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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help - other people's screaming children; what to do?

312 replies

Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 11:52

I live in a terraced house in London. Our street is quite noisy before midnight, but I usually get up for work at around 7.00, so I can go to sleep around 12-ish, avoid the noise on the street waking me up, get 7 hours, and that is fine.

A couple of weeks ago, our neighbours told me and dp that they are swapping bedrooms with their children (2yrs old and 3 yrs old) so that the children can have a bigger room. The children's new room is on the other side of mine and dp's bedroom wall.

The swap has obviously happened because I have been woken up before 5.00am 3 times in the last week by the 2 year old screaming for his mummy. The parents now sleep in the back bedroom the other side of the house and can't hear anything (I assume they can't; our back bedroom is v quiet and quite far from our bedroom).

I haven't been able to get back to sleep after the 2 year old's screaming has woken me up. I have no children, but am expecting my first in Feb and am more tired than usual anyway at the moment. My reduced sleep from the early wake up calls is making me exhausted and it's interfering with my work.

So, my question is how to deal with this: should I say something to the parents next door (and if so, what), or just put up with it? The neighbours also have a 7 month old baby, but her crying hasn't woken me up before; I can only assume that it is the 2 year old's stronger lungs that are the problem.

All advice welcome.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 09/10/2007 12:12

I would go to bed earlier if I was you I generally get up about 6.30 am therefore go to bed about 9pm watch tv for an hour then asleep by 10.30 at the latest. Believe me you will need all the rest you can get.

Tamdin · 09/10/2007 12:13

bessie I know you're pregnant and knackered but trust me they won't take it well and once you have your baby you will look back at this thread and think....Doh!
sleep deprivation with a new born is something no-one can prepare you for and unless you do a claire verity on your baby's ass then you can expect that your baby will def wake them at some time or another. I really wouldn't say anything for now

TwigorTreat · 09/10/2007 12:13

I'm not being harsh

Lazarou · 09/10/2007 12:14

What ThursdayNext said

bossykate · 09/10/2007 12:15

And this is a 2yo, not a baby, so they should be doing something about it. If they know their 2yo wakes and yells at 5, they really should be sorting it.

go on edam what is your magic solution for early wakers market it and you'll make a mint. pmsl at "should be sorting it"

bessie, my pg neighbour did this to me when we had a newborn and a 3yo - she asked me to swap rooms. there is no way to approach this which won't offend and asking for a room swap is too much. you have to remember it'll be you down the line and you will be cringing at this thread.

bozza · 09/10/2007 12:15

I must admit that I raised a slightly sceptical eyebrow at the idea of getting a 3 yo, a 2yo and a 7mo all to nap simultaneously. BUT you have no idea what job bessie is doing and what it is taking out of her.

ThursdayNext · 09/10/2007 12:15

Bessie, she won't be able to nap in the afternoon, really.
She will be very busy with 3 children of those ages. Really, truly, very busy.
It's only a week, give it a bit longer before you even think of saying anything.
Is the baby going to sleep in your room to start with? If it's still going on in a few weeks, maybe you could discuss the paper thin walls in general with the neighbours, as it's probably going to be an issue the other way round anyway.

Gizmo · 09/10/2007 12:16

On the bright side... you might find this is temporary. Do you get on with earplugs? I find they're absolutely brilliant for blocking out this sort of thing on a temporary basis.

Obviously if this is still carrying on when your baby arrives you might want to consider more radical soundproofing between your two houses.

I think it is possible to raise it - particularly if you get on with the neighbours generally - but the crucial thing will be to make sure you have some ideas about how to solve it that don't involve much effort on their part. Hence the soundproofing on your side. Bear in mind they will be as shattered as you are, and this is notorious for making people a bit touchy and not very good at tactful social interactions.

Cf rest of Mumsnet for examples...

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 09/10/2007 12:16

Well, I've just moved BabyDragon into her own room on the party wall. She wakes at 5am, shouting. There is f-all I can do about it and I'd love to know how I'm supposed to "sort it".

Quite frankly, if my neighbours complained however tactfully, I would be extremely p-ed off and probably less than polite. Doubly so if they were childless but expecting their first baby. I would certainly be less than tolerant should their PFB wake me up at all.

