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AIBU?

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Original poster

Called a guy out on a lie. Friends said I humiliated him. Did I?

302 replies

Chairlove · 24/09/2020 11:19

Met a guy OLD. On his profile Said he was 42, owned a cat and had a post grad degree. I am 39 and my profile is accurate and recent pictures. His pictures looked staged, but cute. Talked via text for a few weeks and seemed good banter.

We met last night. He looked older than his pictures and seemed to act older. Within 10 mins we were talking about my 40th and I wasn’t able to do what I planned. He then said he was 50! I questioned him on the age of his profile and he said it said he was 50. I disagreed and got his profile out to show him.

He didn’t look embarrassed and said it was a mistake. He then talked about a cat visiting him, I questioned it says he owned the cat. He said he didn’t and didn’t put that in his profile. Again got my phone out and showed him. I also questioned his pictures as now thinking on a different date.

He then says at least you know now for our second date. Getting annoyed I then got his profile out again and started to ask questions. No degree, not height he said etc. It was lies.

I finished my wine (I paid first round) and said sorry don’t want to see you again. He asks why, reply you lied! He said was a mistake. Still he lied, as the app asks you to confirm your age once you input it.

I left. Phoned my friend and they said I shouldn’t of got the app out to show him. Just leave. Said I humiliated him. I personally think he deserved it. Granted he was the third bad date in a row.

What do you think?

OP posts:
ThirstyGhost · 24/09/2020 11:32

Good for you.

bettybyebye · 24/09/2020 11:32

YANBU and bravo 👏🏼 he deserved everything the cheeky, entitled fucker that he is

Rainbowqueeen · 24/09/2020 11:32

Um I do not understand your friends point of view at all
What else has this guy lied about? How are you supposed to form a trusting relationship with someone who behaves like this
He should be humiliated and embarrassed for thinking this is ok.

lioncitygirl · 24/09/2020 11:32

You did the right thing.

crosspelican · 24/09/2020 11:33

Good Lord. Doesn't everyone lie about their age online or they wouldn't get a date.

Bit diff. betweem 42 and 50! And as presumably he's not fussed about admitting his real age in person, he is just screening out all the women who actively WANT a guy of 50! Lots of women would find that much more appealing (more financially secure, less likely to want to start a family etc.).

You definitely did the right thing, OP. Although I suspect it was water off a duck's back. "At least you know now for the 2nd date"??? Yuck.

Regularsizedrudy · 24/09/2020 11:33

Oooooh noooo we mustn’t hurt the poor menz feeeeeelings.

Bluntness100 · 24/09/2020 11:34

Personally I’d have got it out once and left. I’d not have got it out three times, took a prolonged discussion and then left. Don’t get me wrong he was asking for it and I think you proved your point, but personally I’d have done it once and then walked. But I’m lazy.

unmarkedbythat · 24/09/2020 11:36

Sounds like overkill and that you were getting a kick out of repeatedly challenging him. Couldn't you have just done it once and gone?

DeliciouslyFemale · 24/09/2020 11:36

@Bluntness100

Personally I’d have got it out once and left. I’d not have got it out three times, took a prolonged discussion and then left. Don’t get me wrong he was asking for it and I think you proved your point, but personally I’d have done it once and then walked. But I’m lazy.
I think it was great that she kept bringing the phone out to show him that he was not just lying on his profile, but trying to gaslight her. He wasted her time, so why shouldn’t she waste his?
Stripesgalore · 24/09/2020 11:36

He’s a liar and a gaslighter.

You did the right thing OP.

ColleagueFromMars · 24/09/2020 11:36

Good on you, I wish more people did this.

I went on a date with a man who I'm not exaggerating was more than twice the size of him in his pictures. He talked about how shallow somebody he had been on a date previously was, who had ended the date because he looked nothing like his profile pictures, which he said were taken over 10 years ago. His size wasn't an issue to me but I do strongly remember thinking good on her for not putting up with that shit.

If this dude was prepared to lie about his age, pets and qualifications as if that's nothing what else is he prepared to lie about? Hmm

Good Lord. Doesn't everyone lie about their age online or they wouldn't get a date.

