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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help - other people's screaming children; what to do?

312 replies

Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 11:52

I live in a terraced house in London. Our street is quite noisy before midnight, but I usually get up for work at around 7.00, so I can go to sleep around 12-ish, avoid the noise on the street waking me up, get 7 hours, and that is fine.

A couple of weeks ago, our neighbours told me and dp that they are swapping bedrooms with their children (2yrs old and 3 yrs old) so that the children can have a bigger room. The children's new room is on the other side of mine and dp's bedroom wall.

The swap has obviously happened because I have been woken up before 5.00am 3 times in the last week by the 2 year old screaming for his mummy. The parents now sleep in the back bedroom the other side of the house and can't hear anything (I assume they can't; our back bedroom is v quiet and quite far from our bedroom).

I haven't been able to get back to sleep after the 2 year old's screaming has woken me up. I have no children, but am expecting my first in Feb and am more tired than usual anyway at the moment. My reduced sleep from the early wake up calls is making me exhausted and it's interfering with my work.

So, my question is how to deal with this: should I say something to the parents next door (and if so, what), or just put up with it? The neighbours also have a 7 month old baby, but her crying hasn't woken me up before; I can only assume that it is the 2 year old's stronger lungs that are the problem.

All advice welcome.

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 09/10/2007 21:37

where is Aitch, she is always fab on neighbour problems?

Hellcat · 09/10/2007 21:39

WAX EARPLUGS
they have them in Boots, mould them well after warming them in your hands and wiggle them deep into your ears, there's a knack.
I live just metres from bloody Cathedral with bells going every 15 minutes...
Seriously, they work.
You will also find them useful when some else is looking after your screaming baby and you are trying to get some sleep.

Hellcat · 09/10/2007 21:40

My Aunt and Uncle gave me this tip, their neighbours are deaf and watch TV very late.

margoandjerry · 09/10/2007 21:47

I had a deaf neighbour who played the tv very loud very late at night and I eventually learned to sleep through it by keeping my own radio on all night - on R4. Somehow your own noise is less disturbing than someone else's.

kittywitch · 09/10/2007 21:47

yep, the boots earplugs are fab!

mindalina · 09/10/2007 22:09

Sorry but...

"could you not have so much fat, grumpy sex please, its affecting my career".

PMSL

JoFan · 09/10/2007 23:04

where can I get some fat, grumpy sex?

don't care if it affects my career

i just want some

nappyaddict · 10/10/2007 01:19

you can't really do anything about it. in february you'll have your own screaming baby who will be waking them up. it's the perils of living in a terraced house i'm afraid. if it were older children screamin and shouting i think you could say something but as its a toddler not really.

lucyellensmum · 10/10/2007 08:49

Can't we all at least admit that we would be pissed off if we were woken at 4am in this way. it doesnt of course mean we should say or do anything other than put up with it im afraid as it is really not the neighbours fault. But i think the OP has been unreasonably flamed here.

If i were her, i'd be pissed off, id refrain from saying anything unless i was really good friends with my neighbours, even then i would choose my words extremely carefully.

PeachyFleshCrawlingWithBugs · 10/10/2007 08:49

Oh no JoFan, fat grumpy sex only exists for nasty people.... nice poeple (like you I am sure) just have a good old fashioned shag and good on 'em!

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 10/10/2007 12:19

Of course we would be pissed LEM!! But three times in a week isnt exactly the sleep deprivation that everyone is raving about.

My DS decided at 2:£0 this mornig to wake up screaming and grying, we went straight into him, after waking up ourselves (which probably took a few minutes) and tried to comfort him, he quietened down, and we went back to bed,as soon as we got into bed, he started again, so we left him for 5 minutes, to see if he hushed. He did.

Now, luckily he isnt on a party wall, but he will be once the new baby is born.

Maybe to our neighbours it would have seemed like he was crying out for twenty minutes and we were ignoring him.

Also what everyone seems to be forgetting (as I have mentioned goodness knows how many times) is that bessies neighbour is in a terraced house, therefore whatever room the child is in~ it will affect someone

Original poster
Bessie123 · 10/10/2007 12:48

Update:

The child cried on and off until midnight last night and then woke up at 4.23 this morning and cried for 'mummy' until 4.40 (yes, I timed it). Just about to go off to Boots for wax earplugs although it's a bit of a walk and as if I'm not feeliing crap enough, my SPD is getting worse.

Thanks for the sympathy on this thread - makes me feel a bit better.

