To refuse DS his 'greatest wish'

[Toomuchstuffwillkillme]

DS2 has always been a bit dog obsessed and has recently mounted a concerted campaign to persuade me we should get one.

He will love it to bits, walk it lots, play with it, it will be his best friend, his life will be enriched.

I'm just not convinced. I don't mind other people's dogs, but I'm just not a dog lover. (Surely that's a fairly basic requirement for dog ownership?) I really, really don't want to share my home with one. DH is sitting firmly on the fence on this one, so it's me who is being made to feel like the evil mean parent. DS promises he would feed, walk and love said dog, which is probably true. I have no doubt whatsoever who would end up doing the extra hoovering, floor washing, dog-food-buying, poop scooping etc.
We have several other non-furry lower maintenance pets who are loved, but would all be dead by now if I didn't look after them.
Apparently this would be different if we had a dog, I'd get loads of help looking after it, it would be hardly any work (Yeah right, while you're at school all day & I'm trying to work part time from home.)
And yes our existing pets are non-furry because I have pet hair allergies, though to be fair not usually to dogs.

I loathe going to houses which have dogs and getting covered in dog hair. Even if said houses have people who vacuum daily, they ALWAYS smell of dog. I suppose if it was our dog I'd get used to it.
Picking up dog poo is repellent.
Also, I am the polar opposite of Mrs Hinch. I dislike cleaning at the best of times, keeping the place vaguely straight and cleaning up after the kids is bad enough, the thought of adding a dog frankly terrifies me.
Oh and I like my garden. A lot. I don't want it dug up or pooed on or peed on.

As a family we enjoy travelling and visiting people, in the UK and abroad (2020 has not been a great year ). Closest family are over 3 hrs drive away. There is no-one here who would look after a dog for us. Most of the family would not appreciate us bringing a dog when we visit. We will end up either restricted to local dog-friendly holidays or spending a fortune on kennels.

Please help me out here, people who don't have a dog, or even people who do. What can I possibly say to DS to get him to see things from a different perspective. He's convinced that having a dog will make his life better and therefore mine too. I think it will be expensive, stressful, massively restrict my freedom and create a load of mum-work for minimal gain.

YABU - parenting is all about making sacrifices to keep your kids happy, if you can afford it you should suck it up and let DS have what he wants

YANBU - this is a huge lifestyle/financial commitment and if you're not 100% on board you'll end up regretting or resenting it - kids can't always have what they want

@Emmelina

YANBU. Thank you for being realistic and realising all the care would fall to you, and that care isn’t something you’ll enjoy doing! So many take on a dog/cat/reptile without a second thought then when they realise how much needs doing they either give up or keep the pet but don’t adequately care for it, which isn’t fair at all.

Absolutely. Go onto any rescue page on Farcebook, and people are trying to get shot of animals that bought on whim, either for themselves or the kids, and never put the effort in. So the usual scenario is 'adolescent' dog, about 1 yr>18 months, un neutered, unsocialised, {first 16 weeks of pup's life} the dog

''Is bad with other dogs./screams the house down when left/still craps indoors/ and is fearful of unusual things''

It is far kinder to say NO than to take a dog on, not care for it's needs {really like another child} and then try to palm it off onto an overburdened rescue centre.

OP, I think you are right, Don't get one.

Sign up to BorryMyDoggy, he can then get to meet dogs and take for walks without them being a full time chore for you

Absolutely not. My XH and DC always wanted a dog and l knew who would end up doing it all.

When we split up the DC badgered for a dog.... XH got a dog...that goes to a pet sitter during the week as they work FT and at least one weekend a month so they can go away....

Oh... and now the dog is past the cuteness stage the DC ignore it!!

Stay strong and say NO!

Taking responsibility for a dog (as a child) is both possible and can be a great experience. I walked, trained, fed ours from about 11 years old and loved it. It set me up for a lifetime of joy, found through dogs. BUT everyone in the house wanted a dog - that was a key difference. Not least because the one thing I couldn't do at that age was pay for the dog.

Dogs are hard work and cost a fair bit. They also living beings that deserve to be wanted by everyone they live with and will alter the lives of everyone in the family. It's all in, or all out.

No. It will be you either doing all the work or doing the nagging for your DS to do it. Seen it happen a few times.

DD1 sounds like your DS. Since she was a toddler she has always loved dogs and has pretty much begged for one since she could talk. She is 9 now and we finally got a dog a year ago. She got bored with him very quickly! She still loves him and will have bursts of playing with him but all of his care falls to me and DH. She doesn't want to walk him and often moans when he goes in her room.

We got DDog in the full knowledge this could happen though and we both wanted a dog and knew the responsibility was ours. So I definitely wouldn't get a dog unless you are fully prepared to care for it. He is also quite costly which is something else to consider. Once DD1 is old enough to walk him alone she will definitely be getting sent out to do some walks!

I sound similar. Told my dd they can have a dog when they are adults. I have enough on my plate. A bit mean as I grew up with dogs, but we live in a city and are busy.

Have you got a local dogs home/RSPCA centre near you?

They usually take volunteered? He can get his dog fix there?

You're the grown up, it's fine to say no

You KNOW what will happen. Will all the best will in the world and pleading promises from dc - you will be the one that ends up looking after it. Dh being non committal gives him the cop out option of not having to do anything too.

This is one of those decisions where everyone needs to be on board or it doesn’t happen.

