Why is my child always the crazy one? I feel like a total loser.

[lasangoles]

I'm sat in my car crying after another failed attempt at a toddler class that I was so much looking forward to. My son is 2 next month, and I signed him up to a toddler dance class for 18m+. All of the other kids vaguely followed what the teacher was asking, however my son was trying to run out of the door, trying to go through people's bags, pinching other childrens' instruments, etc etc. I could feel everyone looking at me. He really needs to socialise with other children, but is always the crazy one. Someone made a comment 'there's always one'

I realise how pathetic I am to cry over this but I am just so overwhelmed by it. I was so looking forward to it and it is yet another fail.

Can anyone help me feel better about this? I really am trying to be a good mum. I don't pander to his bad behaviour. I told him if he carried on misbehaving I would take him home, and I did. He talks a lot less than other kids his age. I feel like a shitty failure.

Another one sat crying today Op. Another mum of the crazy one.

Went to shop and popped to park opposite. Dd was running round like who knows what, managed to climb up big slide, had to rescue her, seven months pregnant, chased her for half hour, exhausted.

Saw a mum with daughter the same age, 22 months. She was sat drinking a coffee while her Dd sat in the swing for 45 minutes. The only time my Dd went near a swing was to launch it at me. Not a chance I could have sat down.

Dd at that everything in the park is to big for her stage and I cried all the way home.

There's always one because there are so many kids like this, you're not alone. They just beat to their own drum, and that's okay. I find a lot of parents in those sorts of things tend to be a bit judgmental for some reason. I know it's easier said then done but stick it out for your child and ignore the states and rude comments.

And you can only hope that the parent who said 'there's always one' has a kid who goes spectacularly off the rails when they are a teenager - karma is real in parenting.

There might be some fantastic dance teachers who love teaching toddlers, but I expect in most cases a) they can earn more money by running a separate toddler class, b) it keeps ones who are too young out of the first 'serious' class c) they learn a bit so the first class is easier.

And it really isn't just your little boy — just listen to .

@icedaisy I would be concerned if my two year old was happy sitting in a swing for 45 minutes! I'd much rather be the mum of the one that scaled the big slide, truly.

Take the money you would spend on the music group, save half for DS and save/spend the other half for you (feel free to spend on some chocolates or wine for yourself , whatever you fancy). Try taking DS to the park or any of the unstructured playgroup activities instead. You can go at yours and his pace, go home if he gets fed up and he'll get to burn off some energy too.

I had the "always one" child too, it's hard. They hated groups after 12m and it never worked for us. Not all children are suited to them and that is fine, they are all different. Littlest one is very energetic and I'm anticipating going to parks etc rather than groups this time around too. Esp with all the restrictions atm, I'm not even sure if our groups are running.

As for the "there's only one" commenter...if they have another baby, they'd better watch out. There's a pattern of those with easy first babies then having full-on second or third babies.

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread!

But my DS was pretty much the same at that age. Just go to a "normal" unstructured mums & toddler group. Make some friends and start meeting outside in the park where your son can run around "free"!

Not RTFT but Ive a feral 3 year old, he's worse since lockdown. I'm hoping they can work wonders at the preschool attached to a primary school he attends. Preschools/Palygroups in my area take children from 2 and have low charges, I signed ds up from 2. If you're on a low income you'll be eligible for the 15 hours free from 2 years. Phone your local council to find providers and more info.

It's way too young to start talking about things like ADHD - he's completely within normal developmental boundaries! Both of my kids were like this at 2, and furthermore DS2 is extremely suspicious of any unknown adult speaking to him and refuses to acknowledge them. DS1 was more sociable, but I didn't take him to organised activities until he was older. Maybe his childminder did, I don't know.

IME, it's parents of calmer, instruction-following children who tend to seek out these activities earlier. When you have a more active child who is less likely to follow instructions it either doesn't occur to you to take them to an organised activity, or like you have found, you try it and find it isn't age appropriate for them yet so stop going. Therefore it's a self selecting group.

Agree free-play groups and park meet ups are 10000 times better for most children this age.

This was my little one. She got so many eye rolls from parents when she 'enthusiastically hugged' other kids (they saw her rugby tackling their precious babies. I often left groups in tears. She is still full of life now but controls herself (she is 10). I had to just take her out of the groups that were really focused. 'Right sit down and do this song then go over there and do this activity and nothing else'. We stuck with more freestyle playgroups. She found her way and so will your little one. He's only little and isn't really doing anything wrong, it's all exciting and new!

oh he sounds totally normal - he's only very little. Poor you, the 'there's always one' comment was a bit out of order...
When my DD was little she was pretty good in classes etc, that wasn't the issue. She just had the most piercing scream and would unleash it out of nowhere when she was happy. I'd tell people about it and they'd laugh and say 'oh it can't be that bad, mine always squeals, it's ok,' etc and then she'd do it and they'd all go a bit quiet and look at me like I was the. worst. parent.
It sounds so silly but it was so upsetting. She grew out of it eventually and is now nearly 10 and I'm pleased to report doesn't scream from happiness any more. But I remember that feeling of burning shame so well, trying to hide it from her and everyone else. So... I hope you're ok.

