Called a guy out on a lie. Friends said I humiliated him. Did I?

[Chairlove]

Met a guy OLD. On his profile Said he was 42, owned a cat and had a post grad degree. I am 39 and my profile is accurate and recent pictures. His pictures looked staged, but cute. Talked via text for a few weeks and seemed good banter.

We met last night. He looked older than his pictures and seemed to act older. Within 10 mins we were talking about my 40th and I wasn’t able to do what I planned. He then said he was 50! I questioned him on the age of his profile and he said it said he was 50. I disagreed and got his profile out to show him.

He didn’t look embarrassed and said it was a mistake. He then talked about a cat visiting him, I questioned it says he owned the cat. He said he didn’t and didn’t put that in his profile. Again got my phone out and showed him. I also questioned his pictures as now thinking on a different date.

He then says at least you know now for our second date. Getting annoyed I then got his profile out again and started to ask questions. No degree, not height he said etc. It was lies.

I finished my wine (I paid first round) and said sorry don’t want to see you again. He asks why, reply you lied! He said was a mistake. Still he lied, as the app asks you to confirm your age once you input it.

I left. Phoned my friend and they said I shouldn’t of got the app out to show him. Just leave. Said I humiliated him. I personally think he deserved it. Granted he was the third bad date in a row.

What do you think?

PS. Well done for your honesty.

I regret that I wasn't more honest at times.

I once went on a date with a man (met online) in his early 40s whose photos must have been really old. He looked trim, fit and handsome in his photos. He even had a six pack (not that I particularly wanted this feature, but just to paint a clean picture.) When we met, he looked so different I wouldn't have recognised him if he hadn't recognised me.

He was extremely overweight, unkempt and poorly dressed & groomed and nothing like the person in the pictures. Think, long nose hair and crazy eyebrows, and bad breath.

When I rejected him after the date, I told him there was no spark and he tried to convince me that spark doesn't happen instantly. He said, is it that I look different from my photos? I didn't reply. In hindsight, I wish I had said yes, your photos are misleading and you should use more up to date ones.

So good on you for being honest.

chancer got caught out.
good.
I hate liars.

@Anordinarymum

Good Lord. Doesn't everyone lie about their age online or they wouldn't get a date.

Some lies are not that bad. They call them white lies.

I have never lied about my age btw. I am 25

Actually no. It's fine to omit things but it's not fine to add in complete falsehoods. You have low standards if you think that's appropriate

It's irrelevant whether she thinks 50 is too old justaboy. The point is that it's up to her to make that decision. Not him, through lies and concealment. He has no right to her time and attention (to 'make his case'), or to make her decisions for her.

Good lord! is the OP incapable of answering a simple question by herself without all her online repersentaives;?..

What has has told her, loud and clear, is that he's a liar. Who'd choose to date one of those?

@EasyAndy101

But he wasn't dying. Shameless

Yeah that's the bit I can't understand. How wouldn't you just run away when the first lie is exposed.

I said I'm dying inside a bit, I'm not actually sympathising as such. I couldn't imagine ever being in that situation but I would feel ashamed

I get what you mean. I think you might be a highly sensitive person like me. I can feel other people's embarrassment in my stomach.

I have never lied about my age btw. I am 25

I think if a 50yo turned up to your next OLD you'd think differently.

Naaah! Why worry about his feelings? He’s a liar and you were brought there under false pretences

He got absolutely handed his arse on a plate and rightly so!

Good on you!

Well done. Maybe he'll stop lying quite so badly in the future. He wasted an evening of yours that you'll never get back so I totally get why you were annoyed and called him out on his BS.

@Prig

I had this once. He'd lied about his job, age, how he looked (used an old pic too). I mentioned his age discrepancy as he had said he was in his early 40's, with dark hair. No word of a lie he was clearly atleast 55 - 60 and had white hair with not a speckle of dark hair in sight (profile pic from early 90's I guess). It was the bold faced lying which got to me. And his response? He told me off for believing what's written on dating sites and for even going on a "blind date" - joking that it was an irresponsible thing to do to start with. I was about 25 and kept calm until the meal was over and I had left, but nowadays i'd walk straight out.

And I don't get this thing nowadays for not calling people out on bad or vicious behaviour, just because no one wants to be "that crazy one". Women have had the mental stability card pulled on them for centuries for speaking their mind and not just trying to understand the perspective of the other person, as if we should try and learn from them and protect their warped thinking.

Where do 55-60 year olds get off thinking that a 25 year is going to want to date them? That's like 30-35 year age difference!!

Unbelievable. I would have been tempted to leave mid meal.

I can't stand liars. I've had men lying about their age and then admit their true age later and then wonder why I'm not interested. Age doesn't bother me, but lying does.

I also had an online date where I made it clear during chat beforehand that I do not date current porn users, no exceptions, due to previous partner being a porn addict. It sounds weird to explain but it was very important to me at the time.

Guy turns up to first date and explains about his massive love of porn and says he "hopes to get enough sex in a relationship so he doesn't need to turn to it as often".

Hugely disrespectful as I spelled out "strictly no porn users". He thought it didn't apply to him.

Good for you, I wouldn’t be able to trust a word he says after all that!

@hadtodoitagain

Sorry. But, I would have just got up and left. You don't sound like a nice person anyway.

And you think getting up and leaving is "nicer?"

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1

Stripesgalore - i'm always stunned at how comfortable mumnetters are with lying too sad

So am I. Most seem to think nothing of it.

You did the right thing op, he didn't even seem to care that he lied.

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 brilliant well done glad you walked away.

Well done OP.

Can't bear liars.

8 years is a big lie!

You didn't humiliate him...he's clearly always lying. I mean who the hell lies about owning a cat? It's not even a sought after thing and some people hate cats.

The fact that he lied to the point where you had to keep providing evidence shows how quick he is to lie and gaslight.

He has probably told worse lies to other people so he should be called out on it. He probably has already been called out on it but doesn't care!

The guy deserved it. If he lies about something simple like his age, what else is he lying about? Name? Job? Kids? Wife?

Maybe it will make him realise its not appropriate. I doubt it though.

@KeepingPlain

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1

Stripesgalore - i'm always stunned at how comfortable mumnetters are with lying too sad

So am I. Most seem to think nothing of it.

You did the right thing op, he didn't even seem to care that he lied.

Me too.

Maybe it explains why these men do it in the first place. Because a proportion of women think, oh it's just men being men.

Lying about age, height, academic achievement and posting misleading photos is pretty low, but to drag a poor innocent cat in to bolster his profile is... totally beyond the bounds of acceptability.

You were right to do what you did and I hope the next time the cat goes round to his house it craps in his garden. 🐱

Good on you for having the guts to call him out on it! Can’t stand liars.

I agree he lied, calling him out of the first thing was okay but I wouldn't have bothered on the other stuff just not met up with him and would have told him why if he asked. X

Good Lord. Doesn't everyone lie about their age online or they wouldn't get a date.

No one is owed a date. Lying means you feel more entitled to a date than the person who sets their own age boundaries.

@DeliciouslyFemale

Talk about the difference between female and male socialisation! He tells lies after lies online, then the arrogant prick expects you to ignore that and go on a second date?! But somehow your female friends think it’s more important not to hurt his poor wee man feelings. FFS! Well done OP. This is also a great example of the importance of meeting in a safe place, as it gave you the confidence and safety to be able to point out his lies and leave. I think your fucking awesome!

This, with bells on.