@Elephantday82

I can guarantee you’ll end up doing 99% of it all. My husband and kids all wanted a 2nd dog, I didn’t. They won, I do everything and when she’s barking or runs out the front door it’s because I haven’t trained her 🙄

So what do you tell them to that??

Definitely not if he doesn't bother to look after the existing pets.

Tell him this on repeat.

I always say in this situation, unless the mum really wants the dog ( that’s clearly not you ) then don’t even entertain the idea .
Honestly, in 99% of cases , despite assurances to the contrary ) mum very quickly becomes the person with all of the responsibilities for the dog .
Your case would be classic ...
part time , at home , available...
kids are out at school and as you say don’t do the small pets even ! , and presumably your DH works full time .

To be fair your DH should probably be on the fence on this one ... you are in the frame for this project do only you should get to say yes or no .

I’m in your position... I’ve told DD on no account am I getting a dog ..
lazy teenager who can’t get out of bed ...
she’d do virtually nothing after the first week

Stand firm and say no

I was that child, desperate for a dog, and we got one and she was the absolute light of my life. BUT despite walking her and ‘taking care of her’ I wasn’t the one with the absolute responsibility for her, and as a family we had a hugely dog-friendly lifestyle with willing sitters on hand at all times. Now I am an adult in a family with a dog of my own, it’s a different thing - our dog is still a huge joy in my life but she is also a massive, daily, ongoing caring responsibility and I say that as the one who really wanted a dog. The adult who will be most responsible for an animal’s care needs day-to-day needs to make the decision and as that’s you and you don’t want a dog, just be decisive and absolute about it.

If you feel so strongly don't get a dog. However Pet Fostering might be a good compromise as you only have them for a short time.

it doesnt matter that he wants one we all want things we cant have-hes proved he cant be responsible with the other pets

a dog wont be any different no matter what he says

No way should you have a dog you’ll end up walking it, let him wait until he’s got his own place, your home will be ruined you’ll feel on edge all the time, the dog smell also makes me heave we had a friend her car smelt awful, I sat there feeling so sick it was horrific. It’s your home, find neighbours dogs to walk rain or shine he’ll realise then they are a commitment.

YANBU at all. Your DS sounds exactly like me when I was younger. I was desperate for a dog but my parents always said no for many of the reasons you have listed. Fast forward 20+ years and once I was settled in my own home I thought I was finally in a position to get one but after lots of research realised that I still wouldn’t be able to offer the time and commitment required due to work etc. I compromised and got a cat - who I love- and who suits my lifestyle perfectly (although I understand they aren’t for everyone).
I don’t hold it against my parents at all appreciate their very valid reasons for saying no ( although I do still ask for a puppy for Christmas every year 😂) .
I will get my own dog one day but at the moment it looks like it won’t be until I have retired!!!!

YANBU, it's a big commitment for the whole family.

My niece sounds just like him, as a child all she wanted in life was a dog. She's in her 20s now and decided the time was right in the last year, even with all the prep and being sure she was ready she still admits it can be a lot harder work than she expected. She absolutely adores the dog, no doubt, but admits it has pretty much changed her entire life with regards to going out, doing things spontaneously etc.

Would you consider a cat?

My DC campaigned for a dog, but I really am not keen on dogs at all - we got cats and they adore them. They’re much easier and more independent with big rewards of cuddles, affection etc although you do need someone to feed them when you’re away...

Puppy’s are bitey monsters. We have a 3 month old puppy and dh and I made the decision based on what we wanted, knowing dc desperately wanted one but still it was down to wherever dh and I did. Dc do play with him but he needs lots of attention and they can’t just sit and watch tv as he is bouncing. I love our pup but he’s hard work and we’ve had to adapt our lives (we were happy to do this).

Lalalatte - apparently you can keep them as a pet and they are very friendly and can be walked on a leash
still not happening

Totally your choice while he lives with you tbh. In his own place, fair enough.

DSD is going on about a dog, and has been for the past year. But she went on for a hamster at her mams a few years back and the poor thing was so neglected..apparently it 'stunk' when she was cleaning the cage and stuff. Never!

Shes really stropping abut this one though. Keeps going on about how mean we are, how the younger kids would love it, how she would absolutely walk it multiple times per day, despite it being a fight to even get her out of bed to go to the shop without attitude! She will do everything, even pay for the food from her pocket money (money she has not got for 2 months now as..again..she refuses to do anything besides lie in bed looking at her phone, so shes not getting money without doing her chores tbh), give it endless attention..and so on. It would last a week, I am sure.

Stick to your guns, its a huge commitment and if it all goes to shit you may end up resenting the dog somewhat, even though its clearly not the animals fault.

Only half of those reasons you give out you firmly in the category of not wanting a dog. If your DH is on the fence then he’s clearly not fussed either.

I sometimes think about it but then remember the hair, the smell, the cost.....it’s not for everyone.

And children can’t always have their own way. It’s simple - your DS will have a chance to be a dog owner when he’s a grown up in his own property. Dogs aren’t hamsters who’ll live for a couple of years and keep themselves occupied. This has to be a firm no.

Please don't get a dog unless you really want one and are prepared to commit to one for life. They're bloody hard work at times even when you'd stick by them to the bitter end, and are 100% all in, but they're thinking, feeling beings who will be shattered and traumatised by being deserted if their original family decide they're too much bother, and may not be lucky enough to find another home.

Children's wishes are just wishes. He will do just fine without a dog.