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Original poster

Help - other people's screaming children; what to do?

312 replies

Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 11:52

I live in a terraced house in London. Our street is quite noisy before midnight, but I usually get up for work at around 7.00, so I can go to sleep around 12-ish, avoid the noise on the street waking me up, get 7 hours, and that is fine.

A couple of weeks ago, our neighbours told me and dp that they are swapping bedrooms with their children (2yrs old and 3 yrs old) so that the children can have a bigger room. The children's new room is on the other side of mine and dp's bedroom wall.

The swap has obviously happened because I have been woken up before 5.00am 3 times in the last week by the 2 year old screaming for his mummy. The parents now sleep in the back bedroom the other side of the house and can't hear anything (I assume they can't; our back bedroom is v quiet and quite far from our bedroom).

I haven't been able to get back to sleep after the 2 year old's screaming has woken me up. I have no children, but am expecting my first in Feb and am more tired than usual anyway at the moment. My reduced sleep from the early wake up calls is making me exhausted and it's interfering with my work.

So, my question is how to deal with this: should I say something to the parents next door (and if so, what), or just put up with it? The neighbours also have a 7 month old baby, but her crying hasn't woken me up before; I can only assume that it is the 2 year old's stronger lungs that are the problem.

All advice welcome.

OP posts:
dissle · 09/10/2007 11:55

Can you not move into your quiet back bedroom?

Tamdin · 09/10/2007 11:57

very difficult situation bessie which you'll understand even more when your have your own! people can be very defensive about their children/noise as it's not ideal for them either! I'm guessing they can actualy hear the child but are trying a bit of cc to get him to sleep on a bit longer in the mornings.
I would maybe wait and see if he settles down. it could be the change of room that has caused the disruption to his sleep.
also a new born can make alot of noise so it might be an idea to keep them on side

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 11:59

Dissle - unfortunately, we have a lodger in the back bedroom until the baby is born, so moving there is not an option.

Tamdin - I know you're right, but the lack of sleep this week is driving me crazy. I burst into tears this morning because I was so tired - first time this pg. Perhaps I should try to give it another week.

OP posts:
TwigorTreat · 09/10/2007 11:59

you can't say anything .. because there is no way it will ever be taken well .. and they are not going to swap back

you need to move bedrooms yourself

bozza · 09/10/2007 12:00

Maybe their 7mo is still in with them, and so in the bedroom away from you? I would try and approach it tactfully, because you may well find yourself in a similar position not too far down the line.

TwigorTreat · 09/10/2007 12:01

sleep on the couch?

move bed away from the wall?

sleep with some music on so it doesn't disturb you

it's just a phase which the 2 year old will grow out of.. by which time yours will be doing it

bozza · 09/10/2007 12:01

Is your bed against the partition wall? Any chance of re-arranging your room? Has your lodger complained previously?

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 09/10/2007 12:01

I was about to say "You're a parent, you should understand." but you're not. Yet. You will be though and you'll look back and think "I can't believe I was so intolerant!"

No, you shouldn't say anything - what do you expect them to do? Swap rooms back for your convenience?

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 12:02

bozza - I think their newborn was in their room when they were next to us, but it didn't wake me up. This is a v loud, screamy 2 yr old. do you have any suggestions on how to approach it tactfully? I'm not so good at that...

OP posts:
bozza · 09/10/2007 12:03

Err..Ask them how the room change is going, and then take it from there?

RubyShivers · 09/10/2007 12:04

IMO you can't say anything
I would put money on the fact they can hear their DD but are trying to encourage her to not get up at 5.00 am

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 12:04

Well, yes, I would like them to swap rooms back for my convenience, because their bloody child is waking me up v early (4.40am this morning) and it's affecting me a lot. However, I recognise I may not be able to ask them for this.

