Called a guy out on a lie. Friends said I humiliated him. Did I?

[Chairlove]

Met a guy OLD. On his profile Said he was 42, owned a cat and had a post grad degree. I am 39 and my profile is accurate and recent pictures. His pictures looked staged, but cute. Talked via text for a few weeks and seemed good banter.

We met last night. He looked older than his pictures and seemed to act older. Within 10 mins we were talking about my 40th and I wasn’t able to do what I planned. He then said he was 50! I questioned him on the age of his profile and he said it said he was 50. I disagreed and got his profile out to show him.

He didn’t look embarrassed and said it was a mistake. He then talked about a cat visiting him, I questioned it says he owned the cat. He said he didn’t and didn’t put that in his profile. Again got my phone out and showed him. I also questioned his pictures as now thinking on a different date.

He then says at least you know now for our second date. Getting annoyed I then got his profile out again and started to ask questions. No degree, not height he said etc. It was lies.

I finished my wine (I paid first round) and said sorry don’t want to see you again. He asks why, reply you lied! He said was a mistake. Still he lied, as the app asks you to confirm your age once you input it.

I left. Phoned my friend and they said I shouldn’t of got the app out to show him. Just leave. Said I humiliated him. I personally think he deserved it. Granted he was the third bad date in a row.

What do you think?

Ha ha, toe rag not storage!!

Sounds like you were getting a kick out of challenging his lies

Err.. no shit. Liars should be challenged. I'd have got a kick out of it too, and then out of telling him to fuck off.

Your friend is being OTT. ‘Humiliating’ him would have been chucking your wine in his face and shouting ‘You thought you could fool me by lying about your age, you wrinkled old sack of shit?!’ for the whole place to hear. Saying ‘You’ve lied more than once, so there will be no second date - goodbye’ is the honesty he probably needs to hear.

I really don’t see the point in lying about your age for online dating. Unless you look incredible for your age, the most you can get away with knocking off is five years - and is saying you’re 35 and looking it really any better than honestly saying you’re 40 and hopefully looking good for your age?

Good Lord. Doesn't everyone lie about their age online or they wouldn't get a date.

No! It's very obvious sometimes to me too that a man has lied about his age and it's a total red flag. It screams "I deserve a younger woman". Who on earth is he to decide that my upper age limit (which is 10 years older than me btw) is too low and really I should try dating a 52 year old? Fuck that.

It's irrelevant whether she thinks 50 is too old justaboy. The point is that it's up to her to make that decision. Not him, through lies and concealment. He has no right to her time and attention (to 'make his case'), or to make her decisions for her.

What has has told her, loud and clear, is that he's a liar. Who'd choose to date one of those?

Good Lord. Doesn't everyone lie about their age online or they wouldn't get a date

Err... no? Why would I?

What if his profile had said 50 years old. Would you have considered his too old or maybe that age gap isnt a problem?

Not sure why that makes a difference. In fact, I think it would have been a lot easier for everyone if the OP had been able to swipe left based on his real age rather than being confronted with it when she’d swiped right for a 42 year-old.

You are 100% right your friends are idiots.

You did the best thing, and if a liar felt humiliated, even better in my opinion.

I don't see that you humiliated him as you called him out on a one-to-one basis not in front of your (or his) friends / family

Exactly this.

OP actually did him a favour because this chap has obviously made three glaring, yet totally genuine errors about key parts of his life, and he will now be able to correct them before his next OLD adventure*

*He won't.

You were quite right to question him. I don't know why anyone is defending him. If he lies about the small stuff it doesn't bode well for more important matters.

Your friends are uptight.
My friends and I love laughing about my failed attempts at OLD - if I didn't have that to look forward to I wouldn't bother

OP if you were my friend I would give you a round of applause and buy you a drink! Well done you! I wish all people would do this tbh. Am amazed that you friends didn’t think he should be called out for his lying and entitled behaviour

Getting your phone out THREE times makes it sound like a police interview, or having a telling off from mummy.
Sadly people do lie about their age, as youth is perceived by many to be advantageous.
I know a 70 yr old whoNEVER tells people his age for this reason- on gay dating scene.

