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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help - other people's screaming children; what to do?

312 replies

Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 11:52

I live in a terraced house in London. Our street is quite noisy before midnight, but I usually get up for work at around 7.00, so I can go to sleep around 12-ish, avoid the noise on the street waking me up, get 7 hours, and that is fine.

A couple of weeks ago, our neighbours told me and dp that they are swapping bedrooms with their children (2yrs old and 3 yrs old) so that the children can have a bigger room. The children's new room is on the other side of mine and dp's bedroom wall.

The swap has obviously happened because I have been woken up before 5.00am 3 times in the last week by the 2 year old screaming for his mummy. The parents now sleep in the back bedroom the other side of the house and can't hear anything (I assume they can't; our back bedroom is v quiet and quite far from our bedroom).

I haven't been able to get back to sleep after the 2 year old's screaming has woken me up. I have no children, but am expecting my first in Feb and am more tired than usual anyway at the moment. My reduced sleep from the early wake up calls is making me exhausted and it's interfering with my work.

So, my question is how to deal with this: should I say something to the parents next door (and if so, what), or just put up with it? The neighbours also have a 7 month old baby, but her crying hasn't woken me up before; I can only assume that it is the 2 year old's stronger lungs that are the problem.

All advice welcome.

OP posts:
melsy · 09/10/2007 13:38

just a reality check me thinks

Paddlechick666 · 09/10/2007 13:40

i disagree Willow. I think the spirit of MN is fully represented here.

There is some good advice, there is some humour, there is some exasperated wake up and smell the coffee stuff too.

from what I have read there are no actual personal attacks on the OP.

kslatts · 09/10/2007 13:40

YABU. I think you are in for a big shock when you have your baby. What would you say if your baby wakes a lot during the night and wakes your neighbours? Would you change around bedrooms if your neighbour requested you to?

As for it being easier for SAHM, I think you are wrong and will realise that once your baby is born. I would find it easier to come to work after a sleepless night than look after a baby.

MadamePlatypus · 09/10/2007 13:40

When we go to stay with PIL babies and children next door sometimes wake me up. Ooh the luxury of being woken by somebody else's child and not actually having to get out of bed.

bossykate · 09/10/2007 13:41

the only really nasty comment was mine and have fulsomely apologised and asked for the offending post to be removed which has now happened

GColdtimer · 09/10/2007 13:42

When dd has a bad night I am so grateful if it is the night before I have to work rather than look after her. Working is so much easier.

I do think Bessie is being unreasonable and doesn't have a clue, but did any of us when we were pg with our PFBs?

blueshoes · 09/10/2007 13:44

Am with you, platypus and twofalls

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 09/10/2007 13:45

Is your house semi-detached bessie?? I mean, are you going to inflict this child on a different set of neighbours if the rooms are swapped. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to make sure their children are on the non-shared wall.

I currently have a 2yo and a 6yo and my 2yo is in the smaller bedroom with the non-party wall, however I am also pregnant and when DC3 comes along once I have stopped co-sleeping it will be sharing a bedroom with ym youngest, against a party wall. I have no other choice

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 13:45

I am only being woken up because they have moved their children's bedroom. They have a part time au pair to look after the baby, the older children are at nursery and the mother is a sahm. Whether I am in for a shock or not is irrelevant; it will be my child, so my problem. If my child were waking my neighbours up and interfering with their livelihood, of course it would concern me.

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 09/10/2007 13:45

" I would find it easier to come to work after a sleepless night than look after a baby. "

Really? Really really?

You see this is where I part company with many of those on this thread! It's hideous trying to look reasonable, be alert, sit through meetings and generally keep awake whilst staring at a puter screen and actually acheive something constructive. There were times when I was so tired I couldn't function anymore. And then go home and do all the other stuff as well when all you want to do is collapse tearfully into a bath and bed. Worst of all people kept looking at my face and then asking me if I'd been ill

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 13:46

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs - it is a terraced house and we have warned the neighbours on the other side about the pregnancy and asked them to let us know if it is noisy for them.

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 09/10/2007 13:47

Not to mention the times when I burst into tears in the ladies loo and had to splash water all over my face.

Sheherazadethegoat · 09/10/2007 13:48

i guess working would be easier after a sleepless night if i could put the whole office infront of cbeebies and i could crawl under my desk.

poor bessie. my heart goes out to you. if anything interupts my sleep i go nuts. yanbu you are just human. have a friendly word but if all else fails get some ear plugs.

SpookyDooooo · 09/10/2007 13:48

But bessie lets not forget it is also there house & also obviously there descision where they want there children to sleep in THERE house & non of your business?

Sorry but we can not all go round saying please can you sleep here & your kids sleep here so i can get some sleep & your kids don't wake me up.

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 13:48

OrmIrian - people keep telling me I look ill this week

OP posts:
Paddlechick666 · 09/10/2007 13:48

Bessie, honestly I don't want to be patronising but I am probably going to be!

You may feel like you would be concerned about your neighbours if your child disturbs or affects them now. Believe me, when your child is actually here, what is best for them and good for you will be your priority.

blueshoes · 09/10/2007 13:48

Orian, you were in the wrong job. I lurve being at my puter without little hands trying to pull off the keys.

funnypeculiar · 09/10/2007 13:49

Bessie - you've been woken up at 5am ish 3 times in the last week. Trust me, your sleep deprivation IS only going to get worse. Sorry

I know being pg & working is knackering, I've done it, but I still struggle with why going to bed earlier isn't an option that you're exploring before completely hacking off neighbours who in 4 mths time could be sooooo useful to you.

OrmIrian · 09/10/2007 13:50

The wrong job. Probably The right job would be a lot more lucrative. Actually I work from home 2 days a week so I do sometimes have little hands around but they've learned not to play with the keyboard.

CaptainUnderpants · 09/10/2007 13:51

Keep in with your neighbour - you may well want her help and advice after your baby is born .

An unfortunate fact of life when you live in an ajoining dwelling.

Very difficult when you are preganant and tired but perhaps - ear plugs and go to bed ealier.

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 09/10/2007 13:52

bessie, I mean your neighbours house, if they move the 2yo surely it will wake the other side???
And what will you do if one side gets annoyed?? move the baby and upset the otherside instead??

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 13:52

Funnypeculiar - because our house is listed and we can't get double glazing, and people who live on the street (including our neighbours) make noise outside that wakes me up earlier. That is a problem everyone on my side of the street has, and we have all voiced concerns about it but haven't yet found a solution other than replacing all the windows in the houses with hand-made, 'authentic', double-glazed replacements which, unfortunately, none of us can afford.

OP posts:
Sheherazadethegoat · 09/10/2007 13:52

i hate the idea that just because we become families we have to become big selfish twunts. she is only going to have a friendly word not suggesting they keep the child in a lead box at night.

funnypeculiar · 09/10/2007 13:52

fwiw, we live in a semi. Ds was a shit sleeper. Our (lovely, single) neighbour moved rooms when he was about 5 mths. He (neighbour) never SAID it was anything to do with ds, but both sides knew it.
We gave him a very nice Christmas present, & are still on very good terms with him.

Him telling us that our baby wasn't sleeping would just have hacked us off (we KNEW - we wanted him to sleep too), and done no good to anyone. IMHO.

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 13:53

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs - I did wonder if they moved the bedrooms initially because the other neighbour complained.

OP posts: