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AIBU?

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Original poster

Called a guy out on a lie. Friends said I humiliated him. Did I?

302 replies

Chairlove · 24/09/2020 11:19

Met a guy OLD. On his profile Said he was 42, owned a cat and had a post grad degree. I am 39 and my profile is accurate and recent pictures. His pictures looked staged, but cute. Talked via text for a few weeks and seemed good banter.

We met last night. He looked older than his pictures and seemed to act older. Within 10 mins we were talking about my 40th and I wasn’t able to do what I planned. He then said he was 50! I questioned him on the age of his profile and he said it said he was 50. I disagreed and got his profile out to show him.

He didn’t look embarrassed and said it was a mistake. He then talked about a cat visiting him, I questioned it says he owned the cat. He said he didn’t and didn’t put that in his profile. Again got my phone out and showed him. I also questioned his pictures as now thinking on a different date.

He then says at least you know now for our second date. Getting annoyed I then got his profile out again and started to ask questions. No degree, not height he said etc. It was lies.

I finished my wine (I paid first round) and said sorry don’t want to see you again. He asks why, reply you lied! He said was a mistake. Still he lied, as the app asks you to confirm your age once you input it.

I left. Phoned my friend and they said I shouldn’t of got the app out to show him. Just leave. Said I humiliated him. I personally think he deserved it. Granted he was the third bad date in a row.

What do you think?

OP posts:
MintyMabel · 24/09/2020 17:34

I would have been happy enough to say he lied about a couple of things so who knows what else he lied about and left it there.

I don’t think I’d have laboured the point by picking up the phone to go through his profile line by line. I’m surprised he admitted to the rest of it being untrue anyway. I’d have thought he would brazen it out.

ddl1 · 24/09/2020 17:45

'Cat and degree no big issues'

They would be for me. Nobody needs to have/love cats or to have a degree, but lying about such things is a red flag.

Poppyisa · 24/09/2020 17:47

@VettiyaIruken

I think a person shouldn't lie if they don't want to be challenged on it.

The entitlement wafting from him though! He lied his arse off, paused for a bit of gaslighting then actually just took it for granted that you'd see him again. 😂
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Firstly this^

Your friends were wrong for telling you to spare his feelings. Too bad if he was humiliated. I’m sick of pussyfooting around men who themselves aren’t bothered about basic truths. Maybe he won’t lie next time (though I doubt it).

You did the right thing OP. Good for you

LemonLymanDotCom · 24/09/2020 17:49

@DeliciouslyFemale

Talk about the difference between female and male socialisation! He tells lies after lies online, then the arrogant prick expects you to ignore that and go on a second date?! But somehow your female friends think it’s more important not to hurt his poor wee man feelings. FFS! Well done OP. This is also a great example of the importance of meeting in a safe place, as it gave you the confidence and safety to be able to point out his lies and leave. I think your fucking awesome!
Absolutely this. A round of applause from me! Hopefully he'll learn a lesson, unlikely though!
lobsteroll · 24/09/2020 18:01

Good for you! The lie isn't even the worst bit, it's the fact that he didn't give a shit afterwards and there wasn't a hint of embarrassment. You've had a lucky escape.

doopdeepduup · 24/09/2020 18:04

Good for you!!! It wasn't a lie, it was a big dollop of utter bollocks.
You gave him
Honest feedback that he can work with. He has a choice to continue lying, or update his profile.

if the show had been on the other foot, I bet he wouldn't have been impressed.

KihoBebiluPute · 24/09/2020 23:45

YANBU and behaved perfectly fine. What a time-waster to lie about everything like that!

Enrosadira · 24/09/2020 23:55

Good on you.

Enrosadira · 24/09/2020 23:56

*for

SandyY2K · 25/09/2020 00:00

Good for you. He lied on all counts...total idiot he is.

Chocaholic9 · 25/09/2020 03:07

@NoViolins

Why would anyone bring up their "massive love of porn" on a first date? Even as someone with no major problem with porn, I'd find that super creepy and weird and promptly end the date.
There was SO much wrong with that guy. He was creepy and inappropriate. He turned out to be one of those guys who was looking for a daddy/little girl relationship where he could infantilise me in a sexual way and revealed this when I got home from the first date by text.

Suffice to say, there was no second date.

Chocaholic9 · 25/09/2020 03:13

@AntiHop

You did nothing wrong!