LoveMyGirls · 09/10/2007 12:16

Yes I remember the days of working full time and commuting for an hour a day I used to get a whole hour to myself in the afternoons, sometimes i'd get my nails done or go to my collegues house for a cuppa and a rest.............Mind you I actually don't have it too bad at the moemnt (both children nap for 2 hrs every afternoon - though i can't sleep then as have to be awake as techinically i'm on duty! But there have been times when I was lucky to get 10mins to myself when I was caring for a 3 n half yr old for 50 hrs a week who happened to be very very hyper and I had my own dd2 who was 7mths old and waking in the night teething!

bossykate · 09/10/2007 12:17

quite, soupy. just sort my a**e. lololol.

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 09/10/2007 12:17

"I think you lot are being a bit harsh and condescending on here"

No, we're being honest. Well, I am anyway. It's not a barking dog, it's not loud music, it's not adults shouting or fighting it's a toddler.

edam · 09/10/2007 12:18

bk, I know, I know! But I do think it's unfair to move your early-waking, screaming 2yo into another bedroom where they wake your pregnant neighbour up.

They created the problem, they have to take some responsibility for sorting it. Moving the kid's bed if it's against the wall, laying down carpet and sound-absorbing furnishing, sound proofing the bloody wall.

LucyJones · 09/10/2007 12:18

I wouldn't say anything simly because when your baby is born they might complain about it keeping them awake all night

bozza · 09/10/2007 12:18

Cross-posted with your slightly more reasonable post, twig. I will rise above your comment about going to work for a rest. I just thought that some sympathy for the OP wouldn't have gone amiss in general. Mums who post about the lack of sleep caused by their own children usually get plenty of sympathy.

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 09/10/2007 12:19

Mind you, I'm selfish. I finally moved BabyDragon to her own room aged 19 months because she wakes in the night, cries loudly and goes back to sleep. In my room she woke me up and shouted longer and louder because she could see me. I was (and still am) exhausted. Probably dangerously so given I have the school run in the morning.

TwigorTreat · 09/10/2007 12:19

LoveMyGirls why can't you nap if both children are asleep? What are you on duty for?

MaeWhooooohest · 09/10/2007 12:20

My 15 month old wakes and yells at 4 or 5 am. We do get up to him, but he's still woken us up... if I could stop him doing it, believe me I would!

OP - I do sort of understand how you feel. I remember when I was pg and our neighbour's baby, about 12 months at the time (whose room adjoins ours) was yelling in the night. I remember wondering why they didn't stop her crying . Once DS came along, one of the crappest of crap sleepers to for about a year, I understood as I cowered with my head under the pillow

HonoriaGlossop · 09/10/2007 12:20

I think in a few weeks when your baby is here and crying possibly for hours in the night, or if not for hours then possibly two or three times for feeds, etc, then you will be disturbing the neighbours just as much. I'd keep quiet now in the hopes that they will extend you the same courtesy when you have your baby.

And for the record, being a SAHM is harder and more tiring than travelling and being at work. Being at work is a rest in comparison for most people. As a SAHM it is not usually possible to nap in the day (IF your child allows this by HAVING a nap!) because keeping a house under control is not possible in the long term if you were to sleep every day. If she has a child of two it's probable that child has given up daytime naps anyway.

I think keep quiet for now, see what you think when your baby is six months - it may be very different.

edam · 09/10/2007 12:21

Look, I'm a parent too, but I don't see why crying children are an acceptable cause of noise while loud music etc. isn't. A tiny baby, yes, because it's unavoidable. But this was avoidable, they chose to move rooms. And may have no idea that it's causing any problem.

bossykate · 09/10/2007 12:21

bessie, go ahead and say something if you want to ruin your relationship with them for all time.

ooh yes let me see i've got a newborn and an early waker so i'm really getting hardly any sleep - i know i'll run around doing chuffin diy and furniture moving

and btw i'd be round like a shot to complain if the bessie's new baby made a peep...

ooh raw nerve for me obviously

LucyJones · 09/10/2007 12:21

was thinking the same as Twig - presumably you sleep at night when they sleep

TwigorTreat · 09/10/2007 12:21

but Boz me ol' mucka ... going to work, being surrounded by adults, commuting (as an adult alone .. oh god an adult alone ) having work stresses is NOTHING like being stuck with 3 x under 3s ... and you well know it ..

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 09/10/2007 12:22

Do I feel guilty about my neighbours? A little and that's why I've left it so long but I'm past the point of caring TBH. They have a baby anyway.

I used to be noise-intolerant before I had children. I still am really but I'm not so naive any more and look back on my past self and wince in embarrassment.

bossykate · 09/10/2007 12:22

no, being the f/t wohm of small children is much harder than being a sahm. IMHO