OP posts:
edam · 09/10/2007 12:05

I don't think you are unreasonable to be pissed off. I'd be fed up if my neighbours were waking me up, whatever the reason. I'd be understanding if they had a noisy baby, but not if they had inflicted it on me by swapping bedrooms! And this is a 2yo, not a baby, so they should be doing something about it. If they know their 2yo wakes and yells at 5, they really should be sorting it.

I'd tell them, in a non-aggressive way, that since they changed bedrooms their 2yo is waking you at 5 and lack of sleep is making you feel ill. Perhaps discuss soundproofing the wall, or them changing their routine or something?

funnypeculiar · 09/10/2007 12:06

trust me, if you can hear their child, I rather think they will have noticed.
No, I wouldn't say anything - it will go down VERY badly (bear in mind they'll be shattered too), and realistically, what do you expect them to do? Change the sleeping plan that they have worked out as best for their family to accomodate you for the next 4 mths? And would you do if they ask you to change the room the baby sleeps in as it's keeping their kids awake??

They could be a brilliant, brilliant resource for you in 4 mths time. If I was you, I'd find ways round things & just keep quiet.

I suggest you learn to go to sleep earlier ... before your own baby is waking you at 5am

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 12:06

The mother next door is a sahm, which I imaging (and I'm sure you're all about to set me right on this) makes it easier to get up at 4.40am, because then you can nap with your children in the afternoon. I just get really stressed when I'm at work and all I want to do is sleep.

Rubyshivers - you're probably right.

OP posts:
ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 09/10/2007 12:06

"yes, I would like them to swap rooms back for my convenience, because their bloody child is waking me up v early (4.40am this morning) and it's affecting me a lot."

Well, Bessie, you are in for a horrible, nasty shock when your baby arrives.

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 09/10/2007 12:07

"because then you can nap with your children in the afternoon"

Oh PMSL!! hahahahahaha!

RubyShivers · 09/10/2007 12:08

dragon - don't be norty

LoveMyGirls · 09/10/2007 12:09

Can you put all your furniture along the joining wall to try and muffle it abit. I'm afraid I wouldn't approach them either, i can appreciate you are tired but children cry and scream at different times day or night and though it's annoying its unavoidable.

I'm sure they are not best pleased about their 2yr old waking them every morning at 5am. It probably is just the room change.

RubyShivers · 09/10/2007 12:09

nothing makes it easy to get up at 4.40 am SAHM or WOHM
both are very hard, knackering jobs

TwigorTreat · 09/10/2007 12:09

you could try inviting her in coffee and saying

"Look I know this it totally and utterly unreasonable of me, but I'm so tired I just can't think straight and I needed to let you know that your 2 year old is waking me up every morning at around 4 or 5 .. I know I'm going to be in for a huge shock and I appreciate it if there's nothing you can do about it .. but I wanted to just let you know .. and wonder if maybe his bed could be moved to the other wall .. I do know this is totally crap of me I hope you're not offended"

and then hope she is not offended

and the SAHM thing is just bollocks .. you get more rest if you go to work

ThursdayNext · 09/10/2007 12:10

It's a pain, but I don't think you can do anything except adjust your sleeping arrangements (go to bed really early, sleep on the sofa for a few nights, whatever you can).
I don't know what you could expect the neighbours to do? Random sleep madness is common in toddler's as well as newborns, I'm afraid, especially after a change in room or other new circumstances. Hopefully the 2 year old will settle down soon.

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 09/10/2007 12:10

I'm not being norty, I'm being honest!!

bozza · 09/10/2007 12:11

I think you lot are being a bit harsh and condescending on here. I can remember how it was when I was pregnant and working and commuting and tired. And my SIL who is similarly pg has just had a week off work because her own child was keeping her up in the night. I think Edam's approach and opinion is more reasonable.

RubyShivers · 09/10/2007 12:12

i know you are dragon ...
but before the birth of any PFB you just can't get your head round it - the sleep deprivation which makes you want to weep, no naps as your baby cries non-stop, not getting dressed for 3 weeks etc etc

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