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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help - other people's screaming children; what to do?

312 replies

Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 11:52

I live in a terraced house in London. Our street is quite noisy before midnight, but I usually get up for work at around 7.00, so I can go to sleep around 12-ish, avoid the noise on the street waking me up, get 7 hours, and that is fine.

A couple of weeks ago, our neighbours told me and dp that they are swapping bedrooms with their children (2yrs old and 3 yrs old) so that the children can have a bigger room. The children's new room is on the other side of mine and dp's bedroom wall.

The swap has obviously happened because I have been woken up before 5.00am 3 times in the last week by the 2 year old screaming for his mummy. The parents now sleep in the back bedroom the other side of the house and can't hear anything (I assume they can't; our back bedroom is v quiet and quite far from our bedroom).

I haven't been able to get back to sleep after the 2 year old's screaming has woken me up. I have no children, but am expecting my first in Feb and am more tired than usual anyway at the moment. My reduced sleep from the early wake up calls is making me exhausted and it's interfering with my work.

So, my question is how to deal with this: should I say something to the parents next door (and if so, what), or just put up with it? The neighbours also have a 7 month old baby, but her crying hasn't woken me up before; I can only assume that it is the 2 year old's stronger lungs that are the problem.

All advice welcome.

OP posts:
RubyShivers · 09/10/2007 12:44

OP hasn't come back ...
have we all frightened her?

OrmIrian · 09/10/2007 12:44

bessie - I have lots of sympathy for you and I can imagine how knackered you are atm. I do think that a 2yr old screaming is very very different to a baby. Our neighbours had a new baby a few months back and we never heard a squeak inspite of my neighbour constantly apologising for the noise. A howling 2 yr old would have been quite different. They certainly heard my kids shouting and playing However I really really don't think you can do anything about it - don't approach your neighbours. Either the child will get used to the situation or the parents will change things. No parent can listen to their DC screaming for hours night after night for ages. It will get better. And you will need the goodwill when your child begins to make himself heard . At the risk of sounding trite, could you get some earplugs?

And as for WOHM being able to pop to friends and have a leisurely afternoon . Maybe pre-kids but as soon as you have children it's just one long rush. The second job starts the moment you leave your office and strangely enough none of the housework does itself.

SpookyDooooo · 09/10/2007 12:44

Ha Bessie your be glad your not my neighbour.

I have an extremly loud scremaing 21 month old who wakes through the night & also does alot of screaming early morning.

In fact she was awake last night at 3am & then 4am on the dot, yes you guessed it screaming for me.

Life is not easy with kids you know, when i child is screaming you can panda to them but that is never going to make them learn, so i am sorry but sometimes they have to be left for a bit to realise it's just not on.

Saying that i don't leave dd to scream in the night because i do worry about the neighbours, but she screams alot through the day to with her tantrums.

Also SAHM = sleep in the day? huh? i wish if only life was that simple, ever heard of shopping, cooking, cleaning, school runs, toddlers group, washing, irioning, & of course coffee mornings? no time for sleep here i can tell you.

Did you say this is your first child? my god your in for a shock!

pneumalifenewname · 09/10/2007 12:46

Ear plugs. Buy your neighbour a set too for when you have a screaming newborn

Original poster
Bessie123 · 09/10/2007 12:53

thanks for all the posts - I was in a meeting and just got back to have a look at them.

The walls between us and the neighbours are fairly thick; I never heard the newborn and soI don't suppose they will hear mine. I just feel that the neighbours created this situation by moving the rooms. They are not my children, so I don't see why I should have to understand I'm in for a shock; I am happy to take responsibility for my own child and tbh, it's not the child's crying that is the problem, it's the fact that the neighbour has moved the child's bedroom next to mine which results in v little sleep for me.

It is difficult to go to sleep earlier because our house is listed and there is no double glazing, so noise from the street comes right in and it is quite noisy before about 11/12 at night.

I have tried earplugs in the past, but didn't really get on with them. I guess I will have to try again.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 09/10/2007 12:55

I am confused about all this how do you get an early waking 2-year-old to stop screaming at 4/5 am. Erm, don't you get out of bed and do what you do to make them happy, like play with them. Or cut daytime naps or push back bedtimes, so that the devil gets up at a saner time, like ... 6 am.

I have to admit that dh or I might drag our feet somewhat, cue 5 minutes of screaming. Followed by plopping them in front of toys or TV and collapsing (for as long as dc allows) on the sofa or floor next to them.

bessie, I hope for your sake you get a good sleeper. Having had 2 non-sleepers, trust me, broken sleep at 4 am is NOTHING. It is bliss compared to what went on from 10 pm the night before.

I know it is hard to be pregnant but if broken sleep is your only physical complaint, you might want to get used to it. You won't be getting much sleep anyway in later stages of pregnancy or once baby is here.

