Why is my child always the crazy one? I feel like a total loser.

[lasangoles]

I'm sat in my car crying after another failed attempt at a toddler class that I was so much looking forward to. My son is 2 next month, and I signed him up to a toddler dance class for 18m+. All of the other kids vaguely followed what the teacher was asking, however my son was trying to run out of the door, trying to go through people's bags, pinching other childrens' instruments, etc etc. I could feel everyone looking at me. He really needs to socialise with other children, but is always the crazy one. Someone made a comment 'there's always one'

I realise how pathetic I am to cry over this but I am just so overwhelmed by it. I was so looking forward to it and it is yet another fail.

Can anyone help me feel better about this? I really am trying to be a good mum. I don't pander to his bad behaviour. I told him if he carried on misbehaving I would take him home, and I did. He talks a lot less than other kids his age. I feel like a shitty failure.

[yetanothernamitynamechange]

Oh and apparently when I started school during gym class I climbed up the large climbing thing we werent supposed to go on all the way up to the top (I wanted to reach the beams on the roof) and when the teacher (and headteacher) told me to get down I shouted NO . Apparently my mum bumped into the teacher a couple of months ago and they still remembered me. But I think I turned out ok...

[pastandpresent]

Mine was like that. He was the only one running around doing his own thing at the toddler music/dance class while others are happily sitting and listening. He would rather throw rocks into the river, or watch the trains etc, basically if he was doing whatever he liked, he concentrated for ages without problem.

He is preteen now, and he is one of the best behaved child according to teachers.

Socializing is important, but once he is eligible age for free child care, he can go to nursery and it's not too late.

[NotanotherSAHM]

I have a girl and a boy and they are so different. I always done lots of classes- DD would join in, be compliant and enjoy whatever it was. DS not interested in structured classes and wants to be free.
Please don’t be hard on yourself, we all have days when you feel like your child is the only one not doing what they are supposed to.
If you want to stick to classes, maybe look up something like toddler sense which is half hour free play on bouncy castles and physical things, then the other half structured so good for listening skills etc (my boy will still leave the circle to investigate the deflated bouncy castle but I’m quite relaxed and just try to bring him back)
There are other things like cycle tots or train master workshops so you can find something he is into.

Or like others have said, free play toddler groups- church halls etc where they put the toys out and let them crack on while you have a tea and biscuit!

[rayoflightboy]

At that age bring him to the park and let him run wild.I have all boys and not 1 would still for more than 2 minutes at that age.

[ppeatfruit]

You've got some very intelligent advice here. It's like expecting a new born to be walking in a week!!!! Take him out for a proper run to a park every day! or even twice a day! Wear him out!! He's normal !

[Mypathtriedtokillme]

At 2 he actually only needs you and your everyday life for socialising.
He learns his social cues from you.

He’s still at that play next to but not really with other kids stage. So give yourself a break.

[Iamuhtredsonofuhtred]

My younger kids are crazy. They are 7 and almost 4. My eldest at 11 is a doll so I don’t blame myself, it’s just how they are. I nearly cried on the bus this morning. All the other kids on the way to school are sitting nicely and mine are shouting about poo, sitting on each other, plating noisy games. I don’t even know how many times I told them to sit still and stop being noisy. It’s miserable and you have my sympathy. I agree with PP that you need to be more selective about where you take him. If he’s a noisy crazy one then only go places he can be noisy and crazy.

[everyonesmama]

My now 12 year old went to ballet classes for 18 months when she was 2.5. She literally did her own thing the whole time. The only bit she really enjoyed was the making faces part! Eventually I just gave up. She lost nothing from this aside from me being stressed.

She is absolutely the most sociable, popular young lady now.

[Lalapurple]

I think it's normal. Probably the other mums weren't thinking anything bad either (I wouldn't).
He might settle in to the class if you keep going- but maybe you would be better just going to a playpark to socialise with him. My son is about the same age and I reckon would be exactly the same. He isn't doing any classes so we spend a lot of time at the local playpark where he at least gets to see other children and sometimes interacts (although sometimes he just cries when they get too close)
Would do the free play playgroup in a church hall- but where I live that sort of thing isn't open- just the commercial activities...