I was amazed that older guys contacted me when I was on OLD. I was in my mid 20s at the time, and I knew I didn't want to be in a relationship with someone a lot older than me. I put an upper age limit on my profile (I can't remember what it was, but perhaps 35) but yet men in their 40s contacted me. Did they really think I was going to go on a date with someone who was ignoring my boundaries from the start?! I met lovely Dh on OLD, who is 3 years older than me.

Yep. In my 30s, and I've had guys in their 50s, 60s, 70s and even one in his 80s contact me despite my age limit of early 40s.

It's my pet peeve with dating websites, that some allow you to set an age limit and then also allow men to ignore it and message you. Eharmony was like that.

I've had men in their 60s write to me saying things like "you really need to expand your horizons" in terms of dating older people or making out that it's unfair that I don't want to sleep with someone 30 years older than me. Really?

The entitlement of some men never ceases to amaze me.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 25/09/2020 04:01

It's the arrogance of them believing that their "awesome" personality will win you over, despite the lies and them not looking anything like their profile picture. The lying is bad, the arrogance is almost worse.

And as for "porn man" - he's basically issuing you a challenge, to be better than porn so that he won't need it. Fuck off, mate!!

I've already said that your friend is a tit (or similar) but seriously, there are some replies on here that show WHY these men keep lying like this, because enough women will go along with it to "be nice" and accept their "little white lies" - and so no, he won't change his profile or anything about his behaviour, because he knows if he keeps fishing, sooner or later some sucker will bite.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 25/09/2020 04:02

Sorry OP - just realised that my last line suggests that YOU were a sucker - I don't mean that, I mean that people who accept his lies and are nice to him are the suckers! Blush

londonscalling · 25/09/2020 04:11

Well if you humiliated him then he deserves it. He's humiliating you by lying to you in the first place!

Kisskiss · 25/09/2020 04:16

Good on you for calling him out. He shouldn’t have lied, just wasting everyone’s time...
the irony is, it’s better to tell the truth as someone out there is probably be looking for a 50 year old? ( unless he only wants an under 40 woman and hence lied, which is really creepy)

notanoctopus · 25/09/2020 04:49

Don't blame you OP! What a bizarre dss as te!

notanoctopus · 25/09/2020 04:50

*Date

catfeets · 25/09/2020 04:57

What an entitled prick, just assuming you'd overlook the lies because he's such a catch Hmm.
Good on you for proving him to be a liar. I suspect he told his mates what a horrible cow you are and HE decided not to bother with a second date.

I've never managed to catch a bloke out lying on the first date, but I did later find out an ex lied about a lot of things we'd spoken about in our first few dates and over the phone before meeting. He thought it was funny and said he knew I wouldn't have agreed to a date if he hadn't lied. I wasted almost a year on him and wish I'd have caught him out sooner.

I've also had dates with several men who told me I was wrong for not wanting a second date. They insisted I was wrong and didn't know my own mind Angry.

I did call out my lovely DP for lying to me about his height on one of our early dates. He took it well, but told me he was sure of his height. I told him he must be wrong or lying because we were quite obviously the same height. I was pretty pissed off about it but he was great in every other way so I decided I would just keep probing him for other lies he might have told.
A week or so later, I had a medical at work where I found out I'm 2 inches shorter than I thought I was (hadn't been measured since my teens so I guess I've shrunk Shock) and then saw our reflections in a shop mirror and instead of being eye to eye like I thought we were, there's at least 4 inches difference. I must have come across as a bit of a bitch so god only knows why he continued to date me.

Chocaholic9 · 25/09/2020 05:11

I've also had dates with several men who told me I was wrong for not wanting a second date. They insisted I was wrong and didn't know my own mind angry.

That kind of arrogance is a uniquely male trait. Just can't imagine a woman trying to convince a guy that he's wrong for rejecting her.

KatherineJaneway · 25/09/2020 06:11

Cat and degree no big issues.

Both of them are huge lies.

billy1966 · 25/09/2020 12:21

OP, I would genuinely feel pity for your friends telling you that this lying time wasters feelings should be protected.

They have a really low bar.

You don't.

Well done.

Flowers
MagnoliaXYZ · 25/09/2020 23:38

He lied, it's his fault. You did not humiliate him.

Krampusasbabysitter · 26/09/2020 05:24

Good for you OP! Those are massive lies and he deserved to be pulled up about them.

Mariola321 · 26/09/2020 05:33

50 years old pretending to be 42. 😂 But women can be bad also. Taking the photo from above to not be fat in picture. 🤭