Called a guy out on a lie. Friends said I humiliated him. Did I?

[Chairlove]

Met a guy OLD. On his profile Said he was 42, owned a cat and had a post grad degree. I am 39 and my profile is accurate and recent pictures. His pictures looked staged, but cute. Talked via text for a few weeks and seemed good banter.

We met last night. He looked older than his pictures and seemed to act older. Within 10 mins we were talking about my 40th and I wasn’t able to do what I planned. He then said he was 50! I questioned him on the age of his profile and he said it said he was 50. I disagreed and got his profile out to show him.

He didn’t look embarrassed and said it was a mistake. He then talked about a cat visiting him, I questioned it says he owned the cat. He said he didn’t and didn’t put that in his profile. Again got my phone out and showed him. I also questioned his pictures as now thinking on a different date.

He then says at least you know now for our second date. Getting annoyed I then got his profile out again and started to ask questions. No degree, not height he said etc. It was lies.

I finished my wine (I paid first round) and said sorry don’t want to see you again. He asks why, reply you lied! He said was a mistake. Still he lied, as the app asks you to confirm your age once you input it.

I left. Phoned my friend and they said I shouldn’t of got the app out to show him. Just leave. Said I humiliated him. I personally think he deserved it. Granted he was the third bad date in a row.

What do you think?

Too many lying toerags about, sick of the lot of them. Plus taking up someone's time by being a pretender.

He is the one who lied repeatedly, in an attempt to get women interested in dating him, but you have humiliated him, @Chairlove? Yeah, right.

I kind of get why many people lie in their profiles, don’t agree with it, necessarily, but I do think people filter out on quite superficial criteria sometimes.

But the gaslighting you on it when you find out is nasty. It’s good you called him out, not only on the lies but on the pretending he hadn’t told them.

I would be concerned that your friends don’t really have your back when it comes to relationships. If they are more concerned that you might have humiliated him than they are outraged that he would try to make you think you didn’t read what he had written and tried to entice you in with, how much support are they going to be later in a relationship when lies run the risk of leaving high and dry? Maybe it’s just this one thing (perhaps they’ve lied in their profiles too), but if not, try and develop some friendships that will be supportive.

You did the right thing.

Typing 50 instead of 42 isn't a mistake; it's a lie.

so were all his other lies.

He knew fine well what he was doing in hopes of attracting women who otherwise wouldn't have responded to his advert.

More men need to be called out on this crap.

Agree, he lied bout his age because he wished to date a much younger woman, that in itself is sleazy.

Well done you.

I say good for you!!

He humiliated himself with the bullshit. We;; done for not putting up with it and making it clear why. If everyone just plays nie then leaves he won't know what the problem is!

@SerenDippitty

I am not surprised that a lot of men lie about their height online. Lots of women won't date shorter men.

So women should have their agency removed from them by men who lie and therefore waste the women's time? Talk about female social conditioning! We're all allowed to set any criterion we like. Your own boundaries are not 'superficial' or 'shallow' because you don't owe anyone a date or relationship nor are you entitled to either from someone else.

Who on Earth wants to start a relationship with a proven liar who thinks you're not entitled to your own boundaries (such as upper age limit)?

FUCK THAT.

I am not surprised that a lot of men lie about their height online. Lots of women won't date shorter men.

Foul! thats shortishism that is!

What about someone who is 6 foot 7 ?, that too tall for most?.

I would have totally called him out! That’s the problem with liars they have to remember where and when they’ve lied. I once saw someone in OLD who had used pictures of an MMA fighter that I happened to know but many women wouldn’t. I matched with him just to tell him that he was being deceitful with his pictures. His response ‘just trying to generate a bit of interest love’ 🤮🤮

‘I kind of get why many people lie in their profiles, don’t agree with it, necessarily, but I do think people filter out on quite superficial criteria sometimes.‘

A lot of sexual attraction is superficial. It is highly unlikely someone who isn’t attracted to short men is magically going to change their mind once the suitor turns up in person.

It is like when Lord Farquhar gets off his horse in Shrek.

He deserved the humiliation.

You did nothing wrong!

I was amazed that older guys contacted me when I was on OLD. I was in my mid 20s at the time, and I knew I didn't want to be in a relationship with someone a lot older than me. I put an upper age limit on my profile (I can't remember what it was, but perhaps 35) but yet men in their 40s contacted me. Did they really think I was going to go on a date with someone who was ignoring my boundaries from the start?! I met lovely Dh on OLD, who is 3 years older than me.

Yanbu as he sounds a lying twat.
Yabvvvvvvvvvvvvu to say 'shouldn't of'. It's 'have', never of.

@Stripesgalore

It is like when Lord Farquhar gets off his horse in Shrek.

You have weird friends. He didn't just lie about his age, his entire profile was a load of 'what women find attractive in men' bollocks! Pretending to have a cat! What a freak. Bullet dodged.

@AntiHop

You did nothing wrong!

I was amazed that older guys contacted me when I was on OLD. I was in my mid 20s at the time, and I knew I didn't want to be in a relationship with someone a lot older than me. I put an upper age limit on my profile (I can't remember what it was, but perhaps 35) but yet men in their 40s contacted me. Did they really think I was going to go on a date with someone who was ignoring my boundaries from the start?! I met lovely Dh on OLD, who is 3 years older than me.

Yes, they really do! They're that arrogant and entitled and conceited. I mean, look at the guy in the OP - sat there drinking the wine the OP bought him gaslighting her and assumed there'd be a second date. More front that Tesco.

Wow. Thanks everyone. 50 was out of my age range. If I met a 50 year old out on the street and was attracted to him, Chet hood and there was a spark consider dating.

My issue with him was I was tricked into meeting someone completely different. His profile was a lie. Cat and degree no big issues. But age and old photos. He presented a false picture.

I got annoyed as I know the app asks you to double check your age once you put in your dob. He didn’t seem embarrassed, hence the interrogation. It was deliberate. He is a liar

Cat and degree no big issues.

They should. Any lie should be. They felt entitled to your time and disregard other peoples' boundaries by lying. Why would you want to date that?

Op good for you. I haven't been on a date in 18 mths as I'm sick to death of dishonest men. However when I was dating I always called them out on blatant lies and have left many a date after half an hour for that reason.
I may be very very single but at least I'm true to myself

Cat and degree no big issues
They would be for me. I worked really hard to get my degree, felt like giving up so many times but didn't, so I find it really disrespectful for someone to say they've got a degree when they haven't. I don't care if they have one or not, just don't lie about it.

FGS all of it is important.

never date a liar
never date a liar
never date a liar
never data a liar

Print that out and stick it on the fridge and you won't go far wrong.

@IndieTara

Op good for you. I haven't been on a date in 18 mths as I'm sick to death of dishonest men. However when I was dating I always called them out on blatant lies and have left many a date after half an hour for that reason. I may be very very single but at least I'm true to myself

Yep. Always did 'Let's just each pay for what we have', too. None of this I'll buy a round first or 50/50 after some friends got scammed on this - person gets a free drink and then says they have to go; person orders a load of more expensive food items and drinks and then says 'let's just split it'. Nah.

I've actually walked before even going into the cafe/bar/restaurant (usually offer to meet at the door) when they'd rock up and have blatantly lied about their appearance. 'Oh, hi, shall we go in?' 'No. You lied about yourself. I don't date liars. Goodbye.'