[monkeyonthetable]

The 'there's always one' comment is pure bitchiness. Hah - they'll have payback. All children go through difficult stages. My toddlers were full on - exactly like yours. Into everything. Never listened to instructions. Did what they liked at toddler classes. But they were (almost) dream teens - no tantrums, no defiance - just laid back affectionate boys who worked hard at school.
This is probably a very MN MC thing to say but it's a good sign that he's not biddable. He's curious about the world and full of energy. Those are wonderful qualities. They may not be ideal in a dance class but in life they are assets.

[myusernamewastakenbyme]

Ahhh i remember those days well...i have 2 boys...born 15 months apart...they were both horrors as toddlers...they drove me to tears frequently...i always left places apologising and offering to pay for any damage....but they are now 23 and 21 and one has a masters degree and the other is about to start one...keep at it op....it will be fine x

[ExpectTheWorst]

Oh I had one of these. He's 5 now and still very much like that. I remember sitting crying in my car after an attempt at swimming lessons when ALL the other kids - every single one - were in the water splashing about and my ds stood at the edge, arms crossed, resolutely refusing to even dip his toe in, and then shot off running around the pool chucking around floats.

I have learnt (very slowly) that I have to do the things that he feels comfortable doing, and that that might not be what everyone else is like at 5 (or wahtever age). I have learnt to take him to things I know he will enjoy, less structured and with no waiting around for instructions. He goes to Kindi every day (not in the UK), and he does take part there, but yes is always "that child". I learnt that it is my job to support "that child" because he is mine. I won't let him become "the naughty one", we stop going to those groups. I have now found that there are in fact special activites and groups aimed more specifically at kids who can't/won't/don't sit still and listen. Some have learning difficulties, some just aren't emotionally ready for that sort of setup yet. We're starting our first group next month, I'll be interested to see how it goes.
But in the mean time, OP, you can see there's a lot of us who know exactly how it is!

[GrolliffetheDragon]

DS was the same, other children sitting down nicely while he ran in circles round them, just wanted to do what he wanted to do. He settled down after he started school, though he is still very energetic and goes stir crazy if stuck indoors for too long.

[LadyOfTheImprovisedBath]

I never did classes at this age partly for this reason partly as they seemed very expensive for what they were and I was lucky to find many toddler groups.

Though if there is something you need him quite for -long walk/play in the park to burn off some energy can work.


Peopel do say dickish things on occasions - one I remember was that mother's like me made motherhood look hard when 9 month DS was showing off about going back in pushchair and I also had a young tierd toddler on cusp of a tantrum that I was heading off. I wasn't my best but had week before just done second house move since DS had been born with DH not being able to take time off work and no family help. I thought I was doing well at the time as well.

[flatoutpanic]

I remember going to a music group with my just 2 yo DS. It was hell! They actually had to sit down in a circle for an hour; no way was my DS doing that. One week the leader produced a sticker chart to help him behave better, so we moved onto more free, unstructured activities. Lots of parks, swimming, walks etc.

He’s 15 now and absolutely lovely - definitely not crazy, even if he’s still not amazingly focussed.

Sometimes you just need to recognise something’s not working, and move on.

[Bendybarbarabee]

You’re NOT a failure OP, you’re exhausted! Lone parenting is relentless.

He’s still so little. All he wants to do is climb and run and jump, he doesn’t understand the classes. Just swap the dancing for something like toddler football or tumble tots where it’s more physical.

I know it feels like it will last forever but they are only so tiny for such a short period of time in the scheme of things. Don’t waste it feeling bad about yourself, you’re doing the best you can. One day at a time taking him to places where he can burn off some energy, and soon he’ll grow up a bit more

[Shayisgreat]

When I bring my just turned 2 year old DS to singing or story sessions I spend the whole time following him around the room while he explores. At home he'll watch youtube videos of trains going by but won't watch anything with music or a story. I agree with a pp that probably just isn't interested enough in the class. And 23 months is still very young! Try a different session where there is more free play and he'll find something to hold his interest.

