Called a guy out on a lie. Friends said I humiliated him. Did I?

[Chairlove]

Met a guy OLD. On his profile Said he was 42, owned a cat and had a post grad degree. I am 39 and my profile is accurate and recent pictures. His pictures looked staged, but cute. Talked via text for a few weeks and seemed good banter.

We met last night. He looked older than his pictures and seemed to act older. Within 10 mins we were talking about my 40th and I wasn’t able to do what I planned. He then said he was 50! I questioned him on the age of his profile and he said it said he was 50. I disagreed and got his profile out to show him.

He didn’t look embarrassed and said it was a mistake. He then talked about a cat visiting him, I questioned it says he owned the cat. He said he didn’t and didn’t put that in his profile. Again got my phone out and showed him. I also questioned his pictures as now thinking on a different date.

He then says at least you know now for our second date. Getting annoyed I then got his profile out again and started to ask questions. No degree, not height he said etc. It was lies.

I finished my wine (I paid first round) and said sorry don’t want to see you again. He asks why, reply you lied! He said was a mistake. Still he lied, as the app asks you to confirm your age once you input it.

I left. Phoned my friend and they said I shouldn’t of got the app out to show him. Just leave. Said I humiliated him. I personally think he deserved it. Granted he was the third bad date in a row.

What do you think?

Good for you. Why lie. Ten years younger. Lied about everything else. Just creepy. If he wants a younger women he needs to be a gent and look the part. Age is ultimately just a number but lying is something else.

Yanbu

I'm on the borderline here. I think that being humiliated over one's lies is deserved. But it might well have come across to him not as humiliation over his lies, but as humiliation over his age. I think it might have been better not to make a big deal about his age. But if he didn't want to be precise about his age, he could have just given a range rather than an exact number that was a lie. (Bear in mind that I have always hated birthdays and age-milestones, even as a child, so I'm a bit unusual and may be biased on this issue.) In any case, you won't be seeing each other again, so no big problem either way

The only expIanation I can think of for his approach, is that it's the same as the behaviour of those men who flirt with / harass random women on the street.

Remember that video of a woman walking through New York and hundreds of men casually trying to hit on her? Then the many men trying to justify it, by saying 'but that might be the only time he ever sees her, he has to give it a shot!'

He's playing a very different numbers game from you. His is based on the idea that 'if I can get 100 women to sit across a table from me, one of them is likely to show enough interest for a second date'. You are trying to narrow the field to good matches, before you go for a date.

His profile is just his way of getting women's attention, his version of 'hey, how you doing?'. From that point of view, detail and accuracy are irrelevant. All you need to know is that he's a man who wants a woman.

What he hasn't accounted for, is the disparity of investment, of time and money, between him writing a dodgy profile and you giving up an evening for a date. (Yes he's given up his evening too but he's done it knowingly, having tricked you).

Bit like the difference between male and female investment required for reproduction. He's a scattergun 'squirt and desert', ONS and maybe one of them will stick, kind of guy.

That's what I think the fake profile guys are telling you about themselves.

Gosh! Your friend is a handmaiden, isn’t she?! As if humiliating a random liar is a bad thing

Those are not white lies and anyone who thinks so is enabling liars and gaslighters. I think the gaslighting is worse than the original lies and he did deserve to be called out on that.

Well done op.

As for the person who thinks saying that you are single when divorced is lying, I can only assume that they think divorce is a sign of failure. If someone gets to their 30's or 40's I think you can safely assume that there are some "failed" relationships in their past, whether they are divorced or not.

He’s clearly of the trump school of thought if “alternative facts”

He sounds unhumiliateable. I know that's not a word, but ykwim. ☺️I don't know why your friends are getting upset on his behalf. If more people didn't gloss over "mistakes" made by potential dates, there would be healthier relationships.

It wasn't your friend who had to endure a date with a blatant liar so who cares what they think!

Humiliated him? Lol.

Good for you and at least you found out straight away. The first time my mother found out her first husband hadn't told the truth about his age was when she was signing the register at their wedding - she walked back down the aisle trying to smile at all the guests whilst simultaneously hissing 'YOU LIED TO ME' out of the corner of her mouth.

He humiliated himself ... you just pointed out the discrepancies.

Good on you.

"Oh sorry I entered my age, height, credentials, pet ownership incorrectly by mistake"

Fecking weirdo.

I'd go further and say it's a bit like being emailed by a Nigerian Prince.

The tall tale and poor SPAG in those emails are deliberate filters, to weed out the competent and retain only the seriously credulous.

In the same way, if you experience street harrassment but still want to talk to the guy, or a dodgy profile and still want to date him, he knows he's got a suggestible pushover to play with.

I doubt that's a deliberate tactic in most cases (many men's egos tell them they're as desirable as they were when / would be if...) but unconsciously, I bet the sense of 'well if she fell for that and she's still interested, I'm on safe ground here, she's not going to run off when she actually gets to know me' is very real.

Well done on doing your due diligence. He deserved it. Question is will he update his profile?

Well done. We have become far too tolerant of blatant lies as a society, more people need to call out lying wherever it is found.

Good for you! One of my friends is OLD and the amount of lies men tell is unbelievable! Hopefully it makes him think and changes his profile to be a bit more truthful from now on. I dont understand why your friends think it was cruel, my friends would have been applauding me!

I think I half expect a little fudging around age and weight in OLD. But for every single thing in a profile to be not true is terrible. Especially saying he had a cat - so you'd think he was a caring pet lover.

I'd be furious. Don't waste my time. What a loser. If you can't even be honest about your own profile it's hardly a good start to a relationship of ANY kind.

He sounds either very weird or very insecure. Summary: avoid.

God forbid you'd want to hurt the feelings of a poor ickle man. Also known as a not very intelligent, lying storage!
Good for you OP. Tell your mates to get a grip ffs.

Good on you. What a prize piece of shit he must be to lie about all those things on his profile and then lie AGAIN about the fact that he'd written them! Can you imagine having a relationship of any kind with this gaslighting fool?

Who knows what else he will have lied about? How could anyone trust him on anything?

He set you up on a date with a fictional character. It's basically catfishing.

I don't see that you humiliated him as you called him out on a one-to-one basis not in front of your (or his) friends / family .

Hopefully he'll take that as a learning point going forward .

Chairlove

Question for you if i may.

What if his profile had said 50 years old.

Would you have considered his too old or maybe that age gap isnt a problem?.

Leave out all the other economies with he truth!

YANBU

Nah good for you actually ! He was Wasting your time Anyway

Good for you.

Maybe he's learnt a little lesson eh.