To refuse DS his 'greatest wish'

[Toomuchstuffwillkillme]

DS2 has always been a bit dog obsessed and has recently mounted a concerted campaign to persuade me we should get one.

He will love it to bits, walk it lots, play with it, it will be his best friend, his life will be enriched.

I'm just not convinced. I don't mind other people's dogs, but I'm just not a dog lover. (Surely that's a fairly basic requirement for dog ownership?) I really, really don't want to share my home with one. DH is sitting firmly on the fence on this one, so it's me who is being made to feel like the evil mean parent. DS promises he would feed, walk and love said dog, which is probably true. I have no doubt whatsoever who would end up doing the extra hoovering, floor washing, dog-food-buying, poop scooping etc.
We have several other non-furry lower maintenance pets who are loved, but would all be dead by now if I didn't look after them.
Apparently this would be different if we had a dog, I'd get loads of help looking after it, it would be hardly any work (Yeah right, while you're at school all day & I'm trying to work part time from home.)
And yes our existing pets are non-furry because I have pet hair allergies, though to be fair not usually to dogs.

I loathe going to houses which have dogs and getting covered in dog hair. Even if said houses have people who vacuum daily, they ALWAYS smell of dog. I suppose if it was our dog I'd get used to it.
Picking up dog poo is repellent.
Also, I am the polar opposite of Mrs Hinch. I dislike cleaning at the best of times, keeping the place vaguely straight and cleaning up after the kids is bad enough, the thought of adding a dog frankly terrifies me.
Oh and I like my garden. A lot. I don't want it dug up or pooed on or peed on.

As a family we enjoy travelling and visiting people, in the UK and abroad (2020 has not been a great year ). Closest family are over 3 hrs drive away. There is no-one here who would look after a dog for us. Most of the family would not appreciate us bringing a dog when we visit. We will end up either restricted to local dog-friendly holidays or spending a fortune on kennels.

Please help me out here, people who don't have a dog, or even people who do. What can I possibly say to DS to get him to see things from a different perspective. He's convinced that having a dog will make his life better and therefore mine too. I think it will be expensive, stressful, massively restrict my freedom and create a load of mum-work for minimal gain.

YABU - parenting is all about making sacrifices to keep your kids happy, if you can afford it you should suck it up and let DS have what he wants

YANBU - this is a huge lifestyle/financial commitment and if you're not 100% on board you'll end up regretting or resenting it - kids can't always have what they want

Please don’t get a dog.

I agree with all the PP who agree with you’re assessment of the reality OP!

My DC adore our dog who is now 10 and has been around most of their lives, but despite adoring her trying to get them to walk her is almost impossible and it always has been. This is not a problem for me because I’m a dog lover and have always had them, but if you are not keen on dogs as a rule then don’t give in because you’re absolutely right that it will all be down to you. They are also expensive to keep and a huge tie day to day. Again, fine if you know this and are fine with it but very tricky if you like travelling or even going out for the day.

There is a charity called the Cinnamon Trust that helps elderly and ill pet owners by fostering and/or walking their dogs. I suspect volunteers need to be over 18 but it might be worth looking at further. cinnamon.org.uk/volunteers/

YANBU

I love dogs, and have lived with one more often than not. But I do not believe that a DS will do what he says - I've seen this before in my own family. And guess who ended up doing the work ...

You will do most (all) of the work.

It's your home too.

Don't get a dog. They are a huge headache in my opinion. Ours shed hair everywhere, scratch, lick the floors, pee on the furniture, bark at night, eat stuff they shouldn't and subsequently throw up everywhere. Dh got them for his son when he split up with his ex. Son isn't interested in them and doesn't look after them. Lots of dog lovers on here but dogs need a lot of care and attention and I doubt your son will do it over any extended time. It'll fall to you.

I voted YANBU

Definitely try borrow a dog. I also liked the PP idea of challenging DS to go for a 30 min walk before and 45 min walk after school for at least 8-12 weeks. Longer walks at the weekend.

Every day. No exceptions...ever. But be careful, I set my DD similar challenges and she passed. I got the Ddog and now I walk it 2x a day every day . But I love dogs and grew up with them. I have grown to love Ddog more than I imagined so it’s okay.

