Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Threw DH out of the house this morning

326 replies

BouncyBaby2 · 21/09/2020 12:53

I threw my husband out of the house this morning (not as in, we split up but told him to go work from one of his local offices.) During the pandemic he's been working from the dining room table - every day. He has two monitors on, leads everywhere and phones/boxes/testing kit all over the shop. Our DS2 is just turning 22 months old and climbs up onto the chairs in the dining room, then onto the table. He also crawls under the table and turns DH's power-lead off and on, and off and on. He grabs DH's laptop and presses keys, bashes his toys all over the monitor, spills drinks and food everywhere over all the equipment. I literally spend ALL my time trying to either contain him in other rooms when we're in the house, or freaking out trying to stop him wrecking DH's workspace.

This morning DH had logged on as normal, took DS1 to school and then came back and tried to get on with some work. Started a zoom call with one of his supervisees; DS1 gave up playing in the other room as soon as he heard dad's voice and came running in. Climbed on the chair, tried to grab his headset. I removed him from the arena of conflict..........cue meltdown. DH had to end the call due to the screaming. He tried to then get on with some emails. I calmed DS1 down, went to the toilet. Next thing I hear is "Oh FFS!!!". Returned pretty quickly to see DS1 sat on the table right next to DH's laptop. They were engaged in some kind of mild combat, with DH swearing and trying to remove the machine out of the way whilst DS1 grabbed at it and then the headset and leads.

I picked DS1 up and he had another tantrum. DH shouted "I can't work in this circus!" I felt really stressed and lost my temper. I told DH to just fuck off to one of his offices, that he had no idea how bloody stressful it was trying to manage a rampant toddler whilst he worked. He shouted back "that's well out of order, now I've got to find an office to work in," and gathered up his equipment in a rage and stormed off.

I feel a bit guilty now but honestly, I've had enough of him working from home. I can't manage the day without it turning into a conflict at some point. He's on calls/zoom meetings all the time, he refuses to move his workspace upstairs because he needs two monitors to work and a good cable connection. I just don't want him all day every day whilst I'm also trying to provide a comfortable, free environment for the boys. I also arrange playdates with friends and their little ones, and tomorrow I've got two other little boys coming over....and a baby. They'll be everywhere. I want him to work in his offices on the days I've got kids here (I work myself 3 days a week) so don't mind him being here on those days.

Was IBU to throw him out of the house and to expect him to go into an office???

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 21/09/2020 18:23

Cant you compromise with him working from the bedroom one or two days a week, and going into the office for the other days?

GammyLeg · 21/09/2020 18:25

YANBU

He has other options he should exercise them.

I love the “why is your toddler so badly behaved” posts! How I wished for one of those perfectly behaved 2 yos! My dd1 was like your DS. It can’t have been my lax parenting as she grew up just lovely.

Clutterbugsmum · 21/09/2020 18:26

@Thisismytimetoshine

All those saying he should set up in their bedroom... Would you like to be confined to your bedroom for 18 hours a day? That's really unhealthy.
But it's okay for the rest of the family have limited access/no access to kitchen, bathroom and garden. Because he decided he has to work from home in the main living room and not at the space he already has upstairs.
WanderingMilly · 21/09/2020 18:29

Personally I think you were absolutely right. people should be getting back to the office, homes and office work generally don't mix unless you either have such a HUGE house that you have a dedicated office wing, or else you live entirely on your own.

If you can't live in the home as a normal family, it isn't fair, it's what homes are for....

Drogonssmile · 21/09/2020 18:33

TBH I can see where you're coming from as I have a similar problem. How DH expects me to keep two boys aged 3 and 6 quiet when they've just got in from nursery AND cook a meal is beyond me and I much prefer it when he's out the house until 5.

Casschops · 21/09/2020 18:39

I would be hacked off if he had an office space snd and I was trying to juggle childcare and he was hogging house, having said that my house has only 4 rooms.
It is a home not an office.

notangelinajolie · 21/09/2020 18:40

Just tell your toddler NO
And shut the door.

StubbleTurnips · 21/09/2020 18:41

YANBU OP.

Tell him to move his shit. I have one of these and it drove me mad until I hollered.

ChodeOfChodeBall · 21/09/2020 18:48

OP, there is a lot of sanctimonious rubbish being peddled on this thread.

WFH and toddlers don't mix. And never mind this "it's your job as a SAHM to keep the children quiet while Daddy works" bollocks.

(and I know you're not a SAHM, anyway!)

Anyone who wants to WFH with small children around needs to find a space in the house which is out of the way, and where there's less chance of being bothered. Either that, or they need to bugger off to work, if they can.

The person working would surely want to get away and get something done? Or does your DH enjoy feeling cross and frustrated or something?

I wonder if some of the people on here have ever entertained small children at home for days on end (I did - SAHM, then WFH when they went to school. I certainly couldn't have WFH when they were toddlers!)

Clutterbugsmum · 21/09/2020 18:49

So is OP home,

Yes you've got it. We live in a small cottage (two up, two down) with a downstairs toilet. All areas are pretty much accessed via the dining room - garden, kitchen and bathroom as well as the front room, where the tele is. So it's an area that is always in use

So the DH is taking up the whole house by sitting where he is.

throwingawaymyshot · 21/09/2020 19:21

I think YABU

Get a stair gate.

Use the garden to play / go for walks.