[YonderTweek]

Mine was exactly like that at that age. He's 3.5 now and much better, although still has his moments! There's only so much you can do really. If he's not too into it you could try something else. Or keep going for a bit and see if it gets better. Mine hated a dance class at first and was all over the shop but kind of settled once the novelty wore off. (Then got bored again so we quit. Haha.) I'm sure no-one thinks you're a bad mum. Most of us have been there and know what toddlers are like.

[Marmitecrackers]

It sounds like he's been through a lot in his life and hyperactivity can be a symptom of this.

Perhaps you should look at nursery for socialisation at least part of the week.

Make sure you are calm as he will feed off you. Lots of structure and routine.

As for talking,it's not that unusual.make sure TV isn't playing in the background whilst he plays. No dummy and keep chatting to him

[EncroachingLoaf]

Don't beat yourself up at all op, I have this child too, almost exactly as you have described. He was a bit of a shock to the system as well as my first DC was very obedient and docile!

Are you feeling obligated to brave the groups/classes because you think they're the done thing and crucial to your child's development? If so, do consider sacking them off and do something else - run in the woods/beach/park, days out together, messy play at home, etc. Groups can be great or bloody horrific and are definitely not required as there's plenty of other great ways to stimulate and entertain DC.

I've avoided groups like the plague since my youngest because he just raises hell, I think because he is bored (they are boring!). And also because I can't deal with some of the smug mumming going on... 'there's only one indeed' like you need shitty comments like that in your life, just ignore, you're doing fine.

[AGoatAteIt]

You’re not a loser and your son sounds like a pretty normal toddler- just a different kind of normal toddler to the others in the class. A more regular free play type of group would probably be better for him and even if that doesn’t quite work out for now it’s not the end of the world or even a long term issue.

[TheWho67]

You are not a bad Mum! My DS was always the 'one'. He was a nightmare to take out. Turns out he had ASD and wasn't really interested in playing with other kids or taking instruction. He always just wanted to do his own thing. I ended up being a 'helicopter' parent - for the other kids safety rather than his own. He did get better, as I'm sure yours will. Don't give up trying different things.

[Equimum]

This was my son when I took him to a sing-a-long session at the library when he was a similar age. I was mortified. He did much better at unstructured playgroups, like those than tend to run in church halls. He also seemed to socialise well at playparks etc.

Maybe leave the structured classes for now, and socialised in less structured ways. My son didn’t really enjoy structure until he was almost school age.

[EncroachingLoaf]

Also to add, I get that you want him to benefit from the socialising aspect of groups, but he still really young and he will get there. Mine is 2.5 and benefitting from socialisation with other kids at the childminder, plus friends/family which I find to be enough at the mo for his age.

[Catiopea]

This kind of supportive thread is wonderful, so many reassuring comments and very good, practical advice.

lasa I think maybe your confidence is low having had to deal with a very difficult time (re child’s father) and you are exhausted and parenting alone and have the weight of society/‘what will people think’ on your shoulders.

you have survived your ex, you are managing and LO running about like a mad thing is normal at his age.

I hope you can feel the warmth of the people responding, even the ‘always one’ comment has been very easily explained upthread as possibly a kindly/relieved way to say ‘it happens to all of us at one time or other, today it was you, tomorrow it could be me’.

I second fresh air, a park or somewhere safe for LO to run about and preferably with a seat or wall so you can sit down and watch him. A flask of tea/sandwiches even to stay out longer, because the fresh air is good for both of you. (Imagine a lift full of farts = stuck inside with worries - getting outside means you are stuck thinking/smelling them all day )

And at not even 2yrs old your LO and you have plenty of time to find out what things will get him interested when he is able to focus on something for longer.