I hate dog hair. Get a small dog (smaller poo and cheaper to keep/feed/vet etc). Also one that doesn’t malt no there is no hair, like a poodle. I have a mini poodle, she is mostly inside. I am paranoid about the house smelling and constantly ask people - I don’t think it smells but I need a lot third party reassurance. I get asked more about how I make my house smell so nice (open windows a lot and dog not allowed on fabric furnishings/my bed but she sleeps on DC’s bed - that’s all the help they have provided

One advantage is that DDog has been wonderful for DCs mental health and even I find the companionship very comforting.

But truly if you don’t want a dog then don’t get one. The commitment is like having another DC.

Ask your DS who will be doing the extra vacuuming and mopping, or who will be scoping poo off the lawn? If he claims it will be him then set him the challenge of doing extra cleaning and garden work now to prove his commitment and dedication.
We have a dog and I adore her. But I chose this for myself and my other half possibly loves her even more than me and does his fair share of dog related work. She sheds blonde hair everywhere, walks mud through the house on rainy days and my couch has to have an ugly washable cover. I would massively resent this if it was foisted on me by my child.

If you don't want a dog don't get one, you're the parent. End of. He will deal with it.
But I must say, I tormented my parents for a dog since I could talk. Dad said yes mum said no. Finally at age 12 they said I could, as long as I called all the shelters myself, told them what size/type we could take, I had to arrange several trips to shelters(parents came of course) but they made me make all the awkward calls and arrangements. It proved I was determined and becoming a little more independent so they went ahead and agreed when a suitable dog came up.
I had to use the money in my piggy bank towards the pet supplies, beds, toys etc and carry them home myself! 🤣
By the time we got that dog I had already had to do so much work that it already felt like my 'job'. She was truly my best friend, grew up with me, I had her til I was 27. It can be a lovely thing for a child.

@chipperfish my daughter is desperate for a Capybara too! This has taken the form of desperate pleading over the years and has been surprisingly easy to ignore, much easier to manage than the desperate pleading for a dog

One of my DCs has always wanted a dog, too.

I've been very clear: I don't want one, we can't afford one, we're not home enough to do right by a dog, and we're not having one. When he's a grown up and living in his own home and supporting himself, he can make that decision for himself.

dd 13 has always wanted a dog and she has been told not until she's an adult and can pay the vet bill and buy the food.

I don't want to be the one paying for a dog I don't want.

Dogs are a huge commitment and a huge tie. I love my DDog, and hate to think of life without him, but when he goes we’re not getting another for a while.
Everyone in the house needs to be on board with bringing a dog home.

Do not get a dog. You,as the adult, will be responsible for around about a decade, on average. Your DH is already opting out by sitting on the fence, so don't expect help from him.
What's wrong with saying no to your son? You can't say yes to everything they want and you don't need to feel bad about that. DS has already demonstrated a complete lack of sustained interest or responsibility for other pets. A dog would be no different. He would probably love it and play with it for half an hour a day. The other 23.5 hours would fall to you. No question.
Just say no. You don't want a dog. There's no need to feel bad about it. It sounds like your children have a nice life already.

We’ve got a little non shedding non smelling dog but it is £40 every eight weeks in grooming costs for that privilege. He takes up a lot of my time and I can’t do anything until he is properly exercised (I could also pay for this but don’t want/need to). I love him so much that it makes my heart hurt and it was me who wanted to get him and it’s me who does all of the work involved. In your case you don’t really want a dog but it will be you who does all of the work/pays all of the related costs so I would absolutely say do not do it. Your son can get his own dog when he is an adult.

Think of it this way, OP. If you don’t feel like you are ready to commit you are doing the responsible thing for the dog by not getting it. People like you should be commended for putting the dog’s needs first. You are being a good role model to your DS by saying you are not capable of providing for a dog.

I'd love a dog as would dh but we both work and putting the dog first it wouldn't be fair to leave it on its own for long periods just because we love dogs and want one. Huge commitment I think some people think it's fine to leave them for hours, I don't.

Borrow my doggy is a great idea.

No, do not get a dog. I say that as a massive dog lover who has had dogs for over 40 years.

I love my 2 dogs but they are a massive tie. If we want to go out for more than about 4 hours we have to arrange for a dog sitter to come to us or our dogs to go to them. This is what responsible owners do, not just leave them for hours on their own.

So we can't just get up and decide to go out for the day or decide on the Friday to go away for the weekend.