And as a WOHM mum with 2 young children, my view is that the commute and once I am at work, it is a walk in the park compared to being at home with the children. But the school run and all other housework and admin I have to fit around it when I am out of the office is a CRUSHING treadmill, without support. Getting an aupair soon ...

pneumalifenewname · 09/10/2007 12:58

The thing is there will be all manner of things keeping you and your child awake in the years to come from colds, to teething to reluctance to sleep alone. Yes this is somebody else's child but really it puts you in a situation that is at least empathetic if only you would stop insisiting on seeing this as 'not your child thus not your problem'. Parenting is a community issue imo. Ultimate responsibility with mother and father but as neighbours, friends and extended family we have a responsibility to be supportive of families.

funnypeculiar · 09/10/2007 12:59

Out of interest, are you not pretty ped off about your street being so noisy that you can't sleep beofre 12pm???

bossykate · 09/10/2007 13:00

bunny clocks! later bedtimes! ha chuffin ha

leaving this thread now.

melsy · 09/10/2007 13:02

aahhh bessie 123 my love , ignorance is bliss bliss bliss in yuor case. I hate to burst your bubble , but boyooo , yuor gonna be eating that hat once your on the other side of your pregnancy (congrats and very exciting for you) and the loooong hour up at night. Your neighbor may even have a bone to pick with you . Its something as parents we all have to just muck in with with regards to neighbours , yes it stinks , yes its frustrating, but never get on he wrong side of another family house next to you!!! You never know when you might need them hey.
Im sorry if i come across condescending , but this whole its easier for sahm being up at night is such a bug bare of mine I cant tell you. How can I sleep in th afternoon when the baby naps , with a raving loon of a 4yr old at home with the energy of 30 people (despite having strep , who btw has got all the most hideous of childhood illness the last 10weeks).

ProfessorGrammaticus · 09/10/2007 13:02

I find earplugs a godsend. The foam ones, but I have to cut them in half to use them so they don't stick out of my ears.

bossykate · 09/10/2007 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

melsy · 09/10/2007 13:03

ok errm you cant expect people to move their house around for you, I would never dream of it !!!!

possetwiper · 09/10/2007 13:04

bessie I assume it is their house so they can put their children in whatever room they like? or do you own it so therefore feel you can tell them how to organise their living space
maybe you should evict your lodger and sleep in the back bedroom

chloesmumtoo · 09/10/2007 13:05

No dont say anything. Its one of those things. With neighbours, I have found its alot worse if you fall out with them,stress. Put up with things and like everyone says it will be you in a simular situation later on lol. Kids are hard work when they dont sleep but you cant really do a great deal about it! Your homes are your homes, you cant dictate to much in that way. It could be much worse. Full blown parties,drunks and blaring music. Our neighbours moaned at us for noise and caused lots of problems for us. We are not noisey,just a family. The funny thing is things have changed now and they have had extra children so its them who we hear. Even shouting at midnight ect. Be warned things have a funny way of turning around. Sorry you cant sleep well though but be careful, you dont want to make things worse. Goodluck

bossykate · 09/10/2007 13:05

bessie, your comments have made me rather on this thread, but i want to apologise for posting your other comments here (i didn't like those much either) - however, it's mean spirited and nasty to drag things round from thread to thread, so i apologise and have asked mnet hq to delete my post.

possetwiper · 09/10/2007 13:06

I wouldn't bossykate

nzshar · 09/10/2007 13:10

We have our 3 year old in the large front bedroom and have taken the smaller back room for ourselves. The reasons we did that was to allow all toys to be in his room and that way our house is not cluttered throughout and allows a bit of adult space downstairs. To tell you the truth the thought of what next door thought didnt even cross our minds and why should it? They sound like they are very considerate neighbours to even let you know that a change was taking place. I remember living in one house and the next door couple had very very vocal sex, wasnt pleasant but didnt even occur to me to say anything it was their house to do what they want to a certain extent

RubyShivers · 09/10/2007 13:13

I wondered why the name was familiar
i am on that other thread as well ...

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 09/10/2007 13:24

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AS IF!!!!
OMG, how easy is it to tell you don't have children yet bessie, seriously where on earth do you get off thinking that your sleep is more important to this family than whedre they decide to place their child????

I really hope you do don't have to go through the same as they are when your child is born.

Why don't you take a nap when you aren't at work?? I mean, it isn't as if you have any other children to worry about.

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 09/10/2007 13:27

Oh and bossykate, if you hadnt linked that thread I may never have found it and been able to post on it.

willow · 09/10/2007 13:32

Christ, all Bessie did was ask for some advice. You'd think she was suggesting shooting the child from some replies. Yes, she hasnt' got any kids yet. Yes, she's probably in for a shock when she does have her baby. That said, the spirit of Mumsnet is sadly lacking here.

OrmIrian · 09/10/2007 13:33

Isn't it just willow

bossykate · 09/10/2007 13:36

sorry, willow, i disagree. i have first hand knowledge of grumpy dinky (pg) neighbours coming round to moan at us when i had a newborn and an early waker. and they did ask me to move ds's room! i feel i am well placed to respond to the op.

bossykate · 09/10/2007 13:37

and there have been quite a few helpful suggestions here too.