Put a video or CBeebies on.

I can't believe you are organising playdates when your DH is trying to work. That's really selfish and ignorant. Can't you go to someone else's house for a playdate? You shouldn't really be mixing anyway though!

Clutterbugsmum · 21/09/2020 19:52

Use the garden to play / go for walks.

How does OP do that as DH doesn't want her and children in the room he working which is the only way onto the garden.

Is OP supposed to 'walk' around from 9 am to 5.30 pm in the cold and rain while DH sits in the one room which lets OP access to the other area's of the house. All because he won't go to the office or work at space he already has out of the way upstairs, so he's not disrupted.

Again why should all other members lives be disrupted because he wants to be in the way by blocking the main floor of the house.

ChodeOfChodeBall · 21/09/2020 19:54

@throwingawaymyshot

I think YABU

Get a stair gate.

Use the garden to play / go for walks.

Put a video or CBeebies on.

I can't believe you are organising playdates when your DH is trying to work. That's really selfish and ignorant. Can't you go to someone else's house for a playdate? You shouldn't really be mixing anyway though!

Selfish and ignorant. Hmm

The OP's DH has an upstairs area which he can use as a study, but he's choosing not to use it. I'd call that selfish.

As for "put a video/CBeebies on"... believe it or not, some parent get through their toddlers' entire early years without sticking them in front of a screen (I did it with three of them - we didn't have a TV, and they were little before the advent of phones/portable screens). Why should the OP have to resort to screens to enable her DH to do something he can do elsewhere, either in the house or out of it?

I would be organising playdates, because in this particular situation - where the DH has choices about where to work - the children come first. If the WFH person had no choice but to work in the main thoroughfare of the house, my reply would be different.

Thisismytimetoshine · 21/09/2020 19:57

How does OP do that as DH doesn't want her and children in the room he working which is the only way onto the garden.
He doesn't want the child in the room, pulling cables and spilling juice onto his laptop. Passing through to get to the garden would take seconds.

Leafbeans · 21/09/2020 20:04

He doesn't want the child in the room, pulling cables and spilling juice onto his laptop. Passing through to get to the garden would take seconds

Yes exactly this.

TheDuchessofMalfy · 21/09/2020 20:14

He really needs to relocate. He can work in the bedroom or at his office, or rotate the two. I can’t believe he thinks he should take up the room that is access to the whole of downstairs when he has other spaces available. Or that anyone is suggesting that’s OK!

Minimumstandard · 21/09/2020 20:18

Send your DH a link for cheap Airbnbs in the area. You'll both survive the coming lockdown much better if you're not trying to have a family life and run an office in what sounds like quite a confined space.

Out of interest, does he do his share around the house and with DC evenings/weekends?

elephantontheroofeatingcake · 21/09/2020 20:19

YANBU, you need the space for you and the kids, he needs to move to an office or upstairs. Sounds like he might to be open to talking about this though?

SunshineCake · 21/09/2020 20:20

@SantaClaritaDiet

At that age I wouldn't say nearly 2 as eight weeks is a long time in development of little ones.

you are not talking to your health visitor, it's completely irrelevant and very cringey. Unless the DH is waiting to relocate upstair on his child's second birthday, which is very unlikely?

Ridiculous and the comment regarding the dh is irrelevant
KarmaStar · 21/09/2020 20:21

Think yabu,sorry,but where people are having to work from home they need to remain professional and to keep their jobs.I know how hard work a toddler is,but I'm guessing whilst he is working your dc is your responsibility to entertain/care for until he finishes and can take over.
The pressure is on for thousands of families op,jobs are at risk which increases the pressure further.
If he is the sole income,you could do your best to make sure he can be as professional as possible at home.sorry,I know it's hard.

Nanny0gg · 21/09/2020 20:22

@notangelinajolie

Just tell your toddler NO And shut the door.
I'd rather tell the DH NO

And send him to one of the other office spaces he could use.

Nanny0gg · 21/09/2020 20:23

@KarmaStar

Think yabu,sorry,but where people are having to work from home they need to remain professional and to keep their jobs.I know how hard work a toddler is,but I'm guessing whilst he is working your dc is your responsibility to entertain/care for until he finishes and can take over. The pressure is on for thousands of families op,jobs are at risk which increases the pressure further. If he is the sole income,you could do your best to make sure he can be as professional as possible at home.sorry,I know it's hard.
His isn't the sole income.
frazzledasarock · 21/09/2020 20:35

Why can’t he move the monitors to his work station and and sort out the cable connection so it’s connected to his work station?

My 19 month old has discovered screaming at the top of her lungs when I’m in meetings too. So I shut the door usually as I don’t work in the main room in the house.

Why is your husband not trying to adapt his work station to his working requirements?
Does his work not supply the required equipment?

Havaiana · 21/09/2020 21:06

So in a tiny 2 bed cottage it’s OP and a toddler who need to be cloistered in the living room with OP running after the toddler whenever he wants to go to the garden and kitchen, when with a bit of effort DH could move upstairs but refuses to.

nokidshere · 21/09/2020 21:18

Of course yanbu. It's ridiculous to say that you should have to try and control a 2yr old all day, every day.

This is why WFH is not a good solution for many people. Your home is your home not an office space. Your husband needs to find a solution if he wants peace and quiet all day.

Swipe left for the next trending thread