That to me is the biggest down side to having a dog. Yes they need training, walking, possibly brushing. They cost money for food, innoculations, vet costs, kennels or dog sitter but as long as you can afford it I don't see those things as a negative.

You can get breeds that don't moult and also dogs that don't moult are less likely to smell. Despite what one poster states, dogs do not stink. In fact some do not smell at all.

As a few posters have suggested, borrowmydoggy is a very good idea for you. One of my nieces uses this as she loves dogs and due to work cannot have one of her own. Some of the dogs she just walks but some she looks after in her own flat.

It would be ideal to have a dog to look after for a couple of days at a time or longer and see just how much your son does look after it. It also means you can see how you feel about a dog in your home.

I may have missed how old your son is, but regardless you never get a dog 'for' a child. If your son was begging for a baby sibling would you say 'oh fine, on the bases you take care full of it'? A dog is an adult responsibility, with kids learning to do their bit like walking and feeding. If the dog is still alive when your son moves out, it is highly unlikely he can take it with him so it will become 100% your responsibility. Basically, if you get a fig, you will have that dog as mostly your responsibility for It's entire life, 12 odd years.

A dog, not fig obviously

DD wanted a rabbit. We got a dog instead.

TBF she'd always wanted one, and is an only child. I had never owned a dog and simply had no idea what to do, how to do it. Several years on we all love him unconditionally, he's adorable and we wouldn't be without him. BUT the majority of the work falls to me, walks, vets, groomers, sorting homeboarding when we go away - sometimes it feels like the entire day is taken up with "doggy" things. DD's promises of doing everything lasted a few weeks.

Dogs are expensive. They are also a huge tie, and we have to plan days out well in advance so we have someone to look after him. I think that's the aspect that I dislike the most - we have no spontaneity if we want to go out.

He's as much a part of our family as anyone else and I don't regret getting him. But once he's finally gone, we won't get another.

YANBU, dogs are like children, don’t have one unless you want to.

DS can have one when he is an adult with his own place, you are not denying his dream just delaying it.

My DD would absolutely adore a dog, she has numerous soft toy and robot dogs and loves all passing dogs she is allowed to stroke. Still no chance we are getting one as neither DH or I want one, ever.

We have a much loved cat, perfect pet IMO, she is very low maintenance (quiet, has an automatic feeder, no walking, poos outside and buries it) and very strokeable. I don’t suppose there is a type of cat you wouldn’t be allergic to...?

My DD was turning 11 and desperate. She was going to walk it etc. I gave in. We got an older one from dogs trust so no toilet training. I’d never been a dog lover but I love him he’s my baby. DD is an only child and She calls him her brother. It’s very much like having a toddler. I do virtually all dog care, spend at least 90 mins walking him. Very tying if we want to go out for long he needs a dog sitter. Luckily his grandma my mum is equally besotted and minds him.

TBH I don’t even know why you’re giving this a second thought. “No, we’re not getting a dog.” And leave it at that.

I was the same as you, never been a dog person, just didn’t like them that much but ds was desperate for one. I thought about it for a long time and decided to get one. It was hard work at first but I’m glad we’ve got him. I think he has enhanced our lives. The boys love him and whilst it’s DH and me that takes him for most of his walks, I’m actually enjoying this. He’s come on all our uk holidays and been in the kennels twice when we’ve been abroad.

I didn’t want dog hair everywhere either and ds1 has allergies so we got a miniature australian Labradoodle. He doesn’t shed and doesn’t have a doggy smell.

Going through this at the minute with DD! She’s 7 and “Lewis the goldfish” is not cutting it anymore

Pointed her onto borrow my doggy and she compromised, then told me if she goes out and buys one I can’t just get rid of it 😂 good luck hunny

Wow been out for a bit with the DC, never thought this would get to 9 pages! Appreciate everyone's input, I'm going to get (tween) DS to read through the thread in the hope he can see things from a slightly less rose-tinted point of view - he's a good kid, just not very practical! I really would like him to have the chance to borrow/walk/look after a dog and will do my best to help him organise that asap.
But reading the thread has confirmed that actually owning a dog would definitely be too much of a tie for us. The lack of being able to spontaneously go somewhere non dog friendly would be what I'd find hardest, I am just beginning to really appreciate getting a bit of freedom / my own life back now DC are out of primary.
I love small children, which is why I volunteer with them for a few hours a week - it also helps remind me why I don't really want another baby of my own as they're 24/7 and can't be given back