Threw DH out of the house this morning

[BouncyBaby2]

I threw my husband out of the house this morning (not as in, we split up but told him to go work from one of his local offices.) During the pandemic he's been working from the dining room table - every day. He has two monitors on, leads everywhere and phones/boxes/testing kit all over the shop. Our DS2 is just turning 22 months old and climbs up onto the chairs in the dining room, then onto the table. He also crawls under the table and turns DH's power-lead off and on, and off and on. He grabs DH's laptop and presses keys, bashes his toys all over the monitor, spills drinks and food everywhere over all the equipment. I literally spend ALL my time trying to either contain him in other rooms when we're in the house, or freaking out trying to stop him wrecking DH's workspace.

This morning DH had logged on as normal, took DS1 to school and then came back and tried to get on with some work. Started a zoom call with one of his supervisees; DS1 gave up playing in the other room as soon as he heard dad's voice and came running in. Climbed on the chair, tried to grab his headset. I removed him from the arena of conflict..........cue meltdown. DH had to end the call due to the screaming. He tried to then get on with some emails. I calmed DS1 down, went to the toilet. Next thing I hear is "Oh FFS!!!". Returned pretty quickly to see DS1 sat on the table right next to DH's laptop. They were engaged in some kind of mild combat, with DH swearing and trying to remove the machine out of the way whilst DS1 grabbed at it and then the headset and leads.

I picked DS1 up and he had another tantrum. DH shouted "I can't work in this circus!" I felt really stressed and lost my temper. I told DH to just fuck off to one of his offices, that he had no idea how bloody stressful it was trying to manage a rampant toddler whilst he worked. He shouted back "that's well out of order, now I've got to find an office to work in," and gathered up his equipment in a rage and stormed off.

I feel a bit guilty now but honestly, I've had enough of him working from home. I can't manage the day without it turning into a conflict at some point. He's on calls/zoom meetings all the time, he refuses to move his workspace upstairs because he needs two monitors to work and a good cable connection. I just don't want him all day every day whilst I'm also trying to provide a comfortable, free environment for the boys. I also arrange playdates with friends and their little ones, and tomorrow I've got two other little boys coming over....and a baby. They'll be everywhere. I want him to work in his offices on the days I've got kids here (I work myself 3 days a week) so don't mind him being here on those days.

Was IBU to throw him out of the house and to expect him to go into an office???

[Watermama]

It sounds like he's dominating all of the living space. It sounds like he's one of those people who are utterly unable to compromise. He needs to work upstairs or go back to the office.

[Anordinarymum]

Toddlers are a nightmare on legs aren't they ! I am surprised your husband wants to be at home anyway

[ComputersaysRAVE]

YABMajorlyU

[ButteryPuffin]

Don't get the bit about loads of other kids coming round for play dates. Can't you meet them outdoors somewhere which would be safer with
Covid restrictions anyway?

[movingmuddle]

YANBU.

He needs to move the office upstairs.

Why can't he have both monitors upstairs? And buy a longer cable?

If he's going to WFH more than occasionally he needs to set his office up so it works for everyone as much as is possible.

[RJnomore1]

I think you’re very unreasonable if you can’t manage to keep your child out of one room in your house. It’s not unrealistic of your husband to expect your children not to be allowed free access to the entire house. I’d be furious if I was him, and yes I’ve had toddlers, and worked from home.

There may be the odd occasion he slips past but this sounds constant.

Don’t add more children to the mix With visits if you can’t manage that. Anyway by tonight play dates might be off which would save you one issue.

[BouncyBaby2]

@MaskingForIt

What a helpful and insightful post. Thank-you. Are you that nice in RL?

He would stand at the baby gate and scream - which would probably be more disruptive than anything else.

[MarkRuffaloCrumble]

YABU - I’d have thrown DS out not your DH. Why is he getting into so much trouble?

I’ve had 3 DCs and none of them would ever have behaved the way yours does, at any age. For him to be continuously grabbing and breaking and climbing everywhere he’s clearly not being entertained in other ways. No wonder your DH lost his shit.

If you’re a sahm it’s your job to look after him all the time, as if your H wasn’t there. You don’t get to just leave him and expect your H to be keeping an eye on him while also working from home.

If you’re also wfh then it’s a totally different story, but that’s not the impression I got, so apologies if that’s the case.

[Soubriquet]

Do you have any room upstairs for him to do it. Even if it’s a corner of your own bedroom

Obviously the dining room isn’t working so he needs to look at doing it elsewhere and upstairs is possibly the only place where your ds can’t get to him

[ivfbeenbusy]

Personally I think you over reacted

It's not easy for your DH to work from home either with a toddler behaving that way

If the dining room has a door but he can open it then put a gate on the door 🤷‍♀️ it's really not that hard

Toddlers shouldn't be climbing all over tables etc anyway? It's not like your DH is working from the lounge - he has his space and you have the rest of the house to entertain a toddler in?

[ivfbeenbusy]

@MarkRuffaloCrumble

YABU - I’d have thrown DS out not your DH. Why is he getting into so much trouble?

