Why is my child always the crazy one? I feel like a total loser.

[lasangoles]

I'm sat in my car crying after another failed attempt at a toddler class that I was so much looking forward to. My son is 2 next month, and I signed him up to a toddler dance class for 18m+. All of the other kids vaguely followed what the teacher was asking, however my son was trying to run out of the door, trying to go through people's bags, pinching other childrens' instruments, etc etc. I could feel everyone looking at me. He really needs to socialise with other children, but is always the crazy one. Someone made a comment 'there's always one'

I realise how pathetic I am to cry over this but I am just so overwhelmed by it. I was so looking forward to it and it is yet another fail.

Can anyone help me feel better about this? I really am trying to be a good mum. I don't pander to his bad behaviour. I told him if he carried on misbehaving I would take him home, and I did. He talks a lot less than other kids his age. I feel like a shitty failure.

This was (IS) my child and I can't tell you how many times I have left a party or activity crying.
It's so hard OP, especially when people are judging. I used to regularly watch a roomful of toddlers the same age as DS sitting nicely in a circle following instructions while DS just legged it round the room like he was crazed! To make it worse he wasn't above giving other kids a smack or push if they got in his way. I was mortified. Everytime he hit I acted....EVERY single time. We got Grandparents involved, bought special books, tried calm and gentle, tried removing toys, tried only rewarding good behaviour and nothing worked!!

DS is now 3 in December and has beautiful manners, shows kindness and empathy, keeps his hands to himself (mostly) and can control himself much better. He is exceptionally bright for his age and needs a lot of stimulation. He's also still very active and physical.

Honestly, your childcare set up sounds much better than a nursery. Think of it in evolutionary terms - smaller groups, mixed ages and a family environment is a much more natural set up. He clearly has energy to burn off. He is curious and a little single minded about not letting you interrupt his explorations in a new environment. That doesn't make him a badly behaved kid. Try to do as many outdoor free play type things as you can. It is a challenging age and it is tough hanging that as a single Mum, but he will be just fine as long as you make choices that don't make you feel miserable.

Honestly, so so normal! So sorry you feel upset by it, but it’s absolutely zero reflection on you. Mine can be exactly the same (and sometimes does exactly what he’s meant to, which is even more of a brain wrecker- he clearly knows how?!?!?) and the days where he decides to be (what I consider) a nightmare, I get super hot and sweaty and stressed and the whole thing spirals until one of us gives in/ it’s home time... you are not alone! But I figure chasing him around like a loon is cheaper than the gym..... he will find his groove and you’ll find something you enjoy doing together but until then, don’t put pressure on yourself. Stick to things you do enjoy (playing at home, walks, the park, whatever) and maybe try again with an activity in a few months?

My DD (2.5 years) does two classes per week. At her ballet class she behaves herself, follows the instructions, gets really involved. At her athletics class she is absolutely feral, isn’t interested, just does her own thing. It sounds like your son just doesn’t like that particular class. Totally normal. I think it’s just luck how they behave day to day, and it can switch from impeccable to meltdown in a second.

I would never ever judge a toddler’s behaviour, unless the parents weren’t at least having a go at discipline.

Oh lovely - you are not a failure! Never did I know the feeling of a thousand eyes on me until I had a baby - sometimes it feels like you're back at school and everyone is whispering about you!
I actually think almost every mum has felt the way you do at some point. And those that throw their bitchy comments around about 'there's always one' in your group where you can hear are in the wrong.
I go to a baby class to interact with my daughter - if I see another child not complying I mostly smile in sympathy and then forget about it. Some children and babies enjoy stuff that others don't.
Please don't beat yourself up - you don't sound a bad mum at all!

We go to a lot of classes as I really dislike being at home all day with my very energetic 23 month old DS. Some of them he loves and joins in everything, some of them he sits on my lap like a baby monkey and other he runs round like a feral animal, refusing to join in anything 🤷🏻‍♀️

You just need to find one that suits him. Mine hates doing the same thing for too long so would happily dance for 1 song but wouldn't do a dance class. We love toddler sense, didi rugby and swimming at the moment.

familyof4 As you must know from experience Behaviour at that age,under 2, depends on soo many variables. Have they, and you, slept well? Had enough drinks , not dehydrated, enough nourishing small meals. (not high sugar meals). Also their understanding; the OP's child can't speak well that could cause problems which will disappear with time of course. Has he got friends at the activity? etc. etc.

I suggest you go with the flow don't try to go to structured activities until he's ready for them

Hes still very little. My DS was also always 'the one'. Its not fun, but it does get better. Just keep telling him what you would like him to do instead and take him home if he doesnt listen. He will learn if you persist.
Some kids are just wilder and at 2 it really doesn't have anything to do with your parenting. They need time to learn these things.
DS is 6 now and he is very well behaved in public. Still quite wild at home, but when he is at a friends house or at school, all i get is praise for his behaviour.
DD was never anything like this, she was always more quiet and better behaved at that age, thats just personality.

Some toddlers are just wired this way, when DGS started nursery he's was into everything. They had time upstairs and time downstairs. Each floor had different toys so if he liked the to he was playing with her hide it on his person . So whilst we had family members saying that there DGS had been asked if wanted to go to a prep school, by the school, ours was being frisked.

Often curiousity is an indicator of intelligence.

My ds was exactly the same, i was the one at the back running around trying to persuade ds to listen and join in.
But, i soon realised that only those with kids that will behave in dance classes go to dance classes, everybody else gives them a wide berth!! I found just going to the park was enough, lots of other kids and I usually end up chatting with another mum there.

