To not put DSs first choice secondary at number one, but not tell him?

[shinysealioninahat]

We have two secondary options. Both good schools, academically pretty similar etc. School 1 is slightly further and we may not get in through distance.
DS's prefers school 1 as his best friend will be going there. He accepts he may not get into it.
I prefer school 2, as I think it will suit his needs better. Several of his friends will be going there.

I'm so tempted to put school 2 first, then school 1, and when the offers come out, just tell him school 1 didn't have a place due to catchment. He'd not question that.

Would that be really awful of me, for lying to him, and actively not giving him the option of going to the same school as his best friend?

I'd do it like a shot, he'll never know. It's the best school for him so be the best parent.

Things I made my kids do for their own good even though they didn't appreciate it at the time :

Vaccinations, cleaning teeth, homework, going to bed, getting up....

I'd do it like a shot, he'll never know. It's the best school for him so be the best parent.

I don't think lying to your child makes you "the best parent"

You need to explain to DS there's no guarantee anyone gets into their first choice and that includes his pal. If Pal doesn#t get in to school 1, maybe he'll end up in school 2.

(which catchment does the pal live in, ?)

Has his best friend definitely got a place at School 1? Are they not allocated until early next year? If not you could possibly have a situation that your son gets in School 1 and best friend goes to School 2.
Tell him even if they're at the same school, there's no guarantee that they will be in the same form.

No I wouldn’t lie that’s unfair.

I think some kids would be able to work out if you'd lied. E.g. they might know the catchment or entrance criteria and wonder why child x got into first choice school when they live a street further away than you do. And if your child doesn't realise this, other parents will, so you might be caught out.

In any case I think it's better to just be honest with him about your reasons and own your decision. You're the adult and ultimately you're the one who gets to choose if you and your child disagree on the school.

Just make the decision yourself to ask for the school that you know suits your ds best. Don't put the burden of getting the choice right on him, he's only a child and can't weigh up the relative merits of schools. Of course he wants to go where his friend goes, he lives in the here and now and can't conceive yet that these are not concrete and things can and do change. His friend might not get into the school he wants either!

At least if the school offered doesn't match up to your expectations, your son isn't going to be blaming himself for the decision. Not sure about all areas, but our LA didn't say anything revealing about the process, only which school they offered us a place at.

(I didn't send my dc to the junior school his infants fed into, it just didn't offer the SN provision that he needed, same as the secondary I got him into through appeal. The fit is the most important thing and I stand by my decisions, whatever my dc thinks of them.)

Yanbu.
At 11 your child cannot assess fully his needs.
You as an adult, and his parent, can. this will impact his trajectory as from 13 peers are strongest influencer in your child's development. At 11 he simply cannot make this decision.

YANBU to put ypur preference first, you are the parent.

YABU to lie about it. Put on your Mama pants and tell him what you're doing and why.