I had a date with a man who claimed to be 6ft 2, a non-smoker, a landscape gardener, with a two bedroomed waterfront flat in Leeds City Centre.
In reality, he was 5ft 8, reeked of cigarettes, lived with his parents (he told me the flat was being renovated, his father inadvertently told me he'd never left the parental home, his mother did all his washing and made him a packed lunch every day) and his landscape gardening business was mowing grass for the council.

Now, none of that is a dealbreaker - but the lies were. I probably wouldn't have agreed to a date had I realised he still lived at home at the age of 43. The job and the height didn't bother me but why not tell the truth?

Do these people honestly think that their lies won’t catch up with them? Once my mate met up with someone from tinder who told her he was 6ft. Turns out he was 5 ft 6

And the cat thing is just bizarre!

I wonder if these blokes do the same thing on job applications?

Lie about qualifications, experience and, well everything, in order to get an interview, where they think they'll magically wow the interviewers, because they're just so intrinsically grrreat

I suspect some do (and view it as normal, as it might be among their self-selecting group of friends and as 'just taking a chance, making the most of myself'). I wonder how that works out for them? Do employers worry about 'humiliating' them when their lies are found out?

Good for you

Good for you!
Why do men do this?
Cocks

If he'd stopped telling lies on the date, she could have stopped getting her phone out (FFS).

The most outrageous thing is lying about the pet. Owning a dog would be the thing that made me trust someone enough to consider a relationship with them.

I used to think that then I managed to date a guy with a dog and how he treated his dog was very telling

If I said I was curvy on an OLD and than someone called me out for being fat, would this be fair, would I be a creep who should be more truthful?

If you described yourself as curvy and put up to date photos, no problem.

If you described yourself as slim and put up photos that were 20 years old and your were much slimmer, then there's a problem.

Would any woman like to be interrogate about their age and (would those agreeing with the OP's action) think any man who did was within his rights to do so and humiliate her.

Any woman who put one age in her dating profile then causally mentioned on the first date that she was 10 years older absolutely deserves to be interrogated called out on it, yes.

And I don't get this thing nowadays for not calling people out on bad or vicious behaviour, just because no one wants to be "that crazy one". Women have had the mental stability card pulled on them for centuries for speaking their mind

This!

You didn’t humiliate him, he humiliated himself.

Also this!

it might well have come across to him not as humiliation over his lies, but as humiliation over his age

Aww poor ickle man can't cope wiv being humiliated. Pro-tip - if you don't want to feel humiliated about your age, don't lie about it on your dating profile.

What if his profile had said 50 years old. Would you have considered his too old or maybe that age gap isnt a problem?.

Whatever the OP's answer is to this is irrelevant.

If yes - she has absolutely ever right to decide how old a man she is prepared to date. She has a right to the information men provide about themselves being truthful. He shouldn't have lied.

If no - then the fact that he has lied has ruined his chance of a second date and he should have been truthful. He shouldn't have lied.

The more I think about this, the more weirded out I am by your friends response.

What response does a stranger warrant? You were polite and told him no thanks to a second date. You were truthful and told him why. If he’s humiliated by being found out then maybe he should be better at lying or just not lie?!

Men lying about being single is the worst lie.. and it turns out they are very much married.
Telling lies will eventually get you found out- so much better to be honest from the get go.
Re exams, the old O levels could be altered...
A woman I knew said she changed her E grades to B!
I am old enough to have done O levels and dug out the certs and sure enough, they are upper case only, so an E could become B like she said.
She thought she’d been very clever.

I wouldn't have got my phone out to prove it. I just would have ghosted him.

Perhaps calling him out was the right thing to do though? I mean, men lie in OLD all the time. Maybe if more women confronted them like the OP, they'd think twice next time.

I once had a date with a pleasant enough bloke who looked nothing like his photos. There was no spark. We had a lovely chat, split the bill 50/50, and never contacted each other again.

It is such a waste of everyone's time though...