Why is my child always the crazy one? I feel like a total loser.

[lasangoles]

I'm sat in my car crying after another failed attempt at a toddler class that I was so much looking forward to. My son is 2 next month, and I signed him up to a toddler dance class for 18m+. All of the other kids vaguely followed what the teacher was asking, however my son was trying to run out of the door, trying to go through people's bags, pinching other childrens' instruments, etc etc. I could feel everyone looking at me. He really needs to socialise with other children, but is always the crazy one. Someone made a comment 'there's always one'

I realise how pathetic I am to cry over this but I am just so overwhelmed by it. I was so looking forward to it and it is yet another fail.

Can anyone help me feel better about this? I really am trying to be a good mum. I don't pander to his bad behaviour. I told him if he carried on misbehaving I would take him home, and I did. He talks a lot less than other kids his age. I feel like a shitty failure.

It sounds to be like you have raised a confident toddler. Anyone who is judging a two year old isn’t worth caring about. As long as he isn’t punching the other children I wouldn’t worry at all. Get him into some sports, gymnastics etc so he can channel his energy.

Oh OP! You are not a failure. Whoever made the comment about there always being one is an absolute shit. My eldest was just like your little one. He wouldn’t participate in any of the music, dancing or art classes I took him to. They just weren’t for him. Rather try something like rugby tots or swimming. He was still noisy but he was allowed to be. We had much more success with the more boisterous friendly activities.

He sounds exactly like my son at that age. Try a different activity. My son loves outdoors running around. Classes like that bored him.

Yes Susannah I speak as an ex early years teacher and CM/nanny. The testing and sitting still ethos of some reception classes now is hell for the teachers and some of the children.

I cried on the way home from a fair few playgroups and music classes with my DS when he was that age. It seemed like every other child could concentrate and enjoy the activities (whilst their parents managed to drink tea and talk to each other) whilst my DS just ran about, constantly needing me to stop him ruining things and bothering other children.

He's nearly 3 now, his communication has come on so much. He's still a bundle of energy, and often naughty (as well as funny, loving and engaging) but he's like a different child now when it comes to understanding what's expected of him when we're out and about. He just had no idea before. Not his fault, nothing to worry about, just took him a bit longer to understand than some other children.

Agree with others who have said it sounds as though he just doesn’t like that activity! Which is absolutely fine.

My DD was angelic at Musical Bumps when she was aged 2-3, and so engaged and focused that the teacher used to joke about letting her run the class. But she was absolutely feral when I tried her with ballet around the same time. You wouldn’t have believed she was the same child. I definitely went home and cried a couple of times because I convinced myself that DD would never be able to follow simple instructions and would struggle all through her education (yeah, that was a ridiculous overreaction but, hey, first-time mum).

And if your child just doesn’t like any toddler classes? That’s also completely fine. Classes are only worth doing if the two of you are having fun - it’s not as though they need to develop their CV at that age.

Oh gosh you are not a a failure at all!! It’s just that the dance class isn’t the right fit for him at the moment. There is absolutely nothing wrong in a 2 year old wanting to run about and explore and have adventures. Both of my two were the quiet, obedient types and strangers would always comment on how ‘good’ they were. But to be honest they could have done with a healthy dose of ‘naughtiness’ because it is actually a good thing for children to be confident, assertive, brave, creative etc, unfortunately when they are little people can label those qualities as ‘naughty’. Don’t be sad that your son isn’t a ‘good child’, be happy that he has the right foundations for growing into an outgoing, confident adult and find the right class for him. Cross ballet off the list and give a music class a go, or football or swimming or forest school.

My son used to run around at any singing or dancing groups, I found groups where there was more of what he wanted to do. He still doesn't like to sing or dance in front of people, though I have caught him on his own. My son prefers swimming, most of the time he listens and joins in there. He is very chatty and social but that didn't start until he was about 3 with other children.

I have had one child who never joined in. One who destroyed the place. His capacity for destruction was a thing to behold, it's a bit better now but still his MO
And a biter

All of my kids are that one. At nursery and school though? Beautifully behaved. At the park? Lively happy inquisitive sociable kids. But at music classes? They were devils

My DS had adhd (diagnosed) and was similar at that age. It was humiliating being the mother of the 'naughty' child, but it does improve as they get older. I would look at activities that allow him to let off steam and run around more. A dance class requires a fair bit of self control , and that takes ages to achieve

And also other mothers love to make you feel inadequate and a failure. It seems to boost their ego and make their competitive parenting more valid. Not all mums I'm sure, but in my experience some love to make you feel small. Treasure and nurture your child and don't worry about the snide comments.

These classes weren’t great for us...my youngest was just too energetic and wasn’t one to sit for long periods etc. These classes expect very young kids to be quite robotic...not very realistic. Many children happily conform, others don’t. There is no right or wrong, no normal or crazy. Don’t give a shit about people looking at you. The person who made the rude comment is ‘the one’ (the utter twit of an adult who should know better).
Find other things to do (I know it’s hard right now) but parks, play doh, feeding ducks. Anything that is not too prescriptive.

Keep going you are obviously a great but frustrated mum. Cut yourself and dc some slack though.

I know it feels frustrating when you see other children sitting calmly,
My eldest daughter would point blank refuse to sit for any reading sessions in libraries or singing at playgroup / art and craft classes in favour of toys and running around noisily at that age.

She now loves reading and is taking keyboard lessons and focusing on it at 7.
It took a bit of time , but she's naturally a more active , outgoing child who likes sporty activities more than sitting quietly.

My youngest is the complete opposite and loves reading and could sit quietly for a whole nursery session with books and jigsaw puzzles.
Every child has different abilities and preferences in activities, please don't worry too much at this age x

Hi I've got three boys and only 1 managed structured play at that age the other 2 were wild and didn't suit that sort of play till older. It's not for everyone and it's certainly nothing you've done wrong lovely.

The amount of times I've sat and cried in the car over the years and if I could go back I'd love to say to myself to shrug it off and think oh well on with something else that's maybe more energetic

I’ve been there. Hovering behind my DS to stop him banging on radiators, running around screaming and snatching toys, whilst all the other DC were sitting happily shaking maracas.

Looking back I don’t know why I put us through it. He was much happier at stay and play venues where they could just run around and play. It did get a lot better from 2 and a half when he could understand consequences. “If you bang on the radiator again, I will take you home” and follow through. We left a lot of classes after 5 minutes but eventually he realised the fun stopped if he misbehaved.

Yes Scoobi Hovering behind.... is the answer. I remember dear little DD1 who looked like butter wouldn't melt..... went through a stage of pulling other girl's pony tails. I was right behind her going up the slide at playgroup . When you know your child that's just what you have to do!

But it really isn't misbehaviour at 2 years old, it's exploration, testing the world, they've never been here before! Watch and act but don't punish them unkindly, they really don't know why they do things . Like puppies.

Speech delay at 1 is nothing to be concerned about if the only other thing he has going on is he's inquisitive and has a lot of energy. Neither of mine interacted properly with other kids until they were 3 so I'd just look at a different type of class. He really isn't the only one, though it can feel like that.