Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help - other people's screaming children; what to do?

312 replies

Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 11:52

I live in a terraced house in London. Our street is quite noisy before midnight, but I usually get up for work at around 7.00, so I can go to sleep around 12-ish, avoid the noise on the street waking me up, get 7 hours, and that is fine.

A couple of weeks ago, our neighbours told me and dp that they are swapping bedrooms with their children (2yrs old and 3 yrs old) so that the children can have a bigger room. The children's new room is on the other side of mine and dp's bedroom wall.

The swap has obviously happened because I have been woken up before 5.00am 3 times in the last week by the 2 year old screaming for his mummy. The parents now sleep in the back bedroom the other side of the house and can't hear anything (I assume they can't; our back bedroom is v quiet and quite far from our bedroom).

I haven't been able to get back to sleep after the 2 year old's screaming has woken me up. I have no children, but am expecting my first in Feb and am more tired than usual anyway at the moment. My reduced sleep from the early wake up calls is making me exhausted and it's interfering with my work.

So, my question is how to deal with this: should I say something to the parents next door (and if so, what), or just put up with it? The neighbours also have a 7 month old baby, but her crying hasn't woken me up before; I can only assume that it is the 2 year old's stronger lungs that are the problem.

All advice welcome.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 09/10/2007 13:54

bessie, you sound like a considerate neighbour and (rightly) expect your neighbours to be the same.

But ...

when your baby is here (ok ok I have to say this) and you are a parent, you will have to eat a humble pill and realise that there are so many things in your child's behaviour you cannot control. A lot of times, you can't just STOP a child crying. You can't GET a child to sleep if it does not want to. Your child will make you SO embarassed in public you want to disown them.

Yes ... OR you could beat them black and blue so that they don't ever make a peep (NOT).

And then you will realise why parents tend to make much allowance for (young) childrens' behaviour. We are all in the trenches.

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 09/10/2007 13:56

also bessie, if your complaint had been re: the noise in the street keeping you awake, and you being pregnant and the neighbours child waking you at such and such a time, so wished you could get to sleep earlier, I doubt anyone would have disagreed. ADULTS making noise until midnight is a problem that can be dealt with, or at least moaned about!! A child is not as easy to 'sort'.

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 14:00

To be clear, I am not complaining about the child, or expecting my neighbours to magic his crying away. I am just p*ssed off that they have moved the rooms around so that now I hardly get any sleep.

OP posts:
BracingAir · 09/10/2007 14:05

have you tried earplugs?

GColdtimer · 09/10/2007 14:07

But bessie, there could be a whole host of reasons why they moved their rooms around. I am sure they didn't do it just to p*ss you off. I know its awful when you are pg and tired and can't sleep but I am not sure there is a whole lot you can do about it.

Gizmo · 09/10/2007 14:08

Bessie

I'm sure you probably do feel ill - sleep deprivation can do that. It does to me.

Do you know why they moved the kids bedrooms? For more space for toys etc? In which case the trade off here is extra sleep for you vs more space for growing kids.

Well there are a number of things you can do for extra sleep before you have to go down the sensitive route of involving your neighbours. Ear plugs, extra sound insulation in your bedroom, possibly moving your furniture - I really think these have got to be worth a try. If they don't make a difference well then you might have to raise it with your neighbour as a last ditch thing.

It's worth remembering that while it is ghastly to feel so ill with fatigue, it is a common experience and it may well be your neighbours are feeling exactly the same way. After all they are also being woken up in the middle of the night. Because being this tired tends to lead to some, ummm, lack of empathy it has the potential to breed disagreement. It will not help if you end up in a 'I'm more tired than you' debate with next door!

So really, I'd strongly advocate helping yourself as much as you can before raising it with your neighbours. And if you do have to raise it, be prepared with some constructive suggestions, like volunteering to fit soundproofing on their side, or buying them some storage units that might go against the party wall and muffle things a bit.

GColdtimer · 09/10/2007 14:09

apart from the excellent suggestions posted by gizmo of course.

Gizmo · 09/10/2007 14:10

Aye fank U, twofalls.

MadamePlatypus · 09/10/2007 14:12

Perhaps they are leaving the 2 year old because they are trying to teach the child that its not worth getting up and to go back to sleep? Maybe it will get better in a couple of weeks?

krang · 09/10/2007 14:16

So if you go to sleep at 11 and the child wakes you up at 5 you are getting a glorious SIX HOURS of uninterrupted sleep.

Six whole hours! Oh, how I used to long for six whole hours...

TBH, I would strongly suggest not saying anything to your neighbours. You don't know why they've moved the rooms around. They may have a very good reason. And, as others have pointed out, you will need their patience and forebearance once your baby arrives. Get some earplugs, get used to them, and go to bed earlier - you may get used to the street noise.

