DSS pregnant girlfriend

[19claire88]

Not sure is a AIBU but here we go.

My DSS girlfriend could possibly be pregnant she’s 14 he’s 16. The mother of the girlfriend is a friend to me has been for the last 9 months so it’s a new friendship not bothered about losing it tbh.

It complicates further when she calls yesterday morning to say daughter possibly pregnant we’re keeping it a secret no one is to know. Which is fine her body her choice mother is pushing for an abortion.

My only concern is that by keeping this such a secret and not telling DSS mother or father about this is we possibly risk doing this all over again cause clearly those kids are able to take safe precautions. Mother hasn’t provided contraception and DSS has contraception. We asked him if they were having sex flat out denied it. Sex talk given anyway.

Mother is saying it remains a secret due to how her husband will react.

I’m disgusted with both of them don’t want to engage in the cover up of their mistake, having this information has eaten away at me.

I feel 1 parent of DSS needs to know so they can appropriately deal with DSS cause daughters mother is still having him stay overnight, days out are being planned life goes on normally. Mother is totally burying her head in the sand about the seriousness of this and I’m expected to lie to girlfriends father, DSS mother and father.

We don’t agree with the overnight stays but the whole family are very overwhelming and DSS just does what they say. He’s like a puppet on a string.

Would I be unreasonable to tell at least one parent of DSS, so they can deal with this. DSS was the result of a teen pregnancy so I know his mother will handle this correctly in my eyes as opposed to girlfriends mother who is just ignoring the seriousness of the situation.

It sounds like they are trying for a baby with the messing up of the pregnancy tests i mean its easy to piss on a stick and wait

Thank you for all your input a parent will be notified later on today as there both in jobs which they can’t just pick up and leave and I don’t want to tell them when there nothing they can do until later. It’s not fair to have them have the info and not be able to act.

Friend is no longer a friend she’s crossed a line, and there’s no going back.

You can’t make that decision for them. How dare you even contemplate it.

You can’t make that decision for them. How dare you even contemplate it.

OP has to make all the decisions here, shes the one with all the information

I don't quite understand why GF's father is liberal enough to allow 14 yr old to have illegal sex sleepovers at home. but now he can't be told she's pregnant? Something does not sit straight in this story

As DSS flatly denies having sex with GF there is the (faint) possibility he might be telling the truth and either,

its not his baby,
or she is not pregnant,
or GF and her mother are desperately using DSS as a sacrificial goat, to cover up for some other man having illegal sex with GF in the family home?

   It's absolutely essential  DSS  AND HIS PARENTS are told GF says she's pregnant and that  he's been accused of being the father,  and   that GFs mother  allows   minors below the age of sexual consent  to have unprotected  sex in her home. 

(No bloody wonder the mother wants to keep THAT quiet!!! What other risks has DSS been exposed to in her home; drugs, porn, hidden camera in GF's bedroom? )

     At any rate, none of this is OP's secret to keep  quiet about. Her DSS  and his parents all have to be told   and face the truth, whatever that is.

Well I wouldn't keep a secret from my partner about his own child in these circs, so that would be that, altho I'm not sure you calling your SS a paedophile is going to help that conversation flow.

I cannot get my head around OP asking on MN if she should tell the boy’s parents At least she has decided to belatedly. If my partner withheld this from me, I would leave them over it.

What he is doing is raping a 14-year-old child and he's possibly got her pregnant.

It happens, even if it's only a small age gap she is still under the age of consent.

under 16’s can consent otherwise teenage sexual health workers would be illegal

@ghostyslovesheets A drug advisory service might tell drug addicts not to share needles, and make clean needles available. By saying they need to use clean needles to avoid a risk of disease, and providing them, workers are not encouraging them to take illegal drugs.

Similarly, the reason for education about contraception etc is risk and harm reduction. Likewise for doctors providing the Pill to girls.

Yes, do nothing until you've seen a positive test. It could all be made up

Even if the pregnancy is made up/a scare, the parents need to be told as the kid(s) might not be using reliable contraception. I know some people do get pregnant if on the pill or using some kind of contraception, but it's more likely because they didn't use anything.

Come to think of it, this is yet more proof the girl's mum is unhinged, as it doesn't sound like she's done anything to try and address that. And she's letting her child be raped under her roof.

We don't even know that she is actually pregnant yet.

It’s under 13’s that can not legally consent

Over 13’s are considered to have capacity to consent

It is viewed case by case - highly unlikely a consenting 14 and 16 year old would be of interest to the police

Please stop offering unhelpful advice - this CHILD is not a paedophile

I would just tell your DH when he gets back and then take a huge step back to be honest. Why the huge rush?

