DSS pregnant girlfriend

[19claire88]

Not sure is a AIBU but here we go.

My DSS girlfriend could possibly be pregnant she’s 14 he’s 16. The mother of the girlfriend is a friend to me has been for the last 9 months so it’s a new friendship not bothered about losing it tbh.

It complicates further when she calls yesterday morning to say daughter possibly pregnant we’re keeping it a secret no one is to know. Which is fine her body her choice mother is pushing for an abortion.

My only concern is that by keeping this such a secret and not telling DSS mother or father about this is we possibly risk doing this all over again cause clearly those kids are able to take safe precautions. Mother hasn’t provided contraception and DSS has contraception. We asked him if they were having sex flat out denied it. Sex talk given anyway.

Mother is saying it remains a secret due to how her husband will react.

I’m disgusted with both of them don’t want to engage in the cover up of their mistake, having this information has eaten away at me.

I feel 1 parent of DSS needs to know so they can appropriately deal with DSS cause daughters mother is still having him stay overnight, days out are being planned life goes on normally. Mother is totally burying her head in the sand about the seriousness of this and I’m expected to lie to girlfriends father, DSS mother and father.

We don’t agree with the overnight stays but the whole family are very overwhelming and DSS just does what they say. He’s like a puppet on a string.

Would I be unreasonable to tell at least one parent of DSS, so they can deal with this. DSS was the result of a teen pregnancy so I know his mother will handle this correctly in my eyes as opposed to girlfriends mother who is just ignoring the seriousness of the situation.

I And his father have asked him not to stay over, and it’s fallen on deaf ears, and the mother tries to call him and he ignores. Boundaries have tried to be put in place but the girlfriends mother is very controlling with regards to him. I feel this is a separate issue which also needs addressing.

@19claire88

I am most definitely not enjoying the drama of this what a stupid thing to suggest. I posted because I wanted a wide range of opinions mostly which agree with my decision to tell a parent later today.

I gave the mother a chance to do the right thing and also the SS which he hasn’t, so now it’s up to me someone needs to correctly address these kids making adult decisions

OP, the children are not making grown up decisions, though. They’re making child decisions in a grown up situation that is being controlled by gf’s mum. Your DSS may not be able to do the right thing and tell his parents. Does he even have access to his phone without gf mum telling him what to say?

Firstly, have they done a test to find out if definitely pregnant?

Secondly your DSS is 16 and the GF is 14, she is under the age of consent, regardless of whether or not her parents knew she was having sex, this is statutory rape. As GF is underage she cannot legally consent to having sex, so any form of sexual activity between them is breaking the law.

I think you've been given a hard time here OP. Having been a step parent I know how difficult these decisions are. Something happens as a result of poor parenting (his mum AND dad), you're drawn in to it unwillingly then all the onus is suddenly on you to do the right thing.

Just tell his dad (that's who mum should have told in the first place) and tell him he can deal with it.

Again this is most definitely real why I would make this shit up. It was made my business when the mother decided to tell me 1st then point blank refuse to tell the actual parents of the SS. I have them a chance to do the right thing and they won’t so now I will i was very concerned how it would come across that I knew before the actual parents.

I understand your in a bad position here you have tried to find out the facts of the case rather than exploding everything they will find out you delayed telling them your explanation should be clear you didn't want to tell them if there was nothing to tell so far you have DSS says they arnt having sex a messed up pregnancy test and a mother who is shit stirring with a huge spoon even if she DOES have a baby get a fucking DNA

And drop the friend she clearly has issues

It's not statutory rape for a start.

I doubt she's even pregnant anyway.

Could you contact social services/police and say that you're concerned that the mother of the girlfriend is coercively controlling your stepson? I've no idea if that'd work though.

www.gov.uk/government/news/new-definition-of-domestic-violence-and-abuse-to-include-16-and-17-year-olds--2

If this is true, and your DSS is so entwined in this unhealthy family then this is a tragedy/Daily Fail headline waiting to happen imo.

Batshit mother of girl loving the drama of her child maybe being pregnant and obsessed with a 16 year old boy. Aggressive father. 14 year old daughter having sex with 16 year old boy. Girls mother is afraid of what her father will do if he discovers a pregnancy and begs everyone to keep it quiet. Unnecessary drama and fuckery and tales being told all round. Something is very NOT OK here.

I can see possible headlines now - ‘Father of pregnant 14 year old attacks boyfriend’.
‘Boy, 16, abused by 14 year old girlfriends mother’.
‘Boy, 16, missing’.