What the actual fuck. No, everybody does not lie about their age online and it's a creepy as fuck thing to do.

dangerrabbit · 24/09/2020 11:37

Who gives a fuck if you humiliated him, he chose to lie and then you called it out, if he found that humiliating maybe he can reflect on his behaviour in the future.

Why are your friends protecting his feelings not yours? Dump your friends too for centring the feelings of a man they never met over their real life friend.

DeliciouslyFemale · 24/09/2020 11:37

@unmarkedbythat

Sounds like overkill and that you were getting a kick out of repeatedly challenging him. Couldn't you have just done it once and gone?
He deserved it. He was a lying, gaslighting fucker, so he’ll slap it up him. Why should a woman waste her time on a liar and he gets a kick out of lying to women?
SoulofanAggron · 24/09/2020 11:40

He deserved to be 'humiliated' for lying. You could try to report his profile.

It can't all be 'mistakes' as it was two or three different things.

Mynameisrow · 24/09/2020 11:40

You set clear boundaries don’t feel bad.

If you lie and get caught out that’s on you, not the person who caught you out.

SoulofanAggron · 24/09/2020 11:41

Sounds like overkill and that you were getting a kick out of repeatedly challenging him. Couldn't you have just done it once and gone?

@unmarkedbythat No, because he lied more than once. OP didn't know about the other lies until they came up in further conversation.

Stripesgalore · 24/09/2020 11:42

The most outrageous thing is lying about the pet. Owning a dog would be the thing that made me trust someone enough to consider a relationship with them.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 24/09/2020 11:44

Ah, god, you absolutely did the right thing! He lied, why on earth should you "be kind" to protect his poor wickle feewings?
FUck that! He LIED. And not once, not twice, totally throughout the whole profile - and then tried to cover it up.

I can't STAND liars and in your position I would have done the same thing. If people don't want to be embarrassed by being caught out in bloody obvious lies, then there's an easy solution - don't fucking lie!

Rigamorph · 24/09/2020 11:45

I lied on my dating profile......
Listed myself as 'single' instead of divorced. My reasons being that it was a long time ago, no children, no house, no contact with ex. I felt 'single' not divorced with baggage. I think the status 'divorced' should expire after a certain length of time if there's no effect on your current lifestyle Grin

Told DP on second date, was terrified how he would respond. (He wasn't bothered). Actually neither was the previous guy, that turned into a 1yr relationship.

However I was honest about everything else Grin

Maybe men are more relaxed about stretching the truth? I felt very guilty, and wanted to tell my dates as soon as I knew we got on well.

I know I will get roasted for this!!

hides in fireproof clothing

ginghamtablecloths · 24/09/2020 11:46

If he told fibs and expected to get away with it, he was the author of his own misfortune. What he didn't expect was that he'd be found out and challenged - typical of many a middle aged man. Good for you for calling him out.

Thelnebriati · 24/09/2020 11:46

He lied twice each time, once on his profile and again after he denied it to your face. Surely people who choose to lie accept the risk they will be caught?
Does your friend lie a lot? I can't understand why they would think its humiliating to be caught out in a lie otherwise.

GabsAlot · 24/09/2020 11:46

why does your friend care about a stranger-very odd i think you done the right thing

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 24/09/2020 11:47

@Rigamorph

I lied on my dating profile...... Listed myself as 'single' instead of divorced. My reasons being that it was a long time ago, no children, no house, no contact with ex. I felt 'single' not divorced with baggage. I think the status 'divorced' should expire after a certain length of time if there's no effect on your current lifestyle Grin

Told DP on second date, was terrified how he would respond. (He wasn't bothered). Actually neither was the previous guy, that turned into a 1yr relationship.

However I was honest about everything else Grin

Maybe men are more relaxed about stretching the truth? I felt very guilty, and wanted to tell my dates as soon as I knew we got on well.

I know I will get roasted for this!!

hides in fireproof clothing

You know that's not actually a lie, don't you? YOu're still single, just not "never married". I don't see the problem.
PrawnofthePatriarchy · 24/09/2020 11:47

I think you did exactly the right thing. Let's hope this creep is a bit more truthful in future.

Original poster
Chairlove · 24/09/2020 11:49

Thanks. Hate peoples who lie. Why lie about your age. He didn’t seem shocked or acted like someone who made a mistake. Lots of guys lie about their age online for a match. Not the first time this had happened

OP posts:
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