To refuse DS his 'greatest wish'

[Toomuchstuffwillkillme]

DS2 has always been a bit dog obsessed and has recently mounted a concerted campaign to persuade me we should get one.

He will love it to bits, walk it lots, play with it, it will be his best friend, his life will be enriched.

I'm just not convinced. I don't mind other people's dogs, but I'm just not a dog lover. (Surely that's a fairly basic requirement for dog ownership?) I really, really don't want to share my home with one. DH is sitting firmly on the fence on this one, so it's me who is being made to feel like the evil mean parent. DS promises he would feed, walk and love said dog, which is probably true. I have no doubt whatsoever who would end up doing the extra hoovering, floor washing, dog-food-buying, poop scooping etc.
We have several other non-furry lower maintenance pets who are loved, but would all be dead by now if I didn't look after them.
Apparently this would be different if we had a dog, I'd get loads of help looking after it, it would be hardly any work (Yeah right, while you're at school all day & I'm trying to work part time from home.)
And yes our existing pets are non-furry because I have pet hair allergies, though to be fair not usually to dogs.

I loathe going to houses which have dogs and getting covered in dog hair. Even if said houses have people who vacuum daily, they ALWAYS smell of dog. I suppose if it was our dog I'd get used to it.
Picking up dog poo is repellent.
Also, I am the polar opposite of Mrs Hinch. I dislike cleaning at the best of times, keeping the place vaguely straight and cleaning up after the kids is bad enough, the thought of adding a dog frankly terrifies me.
Oh and I like my garden. A lot. I don't want it dug up or pooed on or peed on.

As a family we enjoy travelling and visiting people, in the UK and abroad (2020 has not been a great year ). Closest family are over 3 hrs drive away. There is no-one here who would look after a dog for us. Most of the family would not appreciate us bringing a dog when we visit. We will end up either restricted to local dog-friendly holidays or spending a fortune on kennels.

Please help me out here, people who don't have a dog, or even people who do. What can I possibly say to DS to get him to see things from a different perspective. He's convinced that having a dog will make his life better and therefore mine too. I think it will be expensive, stressful, massively restrict my freedom and create a load of mum-work for minimal gain.

YABU - parenting is all about making sacrifices to keep your kids happy, if you can afford it you should suck it up and let DS have what he wants

YANBU - this is a huge lifestyle/financial commitment and if you're not 100% on board you'll end up regretting or resenting it - kids can't always have what they want

Dogs are a huge commitment, need walking 2-3 times a day, need somewhere to stay when you need to go away overnight or on holiday. Your son will soon tire of walking it etc and it will be left to you. You could get one like mine that follows me everywhere and can't be left and if you aren't a huge dog lover that will just annoy you. Dogs are like kids, they are hard work.

Stay strong, just say No.

I was that child too and it's hard to be told No

However, Even if DS does do everything he's said he will do (extremely unlikely!!) he'll soon want to be iff with his mates, then at college/Uni/working and YOU will have a dog - that you don't want & even
If you fall in love with it - it'll restrict YOUR life, not his.

RE YOUR DH - it's not fair of him to be 'on the fence' and leave it to you to say No to DS.

I really really want another dog, however, I'm not in a position where I can commit to living where I am (and it's expensive & not very nice for them to travel half way around the planet) and I couldn't bear to rehome them. So I'm not getting one. Maybe one day my life will be more suited to having one, until then I keep needing to 'parent' myself and say no 😢

My youngest always wanted a dog. Now married with his own home and his wife’s cat, he does not. Cat is minimum hassle and goes in and out of a bedroom window. He adores my son and my son loves him. They now have a baby so maybe he will change his mind as the child grows up. His decision! I grew up on a farm with all sorts of animals but they were never allowed in the house. In my own home I always maintained that I had enough people to look after and clean up after without adding a cat or dog to the mix. I loathe hairs and the thought of cleaning up dog poo is something else I would hate. Your decision though.

Dogs are lovely but a huge commitment. I wouldn't get one unless you are happy to treat them as part of the family.

(That being said, my mum who isn't really a dog person got one as me and my sister were obsessed . We loved that dog and I'll always be grateful that she said yes.)

@Waspie

YANBU. If your son wants a dog he can get one when he's older and has a home of his own.

This. It would be irresponsible to get a dog if you are not prepared to be 100% responsible for its wellbeing for the next 18 years.

I think borrowmydoggy might make him even more obsessed with having his own.

I was you. We've now had a dog for 3ish years, and I 100% regret it. If he wants it badly enough, he can wait until he moves out and has his own space.

Yanbu

My kids would like a dog but they'll have to wait until after uni when they have their own home.

As they've grown older the amount of interaction they would have done would vary massively. Until about age 12 they'd be fine with walking it but as teenagers they wouldn't be bothered with going out in the cold and rain.

You just have to say no. You would end up doing all the work like hoovering and picking up poo then the walking etc when your ds2 got older and wanted to go out with friends or game rather than walk the dog.