It doesn’t take much imagination to think of all the ways this fucked up situation could go south quickly.

If this was my son, I’d be round banging on the door right now and be damned with work.

Mother is escalating, 16 year old is at risk right now. I agree with others saying don’t wait.

@AdelaideK

Yes it is.

Sorry to say my thoughts are that she is pregnant but it isn't your DSS and he's being set up to cover up some kind of abuse in the family that's resulted in her pregnancy.
I think you should contact social services personally, as well as telling DSS dad

Hate threads like this

"Could possibly be pregnant"

What a waste of everyone's time including your own if she's not pregnant... literally costs a fiver to do a test.

Then we can discuss what you should do. This is just hypothetical at the moment.

I'm confused by this. If he's your stepson then aren't you married to his dad? Surely your priority is to your dh? Of course you should discuss this with dad parents, your dh at least. Imagine how they would feel if they found out that you kept this from them. I'm not even sure why you're asking tbh.

*Dss parents not dad parents

@19claire88

You’ve all confirmed my gut feeling and that’s to tell my partner what’s gone on.

I’ve not seen a test but she’s 2 weeks late and a test was taken on Sunday and disposed off so I can’t get to this, she tried to do another test yesterday and did it wrong, so going by the original test she’s pregnant. There’s another test to take but she wouldn’t do it. So as far as I’m aware yes she pregnant unless the new test confirms otherwise

All this sounds as dodgy as eff

Everyone sounds like a drama llama in this scenario. Get your dss back home at once, get social services involved and if the gf’s mother shows up you tell her flat out that that’s what you’ve done and she is to get off your property and away from your dss or you will call the police. You don’t need to do anything about the pregnancy because at this point it may well not exist but you do need to safeguard these two young people (and have a paper trail to show that you have done so, or social services will have words to say to you as well, is that what you want?)

I’m not his parent so I’m in a difficult position, I really have little say over what he does, it’s his parents that should have been told so they can act accordingly and reprimand there son the girlfriends mother has prevented them from doing so been given chances and not taken them so now I’ll be stepping in.

I don’t agree that he’s been staying there but I have no legal say in what he does how do I as a step mother stop a 16 year old from leaving. Even if the parents say he’s not to go he’ll still go. They need to step up now and recognise pussy footing around him has done his no favours

With all due respect, you need to get a backbone.
Your OH needs to March round there, grab the SIXTEEN yr old by the back of the neck and drag him home, kicking and screaming if needs be. He is a minor, and your responsibility - not his girlfriends mother. Who gives a shit if the girlfriend "needs" him, this entire situation is absolutely bizarre and ridiculous. The lack of control you have over your DSS and the amount of control you are allowing the girlfriends mother to have is astonishing

One test has been done which was positive I haven’t seen this only been told
2nd test was inconclusive and she would retest hence the possible pregnancy.
I cant force a child’s that’s not mine to piss on a stick.

Either way a parent will be told as I given mother and SS a chance to tell his parents and they haven’t so now I will. She was wrong to think I would keep this a secret

Is your partner an alcoholic? I don’t understand her comment about him drinking himself to death.

End of the day, he’s not your child and you shouldn’t be gathering info or doing pregnancy tests.

You had no right to keep it from this boy’s parents and if his father was out of the country then you should have been straight on to his mother.

Both children need SS involvement in my opinion as neither seem to have parents who can take proper care of them.

You’ve said a couple of times that the girl’s family are “overwhelming”. What does that even mean?

As for continuing to keep this from his parents because they’re in work?? What on earth are you doing?!

His dad works away Monday to Friday so it’s gonna have to be the mother, who will be notified when she’s finished work as she won’t be able to just leave

The 16 year old can legally leave home. He cant be dragged back kicking and screaming.

This needs to be handled carefully because he could be driven to stay with this family full time.

I call bullshit (not you OP).

Is your DSS aware that his girlfriend is "pregnant"?

It all sounds very off, call our husband, asap, you may well need to get Dss's mother involved as I don't think you should wait until the weekend.

I had no right to be confined in I didn’t ask for this the girls mother chose to because she considered I would help her cover a lie, which I’m not prepared to do. I’ve said this many times, he’s not my child I have very little say In what he does.

He needs his parents to step up and pull him out of this toxic family, which is separate from my original OP.

Tou are getting bogged down in the details and he said she said. You have known for some time that your friend is allowing/encouraging her underage daughter to have sex in her home with your dss, and you have done nothing to address this. This is not a safe place for the girl or your Dss to be spending time.