You can't make that decision for them. How dare you even contemplate it

This is unnecessarily confrontational. OP has been put in a very awkward position through absolutely no fault of their own. His parents should be sorry she's been burdened with it, not anything close to this tone.

Waiting until they get home from work is not a shocking decision and is very common when a heavy conversation is to be had.

Very confusing post and extremely unhealthy.
Who encourages a 14 yr old child to have sex in their house by allowing a 16 yr old boy to sleep over?
Her mother and his mother should give the contraception talk...and insisted on contraception.
Definitely no secrets.

OP, you are very strange. Why on earth you were buying pregnancy tests, attempting chats with DSS and the GF's mother instead of going straight to the boy's parents?
I would be furious with you if I were the parent. You don't need to try and sort it out or confirm anything. Clearly DSS is not capable of thinking straight. it is absolutely not your job to sort it out. There is no point of waiting to inform the parents. They are adults, they can deal with their jobs and don't need you to protect or manage them.how ridiculous

I was asking for an unbiased opinion hence my post, I’ve had no one to talk about this with other then the mother who has made threats about my DP drinking himself to death 🙄 and that her child’s social life is compromised.

I’ve had every intention to tell a parent I just wanted different opinions.

@19claire88

Yesterday I brought a digital test and the girl messed it up so I’ve got another one here which she refused to take

Definitely something very bizarre going on.

Do you think the ''Needy'' 14 yr old could possibly be ''Faking'' the pregnancy??

Why else do they keep being done incorrectly?

They are very easy tests to do.

I feel sorry for the kids involved in this. A 14 year old that has a mad as a box of frogs mother that is thriving on drama, and a 16 year old that has parents so detached they don't seem to notice their son is in drama up to his neck. Where are the sensible adults in all this?

OP, you are very strange. Why on earth you were buying pregnancy tests, attempting chats with DSS and the GF's mother instead of going straight to the boy's parents

Totally agree with this - her parents need reporting and his need to parent him - are you really his step mother?

I wanted to give DSS a chance to do the right thing and explain to his parents. The mother tagged along to control the conversation. I got the test because I wanted the correct info rather then go on say so if clearly a unhinged women.

I don’t agree with the over night stays I feel its inappropriate due to the ages involved, I was aware SS was on the sofa not in bed with a 14 year old.

If this is even true - I think your enjoying the drama of it too.

I’d go fucking batshit if a step parent say in this whilst they dithered to tell me or not.

Most normal people would have been on the phone to dss parents immediately.

@Dontbeme

I feel sorry for the kids involved in this. A 14 year old that has a mad as a box of frogs mother that is thriving on drama, and a 16 year old that has parents so detached they don't seem to notice their son is in drama up to his neck. Where are the sensible adults in all this?

Indeed.... no structure, boundaries or 'discipline'..

If a teenaged girl has a boy to stay over, it is condoning sex, like it or not.

I went away for the weekend, and came back early to find girl's earrings on the sitting room table next to the sofa... DS had clearly had a girl to sleep over!
I didn't allow him to have his GF to sleep over until she was 16..and her family were the same.

Contraception was left in the family medicine chest {condoms} with a ''Help yourself...take some for your mates, too'' so DS wouldn't think I'd be counting them.

Luckily no 'accidents'.

For crying out loud, OP, you are a terrible drama queen. As soon as you found out you should have been on the phone either to your husband or to his ex. This is not your business. It's theirs.

What he is doing is raping a 14-year-old child and he's possibly got her pregnant.

No he's not. It's not rape. It's also not ok and not healthy.

I'm also really baffled why you and/or his biological parents are not stopping him staying over. Im a bit unsure why you can't get your own kid back.

This whole thing is I've of the weirdest things I've read in ages. Mad mother of the girl who appears ok with very young daughter having a boyfriend over. You and it's parents seeming ok with what is looking a bit kid nappy and a pregnancy that no one can confirm.

Surely, you get your kid back, she takes a test. Bob's your uncle, we all know the outcome and all parents sit down with both kids and talk about managing a healthy relationship going forwards???

I am most definitely not enjoying the drama of this what a stupid thing to suggest. I posted because I wanted a wide range of opinions mostly which agree with my decision to tell a parent later today.

I gave the mother a chance to do the right thing and also the SS which he hasn’t, so now it’s up to me someone needs to correctly address these kids making adult decisions

If this is true and the thread doesn't go poof then your loyalty should definitely be to your ss family not the girlfriends.