We had out dog out to sleep last year, she was 12 years old and had grew up with the kids (youngest was 18 months when we got her), I do miss having a dog around but I like the fact we can go out all day and not rush back, that we can go on holiday without sorting out a dog sitter, my house no longer smells of dog and I can wear black clothes without them getting hairy. We have quite a few pets, other than the cat they are all no fury and very easy to look after. I don’t think I will get another dog until I’m old (retired).

YANBU - DS just hadn’t got a dog for his birthday for the 12th year running for the very reasons you state. Have you seen my doggie

I was/am a huge animal lover and as a kid I was desperate for a dog. I had to make do with my toys/my imagination for years and when I was a little older I walked my neighbours dog which helped them out but also taught me the responsibility of having an animal rely on you. As an adult I do pet sitting and could quite easily have a dog of my own; but I know the commitment, time and money that pets entail. Stick to your guns OP, he can make his own dream come true when he's older.

From what you've said, you'd make a terrible dog owner and the dog would be dependent on you. Don't do it.

Don't do it. I love dogs but don't want one myself. I've told the kids they can have one when they have their own homes. There are dogs in the family and the kids don't walk those so I knew they'd not walk one we got.
If we want some doggo time we borrow the family dogs.
Unless you don't mind doing all the work yourself then don't do it - because you will be the one doing the work.

I have a Lhasa Apso. He is absolutely adorable (I think I love him too much).
He doesn't moult, he likes a walk but not too far and definitely not when it's raining. He's clean, our house doesn't smell. He is very well behaved and goes to the pub, hotels, mini breaks etc. If we go away, he has lots of options for dog sitters!

He is absolutely a tie though. He absolutely completes our family but if you're not willing to have that tie, then don't do it.

YANBU at all.

Dogs live a long time. They make lots of mess. They are not always easy to train and can have unexpected quirks. A family member got a dog about two years ago. Very responsible, three walks per day, training classes, never left for more than three hours etc. But the dog cannot bear being in the car. So their vision of long muddy countryside walks just hasn't happened.

They make a mess everywhere, can destroy your stuff, sometimes to the value of hundreds of pounds and they limit your life and freedom.

But you love them anyway then they die and it's like losing a family member. I will never ever get one again.

Your DH is a massive arse for his fence sitting

He’s making you the bad guy

You say yes: you’ll end up being the dog slave (kids don’t look after dogs, they just don’t)

If you say no, you’re the evil one

Whereas, him, by sitting on the fence, gets this:

A. You get a dog, you do the work, it’s no bother to him

B You don’t get the dog, DS upset, but it is not his fault

You can join him on the fence, how about that?!

It’s shitty behaviour on his part

YANBU

@Roomba I often tell my children that when they get their own homes I will be straight round to bounce on furniture, leave all the lights on, run their hot water out, put dirty pots everywhere and leave bits of rubbish on the floor! That did make me laugh, shall we do a co-ordinated bounce? Although with my DD I think the worry hanging over her is probably more effective

It isn't just the tasks connected with day to day care.

Having a dog is a whole-lifestyle commitment.

Unless you pay for (extremely expensive) kennels you can only go on dog-friendly holidays. Most holiday cottages will not accept dogs. Even most campsites do not allow dogs.

What if your dog cannot be left in the car while you visit a museum on a day out, or a NT property? Any time you go out for an extended period (a day in town shopping, for example) 'getting back home for the dog' will be hanging over you.

How can you go and stay with family and friends unless they are 100% relaxed about having your dog kin their house? None of my family are able to accommodate dogs.

They are expensive. The insurance. The food.

Wonderful for people who embrace the dog owning lifestyle, but you do not seem to want to live your life that way.

So just say no.

Good luck with BorrowMyDoggy though.

I would only get one if you are prepared to take 100% responsibility of the dog when your son loses interest. They are expensive and you always have to plan out your week so they’re not left for long, so no spontaneous days away. Having said that and if you’re prepared for the above, they do bring a lot of happiness and a lovely feel to your home. We have no regrets but he is my responsibility and my teenage children just get the good bits.

My son had two dogs, two lizards, a snake, a ferret and an axolotyl and guess who looked after them ? I did and I didn't mind at all because I love animals, apart from the ferret because the little bleeder bit me but if you don't want a dog then don't get one because it's not fair on you or the dog and you will end up looking after it.

Another vote for just no. But I do love the idea of him having to take himself for a lengthy walk twice a day - genius especially with winter coming. Plus the having to pick up poo when walking with borrowmydoggy or someone you know with a dog

Mine desperately wanted a dog, but the big difference was that I did too. They made all the promises but I only went into it accepting that I would basically have to do everything and they would just 'help' which to be fair to them they do. But to dog is untimately mine and DH's responsibility. We knew that though and were happy to accept the challenge!

What about a tiny little dog? A rescue that isn't keen on walks? (My friend has this exact dog and she doesn't molt or chew either! Or smell! Either that or join borrowmydoggy.com

A friend of mine has a son who made all the same promises. I know the son well and he's one of the most conscientious and reliable teenagers I know.
Somehow they got a dog that is not at all toilet trained and appears not to be learning how to toilet train.
The reliable son lasted 5 hours before it became mum's responsibility.