DH carried on drinking while toddler in an ambulance

[Feelingconfused2020]

I'm cross, really cross. Yesterday my DD(2) had a funny episode which had some.of the features of a stroke. To me it was more like she went "out of it" and her eyes were funny and she was unresponsive but sufficed to say I was terrified and called 999. DH was away for a friend's birthday.

To cut a long story short the paramedics decided to take us to hospital.and DH carried on drinking. He didn't rush home, he didn't even stay where he was but move to soft drinks for a while just in case. He just carried on getting more and more drunk.

I'm annoyed because I know that if the roles were reversed I would have rushed home knowing my DD needed me. Am I really unreasonable to expect my DH to feel the same? He said he thought it was under control and would have come home if I said he needed to, and I believe him, but for me that's not enough. At one point I was genuinely worried for our daughters life yet today I'm being held to account for not making things clear to him. I'm sure he hear the panic in my voice and he knew we called 999 and were take away in an ambulance I was beside myself and also trying to deal with my older kids and not scare them while organising what they would do while I was I hospital.

So am I unreasonable for feeling cross he didn't just come straight home?

I'm a child of a man like your DH. I would have loved for the drama of a divorce because then that would have been it done. My parents stayed together and it was fighting, drinking, emotional abuse between them.

I don't know if this has already been said as there are 6 pages, but it sounds like an absence seizure to me. Have a look at some videos of some and see if that looks like what it was.

Regarding your DH. What an absolutely disgusting man. If my child was being taken to hospital there would be nowhere I would want to be other than supporting that child and my partner - or at least at home looking after the other children or even just BEING there!

This is triggering for me @Feelingconfused2020 and we are now divorced because of it.

Early 2017 DC6 was vomiting from the Tuesday - I thought it was a bug as eldest DC had the same weekend before. Went to doc, dx gastroenteritis. Weds / Thurs / Fri no better, spoke to doc daily and Fri went back to doc. Saturday back to doc again. It concerned me mostly that of 4 ppl in the house, only DC was sick. Sunday DC turned grey green so I called out of hours (@8pm) and they said "direct to A&E". By 11pm DC was having first (of 3) blood transfusions. It wasn't gastroenteritis.

I called XH from emergency admittance (@9.30pm onwards) over 50 times. On the house phone and on his mobile. His mobile was switched off. He didn't answer the house phone. The consultant on call that night put his arm around me (I was terrified I was going to lose DC) and said "don't worry, I'm here. You're here. And DC is here."

7am following morning I received a text "just woke up, where are you?" He arrived at hospital around 8.45 (it's a 10 minute sprint). I told him to fuck off.

It's just not good enough, I'm sorry, it just isn't.

Same DC had major surgery during divorce proceedings. Just came out of theatre up onto ward, it was 5.15pm, DC was barely awake - XH said he had to go home. Didn't text to see how DC was until 10.20 next morning. I still have the text. It had been the longest night ever, 3am catheter was put into very awake and screaming DC as anaesthetic had played havoc with his system, and he wasn't passing urine. When it came out it was the colour of Coca Cola.

I'm trying to work out whether emotional abuse covers medical neglect (of a child). Sorry for over sharing - as I say it's hugely triggering. No one should have to go through the emergency hospitalisation of a child on their own and without support - even if that support is fairly remote.

I can't imagine hearing that my toddler had been blue lighted to a&e and not immediately trying to find a way to get to the hospital. Most folk would sober up very quickly on hearing this (not medically obviously, you'd still be over the limit, but mentally) and leave.

His reaction is not even vaguely comprehensible to me. My DH can be an idiot in a lot of ways, but I know 100% that if I rang him in a panic and told him what you told yours, he would be in a taxi and on his way and f*ck the cost. Our marriage isn't great either but that has nothing to do with this scenario.

This is bad OP.

doodleygirl Mon 21-Sep-20 10:42:10

I would suggest counselling as he doesn’t seem to understand what a twat he is.

Loved this comment. lol.

I’m so sorry you had to deal with this on your own. I can’t imagine how scary this must’ve been. What a complete dick that man is. Sending hugs x

YABU to only be ‘cross’. Cross is for when your DH forgets to take the bins out. This situation is at fucking furious levels.

I couldn’t stay with someone like this sorry. He’s an awful father. I would never trust him on his own with the kids.

* YABU to only be ‘cross’. Cross is for when your DH forgets to take the bins out. This situation is at fucking furious levels. *

^This. He’s supposed to be a father!

@Feelingconfused2020 how are things?

100% agree with PyongyangKipperbang "So the words "I have called 999" and "DD is in an ambulance" were not enough to stop him drinking?

He is a prick and fucking TERRIBLE father."

Do not allow him to convince you that you didn't say enough or do enough to convey to him that 999 and ambulance are serious.

My husband is a great man but when I went to hospital in an ambulance he didn't understand the gravity of the situation. I was fine, but might not have been.

Hope all is well now.