I’ve had 3 DCs and none of them would ever have behaved the way yours does, at any age. For him to be continuously grabbing and breaking and climbing everywhere he’s clearly not being entertained in other ways. No wonder your DH lost his shit.

If you’re a sahm it’s your job to look after him all the time, as if your H wasn’t there. You don’t get to just leave him and expect your H to be keeping an eye on him while also working from home.

If you’re also wfh then it’s a totally different story, but that’s not the impression I got, so apologies if that’s the case.

This!

[Havaiana]

YANBU, he’s a knob. He can take the monitors upstairs but chooses not to because he gets to have company with you running around after DS. He probably enjoys having the zoom calls with an audience.

Reclaim your dining table.

[madcatladyforever]

WTF!!!! I'm NHS but work from home on meetings days I have an office set up in my spare room and a lock on the door to keep the cat out (she opens doors) and apart from the occasional cat wailing its lovely and quiet. Being g downstairs with a toddler is absurd.

[CeibaTree]

[quote BouncyBaby2]@MaskingForIt

What a helpful and insightful post. Thank-you. Are you that nice in RL?

He would stand at the baby gate and scream - which would probably be more disruptive than anything else.[/quote]
Hmm your son does sound a little bit out of control to be honest. How does a 22 month old reach up and turn door handles?
But without knowing the set up of your house, it's hard to say if he was being unreasonable - is there anywhere else he could turn into an office?
Also why do you need to invite so many other children to your house while you know someone needs to work from there?

[Lockheart]

It does sound a bit much if it's constant interruptions and you're a SAHM. Sure occasionally they'll slip through (they're tricky little things and shockingly fast) but for the most part you should be able to keep him out if you're a SAHM?

[BouncyBaby2]

@RJnomore1

I think you’re very unreasonable if you can’t manage to keep your child out of one room in your house. It’s not unrealistic of your husband to expect your children not to be allowed free access to the entire house.

But he's positioned himself in the main room of the house which you have to access to get to the toilet/the garden/the kitchen!!!! I have asked him to move upstairs, right to the top room (our bedroom) which has a little workstation area there, BUT HE REFUSES!!!!!!!

[Luckyonetwo]

Yabu

[Hahaha88]

Why is he working from home if he has an office (or more than by the use of offices in your op) he can work in? I wouldn't want mine wfh with all the agro and trappings that come with it if it wasn't necessary.
Yanbu

[upsidedownwavylegs]

@MarkRuffaloCrumble

YABU - I’d have thrown DS out not your DH. Why is he getting into so much trouble?

I’ve had 3 DCs and none of them would ever have behaved the way yours does, at any age. For him to be continuously grabbing and breaking and climbing everywhere he’s clearly not being entertained in other ways. No wonder your DH lost his shit.

If you’re a sahm it’s your job to look after him all the time, as if your H wasn’t there. You don’t get to just leave him and expect your H to be keeping an eye on him while also working from home.

If you’re also wfh then it’s a totally different story, but that’s not the impression I got, so apologies if that’s the case.

You could have tried reading it and your impression of whether OP was a SAHM or not might have become clearer. Notably the bit where she explains her own work pattern.

[OverTheRubicon]

He needs to find a more private place or way to ensure privacy, but why are you inviting loads of children over (and breaking the rule of 6 under one roof, unless you're managing them all yourself without another adult present) right now and with someone trying to WFH? Sounds like you're both being pretty inflexible.

[LadyCatStark]

YABU, it’s not like he’s taking up all the space for his hobby, it’s his job.

You should both have had an adult conversation long before now to come to an agreement that suits the whole family. Be that him working in the office, upstairs, some kind of barrier to DS entering the dining room or you taking DS out more when you’re not working. Arranging play dates in your home while your DH is working at home isn’t fair at all.

[LivingDeadGirlUK]

Your husband needs to move upstairs and keep the door closed. If your not working you need to keep the kids out of the 'office' but he can't sit in an area that is needed for family use as the dining room is if it has access to the garden.

I sympathise as my partner works from home so when I was working part time I had days of needing to keep the little one away from him. They always want the parent they can't have O_o

[Soubriquet]

Also why do you need to invite so many other children to your house while you know someone needs to work from there?

You need to cancel your friends coming round or either meet them elsewhere

It isn’t fair on your dh to have to listen to toddlers running around during working hours

[wildcherries]

@ivfbeenbusy

Personally I think you over reacted

It's not easy for your DH to work from home either with a toddler behaving that way

If the dining room has a door but he can open it then put a gate on the door 🤷‍♀️ it's really not that hard

Toddlers shouldn't be climbing all over tables etc anyway? It's not like your DH is working from the lounge - he has his space and you have the rest of the house to entertain a toddler in?

I appreciate it must be hard, but I agree with this.

You're both stressed. But I'd have been less than pleased if I'd been 'thrown out' of my own home.

[SantaClaritaDiet]

Your DH should relocate in your bedroom, and your child kept away from there. It's not that hard.

If for any weird reason it's not possible, transfer your child in your own bedroom and use his as an office, which is less ideal.

YABU to use "22 months" though.