Haven't rtft, but if the other parents were staring/ judging you they're in for an unpleasant surprise! I only judge parents who let their child run wild, not ones who have a boisterous kid. Don't beat yourself up! Could you take him to softplay instead? He sounds like the type of kid who'd love that!

Aww OP you’re not a failure at all. Your DS is not even two yet! If he were still behaving like this at 4yrs old then maybe you’d have cause to worry, but it’s really quite normal for toddlers to be as excitable as he is. In fact I’d be more worried if he did follow the rules to the letter at his age. Take him to a less formal mother and baby group where he can run around and explore and teach him to throw shapes by imitation when you’re dancing round the kitchen at home.

Surprised someone has actually mentioned a diagnosis of ADHD in a one year old!

Why? Did you forget you was on mumsnet?

I could feel everyone looking at me. He really needs to socialise with other children, but is always the crazy one. Someone made a comment 'there's always one

Please don't dwell on this unkind comment. This week it was your chid, next week it could be theirs!

He's only young and not everything will suit him, please don't stress about it. You're not a failure.

He's still very little. Organised classes are not for all children, they are individuals. He'd probably prefer to do something else.

You're not alone here! Pay no attention to what other parents say, your son will be fine as long as he is not pushed into something that doesn't suit.

@Angelina82

Aww OP you’re not a failure at all. Your DS is not even two yet! If he were still behaving like this at 4yrs old then maybe you’d have cause to worry, but it’s really quite normal for toddlers to be as excitable as he is. In fact I’d be more worried if he did follow the rules to the letter at his age. Take him to a less formal mother and baby group where he can run around and explore and teach him to throw shapes by imitation when you’re dancing round the kitchen at home.

That.

My ds got thrown out of two similar classes when he was aged 2-4.

He’s a well behaved teenager now.

Don’t panic. Don’t bother with the classes.

After the horrible experience with ds, I didn’t take my dd to any classes ever. She is also a well behaved teenager.

It actually isn’t necessary for a 1yo to socialise that much. Just see people who won’t be shitty about it.

@lasangoles

Surprised someone has actually mentioned a diagnosis of ADHD in a one year old!

I thought a google of ADHD in toddlers might lead to strategies to help.

I'm not sure you could actually get a diagnosis at this age

I think the criteria is something like "continuing for more than 6 months and affecting their ability to participate in age-appropriate activities."

My ds2 (27 months!) is a terror and would have been the same except he hates people singing and dancing so someone could well have been bitten. All kids are different, but some (like ours) dance to the beat of their own drum. I keep telling myself he will be a leader not a follower. I'm sorry I don't have much advice but just to let you know you're not alone, it can be immensely frustrating

Yeah put him on ritalin quick FGS.

Does he go to nursery? That will help him learn to socialise.

I wouldn’t tell him he’s naughty, or punish him - he’s just a little boy with a lot of energy.

Does he go out each day to burn off energy? I take my nearly 18 month old DS out in the morning and afternoon to burn off energy and have a run around. I don’t feed him sugary foods or sugary drinks and he doesn’t have access to iPhones or tablets- doing some of these may help?

Finally, try not to worry- if you’re concerned ask a health visitor - but my DH was wild as a little boy and my MIL was worried - he turned out fine and went to Oxbridge! He was just bright and needed stimulation.

Please don’t tell him off just for being a normal energetic child.

My DS went to a toddler class the other day and was roving around while the other toddlers sat there - he’s just young and exploring. I didn’t let him be disruptive eg pull the CD player over, but it was fine for him to run around.

Hope it all works out, OP.

I don't think Chavvy's suggestion is totally out of place. My ds was flagged up at 2 years old check up and referred to community paed. The diagnosis was inconclusive but certainly worth being seen by the professional. Tbh, I had a gut feeling that my ds was different, so may not be the case for most children, especially the OP's, but I'm sure she would know.

Sounds normal for that age really. My (lovely, sociable and pretty 'well behaved now 3yo dd was the same).

Took her to a toddler sense class - she just tried to climb over the barrier to get to the church piano / rip the blinds from the window. Tried swimming lessons - she would get herself out from the edge of the pool and run off!

I realised structured activities weren't really for her at that point so stuck to the park / woods and the occasional church hall playgroup.

With time she started to enjoy more structured things and is now thriving at preschool and loves all the group activities there.

Sounds normal for that age really
It really is normal. Just because there are some who sit colouring in quietly or doing jigsaws, it doesn't make the over energetic one's remotely abnormal.