ConnorTraceptive · 09/10/2007 14:17

As someone who is incredibly intolerant of other people's noise (even during the day) you do have my full sympathy. TBH this is why we have just moved from a terraced house to a detached and we didn't even have noisy neighbours it was just the thought that they might move and be replaced by someone noisey was enough to stress me out (yes i know I need help )

I think you've had a lot of good suggestions here and I think you should try them rather than approach your neighbour. Even though I hate other people's noise I silently seeth as generally I know I'm being a tad unreasonable

auntyspanonherbroomstick · 09/10/2007 14:18

Earplugs. Our neighbours have very loud panty sex about 4 times a week (they don't have kids.... methinks they're trying) and obviously I can't go round with a casserole and say "errrm... hi, sorry about this but do you think you and your husband could have quieter orgasms?"

So I stick in the earplugs and sleep blissfully all the way through it!

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 14:21

auntyspanonherbroomstick - yuck, that sounds horrid.

It does look like earplugs or sleeping on the sofa are the only options. Tbh, it's not only being woken up by the noise, which is bad enough, but it's quite distressing to hear a 2 yr old screaming for his mother for 15/20 mins at a time.

OP posts:
ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 09/10/2007 14:22

If you say anything to your neighbour, you will feel like a complete ar$e later on down the line. Trust me. I'm sorry but you are really coming across as hopelessly naive.

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 14:27

Ok, so then the conclusion is that I will get some earplugs and try that out for a week or so. My job isn't one where I can just muddle through indefinitely; I do need to be on the ball, so if the earplugs don't work, I will try to think of a way to raise the subject (naive or not). Perhaps I could ask if the 2 yr old has been unwell, or something (is that too blundery?)

OP posts:
GColdtimer · 09/10/2007 14:28

lol at "very loud panty sex". And at the idea of you going around with a casserole to discuss the matter.

Bessie, if you think it is distressing, it is probably 10 times worse for the mother. I know she is the one leaving him but you don't know what else she has tried. My dd cried on an off for a good 15 mins this morning at 5.15 before I could drag my exhausted body out of bed to go and see to her.

GColdtimer · 09/10/2007 14:30

Most of us do need to be on the ball Bessie, you just learn to cope with less sleep as time goes on. How well do you know your neighbour - are you friends? That would very much depend on how you raise it, if at all you do. Hopefully by the time you try the earplugs they will have the early waking sorted out....

meemar · 09/10/2007 14:31

Hi Bessie, if you do raise the subject (however tactfully), what are you hoping the outcome will be? That they will change the rooms back?

You might be very lucky, but personally I wouldn't pin my hopes too highly on this happening. It is a lot to ask, and I would personally find it unreasonable for a neighbour to ask me to do it.

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 14:33

I wouldn't say the neighbours are friends, but I have made lots of effort with them - given their children lots of presents, taken plants round etc etc. The 3 yr old tells people I am her 'best friend'. We get on fine and I have told them before (when the mother asked) that I can hear their children sometimes, but I said that it is not a problem, because I never hear them during the night. Of course, that was before the room change...

OP posts:
Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 14:35

Meemar - ideally, yes. It won't matter so much when I am not working (it didn't bother me particularly at the weekend, although it wasn't v nice), but it really stresses me out to be so tired during the week when I have to go to work. I recognise that I am probably being unrealistic but at 4.30 in the morning, it feels like a very plausible suggestion.

OP posts:
swag · 09/10/2007 14:40

FWIW I do think YABU

I'm just wondering if I am the only woman who never sleeps properly when they are pg?

In total I must've spent months sleeping or rather tossing and turning on our sofa. I just used to say to myself that it was nature's way of preparing me not to be dependant on hours of unbroken sleep.

Anyway, I really think you'll regret saying anything to your neighbour about this. If we've had a particularly bad night or early start I will always apologise to my neighbour and she always lies says she hasn't heard anything and then she apologises if her dd kept mine awake singing at bed time and I always lie and say no problem

I just don't think it's worth causing bad feeling between you and your neighbour.

Do you think you would feel better about it if they said 'sorry if our dc are waking you?'

We both know that we can hear each other's children when they get boistrous or if I am in shouty mode she just laughs and says 'I do hear you though'

TheStepfordChav · 09/10/2007 14:45

Bessie - I hear the 'exhausted' in your posts and that you just want the noise to stop. Sympathy from me. Sorry you've had some abuse from fellow mners.

Just a few points: I live in a listed building with old rattly single-glazed windows. We got a carpenter in to tidy up the downstairs & make them fit better, and upstairs we've installed secondary glazing !! Can't be seen from outside, and anyway could be easily removed. It has made a BIG difference to sound and also heat in the house.

Secondly, about 'tuning out' - neighbour has chickens (two competing cockerels from 4am!) and I was kept awake the first night we were here. The second night I made a conscious effort not to listen, and it's hardly been a
prob since. BUT, I realise that this is not the same as screaming from the other side of the wall. Can't think of a diplomatic way of raising it with them. Hope it sorts itself.

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 14:51

Stepfordchav - I will have a look at that secondary glazing thing. Was it expensive?

OP posts:
bozza · 09/10/2007 14:58

That mihgt be good bessie because I am guessing once your baby arrives you might find yourself wanting to go to bed a little before midnight, like about 8pm on some nights.

MeltingandScreamingIcarus · 09/10/2007 15:02

Try a white noise machine

here

Fabulous things. Ours stops our 3yr old from waking the baby up. And lots of other things from waking the baby. Worth a try.