Called a guy out on a lie. Friends said I humiliated him. Did I?

[Chairlove]

Met a guy OLD. On his profile Said he was 42, owned a cat and had a post grad degree. I am 39 and my profile is accurate and recent pictures. His pictures looked staged, but cute. Talked via text for a few weeks and seemed good banter.

We met last night. He looked older than his pictures and seemed to act older. Within 10 mins we were talking about my 40th and I wasn’t able to do what I planned. He then said he was 50! I questioned him on the age of his profile and he said it said he was 50. I disagreed and got his profile out to show him.

He didn’t look embarrassed and said it was a mistake. He then talked about a cat visiting him, I questioned it says he owned the cat. He said he didn’t and didn’t put that in his profile. Again got my phone out and showed him. I also questioned his pictures as now thinking on a different date.

He then says at least you know now for our second date. Getting annoyed I then got his profile out again and started to ask questions. No degree, not height he said etc. It was lies.

I finished my wine (I paid first round) and said sorry don’t want to see you again. He asks why, reply you lied! He said was a mistake. Still he lied, as the app asks you to confirm your age once you input it.

I left. Phoned my friend and they said I shouldn’t of got the app out to show him. Just leave. Said I humiliated him. I personally think he deserved it. Granted he was the third bad date in a row.

What do you think?

What I mean is, why after the second lie exposure not call a halt to it rather than doing some weird interrogation like that?

Maybe I'm very naive but I just do not get the lying about age and height. You're going to meet them face to face ffs - what are you supposed to go "ah yes, 15 years older and 4 inches shorter than he said, par for the course"? What about men who actually are 6'2" and 45 - no one's going to believe them!

Basically I was meeting a guy who presented himself as different OLD. He created a version of himself that was false. What else was a lie.

As for getting the phone in and out. It was because he kept saying he didn’t put that. It has to be shown as proof he did. Maybe overkill, but was fed up with lies.

Also had half a glass of wine left, was food wine, so wanted to finish it

Good for you!

Who would want to live with a lifetime of 'mistakes'?

You did the right thing in my view! Lying, then expecting a real relationship to develop, is ridiculous.

You did the right thing! Good on you!

You didn’t humiliate him, he humiliated himself.

Good for you for calling him out. Too many women are wet blankets and tolerate this crap, then come crying to Mumsnet when he later becomes a lying cheating ho-bag.

What DeliciouslyFemale said. And he expected a second date? Next time when they show up and look nothing like the lies on their profile, just up and leave. And don't offer to buy a round. Meet in a cafe, go early and already have your own drink. Then he has to buy his own.

[quote Cheeseandwin5]@ThumbWitchesAbroad
You know that's not actually a lie, don't you?
YOu're still single, just not "never married".
I don't see the problem.

If it has that option than you have lied.
Being single and being divorced are two thing different things. Pretty sure those saying it isn't wouldn't be as liberal if they were going out with someone who had this view.[/quote]
I actually agree with ThumbWitches here.

Single is single. I don't think it's necessary to subdivide that into 'never married', 'divorced', 'widowed', 'was once engaged but it didn't work out', etc., etc.

It's a bit stigmatising really isn't it, insisting everyone declares their divorced status? (And not divorced or married myself btw, so it's not an opinion motivated by self-interest!)

It would have different if he'd fessed up and laughed about it. If he'd said 'oh, well about that degree...'.

That behaviour would have left you with a choice, at least. (I'd still have chosen against meeting again but you might have had a good evening).

Never let a man waste your time.

Good for you OP!

You matched because you're looking for someone in a similar place in life with equal interests.

Not a bloke who's a decade older, a made-up list of credentials and a liar.

As my Grandma used to say - you have to kiss plenty of frogs before you find a prince... this one sounds very much a toad!

He humiliated himself by telling pointless lies. He didn't even attempt to continue his lies... he just outright said all this stuff to you.

I don't think you did anything wrong. I would have done pretty much the same thing as you.

Good for you! Lying bastard. You're definitely in the right, don't agree with your friends in the slightest.

Well he deserved it didnt he? What was you supposed to do? Yes it's me, not you? No! Be honest surely he's going to get lots of women that a) dont want someone much older, much less educated and b) a stinking liar. Mostly b.

Lieing straight off usnt even needed in his case. It seems maybe being a liar is his biggest asset and what he needs to put his profile

Good for you I say. If more men were ‘humiliated’ (which he clearly wasn’t) then maybe they wouldn’t act like such fuckwits

@Anordinarymum

Good Lord. Doesn't everyone lie about their age online or they wouldn't get a date.

Some lies are not that bad. They call them white lies.

I have never lied about my age btw. I am 25

But this guy lied about EVERYTHING. His age, his pets, his education, his height..... And then he tried to gaslight her.

He deserved calling out - good for you OP!

He embarrassed himself - I've had 2 dates lie the same way
For example;

'self employed' - unemployed
Cute dog in pics- ex wife's dog
5 ft 10 - 5 ft 5
2 kids who were his world - 2 kids who he had no access to (he moved away from them )
Professional job - actually sacked for sexual harrassment

YANBU.
Get some better friends who aren't man pleasing enablers.

@Afibtomyboy

He’s odd But you are a bit too

Out comes the phone, back goes the phone, out comes the phone, back goes the phone, out comes the phone, back goes the phone...

I totally agree.

Yes he lied, and was caught. Why the need to keep harping on about it and double checking? I'd have just finished my drink and left.

I think you are being a bit U. What s a few white lied. He told you the truth when you met. He isn't appearing in court on oath. He does sound mean letting you pay for the first round. This one's a definite no I'd say.

You did nothing wrong.

@Viviennemary

I think you are being a bit U. What s a few white lied. He told you the truth when you met. He isn't appearing in court on oath. He does sound mean letting you pay for the first round. This one's a definite no I'd say.

No he didn't tell the truth when they met, not until he was challenged. He even lied about what he'd said on his profile - no wonder the OP felt the need to show him that he was lying to her face!

White lies my arse. Blatant open lies and gaslighting, more like.

Well done OP

I’m a little concerned for your friend tbh, hope she’s got good boundaries normally

A few white lies? He lied about everything and continued to lie about it, gaslight her and then expect a second date!

You did great, OP! Don't do the I'll buy the first round, though, seriously. Just pay for your own

'tain't it about time the old marridge beareu made a comback?. At least they had someone interview you and check out the details before you met and to an extent the matchmaker could "match" people up to get some spark's a'goin!

Known a few peeps got to gether that way and theri still together!.

just@boi!

Age, height, weight, and dog ownership to glean this information will require signing of the offical secrets act!

I do own, well sort of, an old moggie tabby cat;) that do?..

Bless her!