And to answer some of the comments, the neighbours do have a spare room that is next to our hallway and not next to any of the neighbour's rooms on the other side of them, but they have chosen not to use it. And before you all go on, no, I am not planning to ask them to move the child in there (unless he keeps on screaming and the earplugs don't work)

OP posts:
LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 10/10/2007 12:53

Bloody big house then, what with mum and dad, three children AND a spare room.

erniesmama · 10/10/2007 12:57

Has Bessie posted to say how last night was? Could just be a phase the baby is going through ... But; we moved into our new house 3 months ago and have been woken at least 3 times a week by next door's screaming toddler, usually around 3 in the morning, but could be anytime. The toddler can keep going on and off for an hour (obviously drifting off, then letting rip again). And it is big screamy shouty crying/yelling; very loud. I get a bit distressed they don't seem to get up to toddler, as I was v.soft with my kids (who were bad sleepers). Last night was awful and we all felt a bit grumpy this morning ...

BUT: I have kids who are hideously and horribly noisy in the day, so there is a trade off. And I feel really sorry for the mum; she looks shattered and maybe there is something wrong with the toddler? So when she says 'sorry about the noise', I said 'what noise??! Can't hear a thing!'. Is this wimpy? Thank goodness she hasn't said this to my DH who would have suggested gagging DC and would be in full sympathy with Bessie! Basically I'm reading through these posts thinking there isn't really a way to resolve this -- it's crap, but it's what happens when you live in a terraced house? God, I'm such a wimp!

erniesmama · 10/10/2007 12:58

Hope the earplugs work, Bessie! Let us know how you get on!

Washersaurus · 10/10/2007 13:05

I was worried for a min you were my neighbour, but my toddler shouts in the early hours of the morning for the 'Numberjacks', never for mummy!

FWIW I leave my 2yr old to re-settle himself when he wakes as I can tell when he is really distressed or messing around

JoFan · 10/10/2007 13:06

i am your neighbour

can you keep the noise down a bit?

Washersaurus · 10/10/2007 13:14

Hmmm, what would you suggest JoFan - gagging DS1 at bedtime perhaps?

Washersaurus · 10/10/2007 13:16

Seriously, if you WERE my neighbour, you wouldn't hear DS1 shouting over the cries of DS2 and the sound of me and DH sobbing into our pillows as we are so sleep deprived.

Hellcat · 10/10/2007 13:44

Trust me Bessie, the earplugs will work. I buy them 3 boxes at a time - and you can use them more than once despite what it says on the box provided you keep your ears clean!

Don't forget, warm them up and give them a good squidging around first, then roll them as thin as you can at one end, without ending up with something that pokes your inner ear too painfully. Another tip is to lift your ear by pulling the top bit up as you 'screw' the plug into your ear.

Wish I had known about these years ago.

Another tip with the earplugs - when your baby is 2 months old and full of colic, and you are stressed out and desperately trying to sleep in the middle of the day, if you put the earplugs in, and put the baby monitor on your bedside table, you will be able to hear the baby cry, but not the neighbours, or the cars in the street or any other background noise that will keep you awake.

Plus, get blackout curtains for your bedroom - helped me sleep in the afternoons when I was totally on edge and just waiting for my DS to wake up and cry again.

Good Luck!

JoFan · 10/10/2007 14:14
PeachyFleshCrawlingWithBugs · 10/10/2007 14:59

Yes earplugs will work- we use them on the kids around industrial level sound systems and generators, without issues.

Just remember to take them out when baby arrives or you'll be in awe at your PFB who sleeps through and wondering why everyone else in the street looks so deathly LOL

LittleBella · 10/10/2007 22:17

Another point, depending on what stage of pregnancy you're at, maybe you'd be awake anyway. I dimly remember only getting about 4 or 5 hours per night in the last 3 months or so, and I didn't live near a noisy child.

Look the reason people have been exasperated, is because there is a solution which doesn't involve irritating the neighbours: that white noise machine. It looks fab. Yes it's £50 or so, but it's money well spent if it gets you a good night's sleep. I wish I'd known these things existed about ten years ago, pre-children, when I had unbelievably noisy neighbours who did everything noisily - cooking, walking, sleeping, fucking, arguing - nothing could be done quietly.

Mind you I would have missed out on some really entertaining rows and wouldn't have known all about her dad wanting the money back for his wedding, her wanting to sell his shares, what the ingredients of her onion pie were...

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 10/10/2007 23:17

Did they argue over the ingredients or was he shouting them out as he picked them off his shirt??

ninedragons · 11/10/2007 03:55

I'd buy a rug the same size as the party wall and nail it up. May look a little eccentric, but it will provide surprisingly good sound insulation, especially if you put some of that egg-box foam beneath it.

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