Called a guy out on a lie. Friends said I humiliated him. Did I?

[Chairlove]

Met a guy OLD. On his profile Said he was 42, owned a cat and had a post grad degree. I am 39 and my profile is accurate and recent pictures. His pictures looked staged, but cute. Talked via text for a few weeks and seemed good banter.

We met last night. He looked older than his pictures and seemed to act older. Within 10 mins we were talking about my 40th and I wasn’t able to do what I planned. He then said he was 50! I questioned him on the age of his profile and he said it said he was 50. I disagreed and got his profile out to show him.

He didn’t look embarrassed and said it was a mistake. He then talked about a cat visiting him, I questioned it says he owned the cat. He said he didn’t and didn’t put that in his profile. Again got my phone out and showed him. I also questioned his pictures as now thinking on a different date.

He then says at least you know now for our second date. Getting annoyed I then got his profile out again and started to ask questions. No degree, not height he said etc. It was lies.

I finished my wine (I paid first round) and said sorry don’t want to see you again. He asks why, reply you lied! He said was a mistake. Still he lied, as the app asks you to confirm your age once you input it.

I left. Phoned my friend and they said I shouldn’t of got the app out to show him. Just leave. Said I humiliated him. I personally think he deserved it. Granted he was the third bad date in a row.

What do you think?

Can't believe the number of people thinking you need to be "nice" to this lying time-waster. Fuck him.

I bet he won't change his profile either.

Guy turns up to first date and explains about his massive love of porn and says he "hopes to get enough sex in a relationship so he doesn't need to turn to it as often".

LOL!! you couldn't make that up!!

I suppose as OLD is such or has become a shitefest that people think thay can describe any old bullshit and think nothing of it!

Why would anyone bring up their "massive love of porn" on a first date? Even as someone with no major problem with porn, I'd find that super creepy and weird and promptly end the date.

You need better friends! Ones who aren't spineless, people pleasing with masses of internalised misogyny!

You were absolutely right to call him out, any humiliation he felt was his own doing!

Personally I'd have walked upon discovery of the first lie, and been totally blunt about why! I can't abide liars of any kind.

Hell when I've done OLD myself I've not even got to the point of buying drinks if it's clear from their appearance they've lied (age, size etc)

I also was completely honest myself including full length pictures showing my size not in overly flattering clothes/poses.

I found it weeded out any who were likely to have a problem with my age/size.

@Anordinarymum

Good Lord. Doesn't everyone lie about their age online or they wouldn't get a date.

Some lies are not that bad. They call them white lies.

I have never lied about my age btw. I am 25

I never have lied about my age and I am 69. I have always loved my age and always will. Why on earth lie? OP was right to confront him with his own lies.

Proud of you - men are always slagging women off for 'catfishing' about time they got called on it. You sound like you deserve a brilliant, truth telling bloke. Keep looking!

Doesn't sound like he was embarrassed at all lol, you did nothing wrong

YANBU he lied.

Either way, you don’t need to see him again so problem solved.

I think your friends need to stop being so "nice". he's a liar, lucky escape, good for you

I wouldn’t worry about it, they all lie about something - usually about having a girlfriend/wife! If you take that into consideration, this guy was a keeper!

A tad overkill op 😂 but I don't blame you in a way. Hopefully he won't do it again!

Good for you OP. The 'shaving a few years off my age to sneak under younger women's radars' is annoying enough when they claim it's an accident and 'Bumble won't let me change it'!

These were quite calculated lies though, to give a certain impression: cat owner= kind to animals and empathetic, degree = intelligent and committed

Not saying he's an awful monster but why did he think you'd just accept him telling porkies before you'd even met?!! Let it be a lesson to him. You did right.

Serves him right!

I am not surprised that a lot of men lie about their height online. Lots of women won't date shorter men.

I am not surprised that a lot of men lie about their height online. Lots of women won't date shorter men.

So what makes them think that when they turn up in person. she'll want to date a shorter man who's also a liar?

I like taller men, I know it's shallow although I'm tall myself. I would rather have a man who said in his profile "I am 5'6" but I've never let it get in my way" and made a joke about it, than a man who was 5'9 but lied that he was 6'.

They are going to notice your height when you turn up anyway.

@LadySeaThing

I am not surprised that a lot of men lie about their height online. Lots of women won't date shorter men.

So what makes them think that when they turn up in person. she'll want to date a shorter man who's also a liar?

I like taller men, I know it's shallow although I'm tall myself. I would rather have a man who said in his profile "I am 5'6" but I've never let it get in my way" and made a joke about it, than a man who was 5'9 but lied that he was 6'.

Exactly!

Good for you!

If he lies so easily about such obvious things , what else would he start lying about that you might not so easily catch him out on - what IMPORtANT things . .. ?

OP you are awesome, far more of us should challenge men's lies whether it be online or in person, cannot be arsed dealing with dishonesty. The only disturbing thing on this thread is the amount of women who either make excuses for men's lies or who seem to think it's expected. Seriously raise your standards, get some self esteem or whatever but stop asking other women to lower theirs to make you feel better

Yes. You called him out on many lies AND humiliated him. But so what? You don’t owe him anything. You don’t have to be nice.

Good for you.

@SerenDippitty

I am not surprised that a lot of men lie about their height online. Lots of women won't date shorter men.

That’s pointless though, because if a woman is not going to date a shorter man, she’s gonna spot he is shorter on the first date.

On a seperate note I’ve a male friend who is on line dating and he says a large percentage of women that he has met have lied about their age, and also filtered their photos or used ones from years ago

He’s mid fifties and meets women who claim to be in their early to mid fifties too, sometimes a couple of years older, but always age appropriate and he’s had women turning up who are in their mid sixties and beyond. And often look nothing like their photos. They seem to think they look younger than they are, but conversely also filter their pics to make them look younger.

I don’t know why folks lie. It’s beyond pointless. There really is no point telling a bloke you’re a decade younger than you are, doctoring your photos, or using one from twenty years ago, then hoping he’s not going to notice when you front up.

He deserved to be called out for lying and wasting your time.