I totally get where you're coming from.

My toddler is 3 in December. He can be incredibly shy with people he doesnt know and has had a few tantrums at the park cause of this. This morning one of the grans came up to me and said 'is he better or still strange?' .... i stared at her and said 'shy perhaps??' I am currently so upset I didnt have a better response to her.

I must have had very veryblow expectations of my children but I never expected them to conform to any type of class.
They fitted into Montessori at just after 3 1/4 and I thought that was brilliant.

I certainly wouldn't have looked at a 2 year old with any expectations of being able to fit in and take direction.

Try not to be so hard on yourself.

Oh and if I saw a child having a mega tantrum, I was always sorry for the mother's and thanking god it wasn't me🙏🤣

You are being way too harsh on yourself, I remember those days well ☺️ My DS’s best friend used to sit like an angel in a coffee shop where as mine was a bloody Tasmanian devil all the time. I took my DD to dance class at that age and it was hot and miss, I never contemplated taking my DS 😂

Hugs to you OP

My DS (now 11) was similar, I just could not get him to be interested in singalongs and whatever all the other toddlers were up to. And other parents feel SO judgemental as well (even if most of them aren't, there's always a few and they're always obviously staring or whispering with their friends)

Agree with others who suggest maybe taking him to an open play session. I think structured activities at that age are pretty tough.

I know how you feel

I was so excited to take my daughter (at the time 19 months) to baby ballet.

She was "that child"

However free painting In a local playgroup? She would sit down for the whole time even now.

Just wasn't his interest
X

My daughter was like this - an absolute nightmare at toddler activities and birthday parties. It was exhausting, stressful and like you, I also cried sometimes.

The only activity that really worked was a gymnastics class where they didn't care whether children joined in for the structured part of the lesson and the rest of the time was free play /exploring anyway.

I actually bonded with another mum at a birthday party when her daughter was behaving the same way as mine. Both girls are now 9 and are absolutely delightful.

Another thing that I think helped was going to nursery as she definitely learnt the laws of the land there.

Not sure where you are but in England you know when they are 3 you can get free nursery hours (If you qualify) ?

Just wanted to flag as I just out my sons name down so hopefully can get a place when he is 3 as his childminder doesn’t do it.

Sounds like he's an intelligent lad who's bored by the routine and wants to explore. I'd drop the structured events if I were you and find more things where he can "run wild" in a controlled way.

I have a son who was (is) like this and it can be really frustrating. We’d go to the library and he had no interest in singing or crafts. He only wanted to look at the fish and the animal books and run around!

It’s really not changed and he’s 8. He does well in school and makes friends easily now. But he’s still wild and inquisitive and active. Some kids are just not made for quiet structure. Tbh once we stopped going I realized I didn’t need the stress and would prefer to walk in the woods / park.

Ds and to a certain extent dd were like this.

Don’t go to places that require him to follow a teacher or any form of structure.
Soft play and the park just to run around and burn off the energy.

I know it probably isn’t open now and he is probably too young atm but for later. I found Ikea soft play kept me sane.

I used to drop them off at the soft play centre for an hour and go and have a coffee in peace in the cafe.

They would then run around Ikea and jump from bed to bed in the mattress dept or spin each other on the Lomsk chair.

I was that parent. But tbh by the time they were 4 and 6 I didn’t care. I knew shouting or trying to keep them in order was a futile exercise.

They are both adults now and remember their childhood as a complete blast.

They still have their mad times occasionally but on the whole they have got most of the craziness out of their system.

Total waste of time are toddler classes. Wait till they're 4 years old at least

I'd be very surprised to see ANY 2 year old sit still and follow instructions. It's just not what they do

In my experience the 2 (and even 3) year olds who are compliant and can follow instructions are the minority! You must have been at an unusual group. Mine would have been exactly like yours at that age, I remember a similar experience at a rugby group where he just wouldnt follow any of the instructions. We persevered with it and he joined in more as it became more familiar, but we ditched it 18m later and with hindsight I feel like he wasnt really enjoying it - if he was it wouldnt have been such a battle.

I know people will say little boys and girls are the same, and I agree that there's huge overlap, but in my experience it's more common for little boys to not engage with structured classes at a young age, while the kids joining in are more likely to be girls.

Oh dear lord I can relate to you op 100%.

In fact mine was so bad that I stopped going out anywhere with mine for about a year. I just couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t cope really.

Mine was the 2 year old who instead of bouncing on the bouncy castle headed straight to the back of it to destroy....mess with the electrics & the blower.
Mine was the one who was climbing up curtains on a play date, tipping full toy boxes out one after the other, in drawers, behind sofas, out the front door into the street !
He dismantled stair gates, could easily escape any car seat or high chair.
Would not sit at all, always on the go from 5am, sometimes 4am until he fell asleep for a couple of hours at 7 at night. No, to add to the fun, he didn’t sleep at all EVER either.

Yeah, I stopped going anywhere.
I dispaired.
He was unlike any of my friends kids.

It was absolutely NOTHING to do with him being an only, it had EVERYTHING to do with his personality.
School was a living nightmare for him & for us.
Anyway he’s ok now. Still a bit unhinged, but ok. 😊
Good fun & unique.
My second child...completely opposite, you couldn’t get 2 different kids in one household.
Stick it out, he’ll be fine, honestly, I promise.

@Susannahmoody

Total waste of time are toddler classes. Wait till they're 4 years old at least

Yep. Any real benefit from structured 'activities' doesn't start until they're much, much older than this.