To refuse DS his 'greatest wish'

[Toomuchstuffwillkillme]

DS2 has always been a bit dog obsessed and has recently mounted a concerted campaign to persuade me we should get one.

He will love it to bits, walk it lots, play with it, it will be his best friend, his life will be enriched.

I'm just not convinced. I don't mind other people's dogs, but I'm just not a dog lover. (Surely that's a fairly basic requirement for dog ownership?) I really, really don't want to share my home with one. DH is sitting firmly on the fence on this one, so it's me who is being made to feel like the evil mean parent. DS promises he would feed, walk and love said dog, which is probably true. I have no doubt whatsoever who would end up doing the extra hoovering, floor washing, dog-food-buying, poop scooping etc.
We have several other non-furry lower maintenance pets who are loved, but would all be dead by now if I didn't look after them.
Apparently this would be different if we had a dog, I'd get loads of help looking after it, it would be hardly any work (Yeah right, while you're at school all day & I'm trying to work part time from home.)
And yes our existing pets are non-furry because I have pet hair allergies, though to be fair not usually to dogs.

I loathe going to houses which have dogs and getting covered in dog hair. Even if said houses have people who vacuum daily, they ALWAYS smell of dog. I suppose if it was our dog I'd get used to it.
Picking up dog poo is repellent.
Also, I am the polar opposite of Mrs Hinch. I dislike cleaning at the best of times, keeping the place vaguely straight and cleaning up after the kids is bad enough, the thought of adding a dog frankly terrifies me.
Oh and I like my garden. A lot. I don't want it dug up or pooed on or peed on.

As a family we enjoy travelling and visiting people, in the UK and abroad (2020 has not been a great year ). Closest family are over 3 hrs drive away. There is no-one here who would look after a dog for us. Most of the family would not appreciate us bringing a dog when we visit. We will end up either restricted to local dog-friendly holidays or spending a fortune on kennels.

Please help me out here, people who don't have a dog, or even people who do. What can I possibly say to DS to get him to see things from a different perspective. He's convinced that having a dog will make his life better and therefore mine too. I think it will be expensive, stressful, massively restrict my freedom and create a load of mum-work for minimal gain.

YABU - parenting is all about making sacrifices to keep your kids happy, if you can afford it you should suck it up and let DS have what he wants

YANBU - this is a huge lifestyle/financial commitment and if you're not 100% on board you'll end up regretting or resenting it - kids can't always have what they want

Don’t do it OP. I can’t thing of anything worse. They’re hideous creatures to start with and that’s without the looking after bit. Just tell DS no way kiddo.

My mum made a compromise with me and we started volunteering to be dog borders for guide dogs. We got the fully trained, immaculate, clever, non-destructive golden retrievers or shepherds or golden doodle, usually when their owner had to go into hospital or abroad. We also got some under 1 year old cheeky guide-dog's in training puppies when their borders went on holiday. Never cost us much, as guide dogs pay for food and vets, and we started to get regulars coming back. It was a nice compromise as if we ever went on holiday we just told them we weren't available, and we always got notice. Guide dogs are also always looking for free runners, volunteers who take working dogs out for a free run off the lead (you don't run! haha) and it gives them the chance to really let loose for an hour a week.

I need to show my DCs this thread as according to them, we are the only family who doesn't have a dog and literally everyone else in their respective school classes have them.

Apparently.

He didn't live up to the mythical dog she had built up in her head

I blame Disney (and other films that imply dogs are just happy little elves in fur coats).

Dogs are not just like people; they don't think of ways to rescue you when you have been kidnapped by foreign spies (though you will be amazed at how many ways they think of to get your slippers/ sandwiches/ best coat to sleep on etc); they don't talk to you in their little growly voices (well - they do, but not the way Scooby-Doo would have you believe), and they won't win your dad round to your way of thinking if he is dead set that you aren't going to enter the "Miss Sweetie Schoolgirl and Her Pet" competition.

They are expensive, dirty, often smelly and exasperating. They take up all your time - you can't just go out for the day on a whim, because you have to make arrangements. You are restricted as to where you go on holiday - unless you can afford a kennel (they are expensive). Dogs really are a waste of time, space effort and money.

Every time I look at our four, I wonder why we bother - and then I remember it's because they also bring us so much joy and we love them to bits!

DDog has become my third child!

Speaking from experience, I can tell you that he will be the only one of your children who will never disappoint you .

What is the average lifespan of a dog? 10 years?
If you have a tween son (so let's say that is '10"), how will the dog cope when he leaves home/goes to Uni?
I say this because one of my friends posted photos of her elderly retriever looking mightily miffed when she spotted the daughter putting school uniform back on (her lockdown pack was deserting her!).

Some rescue centres have volunteer dog walkers, but I am sure there must be scope to help somebody trying to shield/keep low profile this winter.

Another option would be to get an older rescue dog. People's circumstances/housing/budgets are changing so I expect that charities are trying to rehome older dogs.

We compromised with my desire for dog 35 years ago and got siamese cats. The current Madcats (juvenile delinquents that can't be trusted with a holiday cat sitter yet) are curtailing our travel plans. We live in a touristy town so it was easy enough to get friends and family to house sit previous felines.

Do you think it is cruel to take away a little baby animal and turn it into a sort of mini human on a lead for our entertainment? I'm not sure. Also people selling dogs with built in breathing problems ( eg Frenchie) at £2,500 a pop aren't doing it to be kind to animals are they?

My nephew wanted a dog all through his childhood. In spite of this wish being denied - his mother’s a clean freak, his dad’s probably allergic to dog hairs as he is to cats - he’s made it to 30 and still has a really good relationship with his parents. In the last year he’s got his first house (moved out of a flat) and a few weeks ago his first dog joined him and his fiancée. Everyone’s really happy for him - I’ve seen photos and the new family member is really cute. As children my nephew and his brother did have pets - they were all things that stayed in cages or tanks, fish, guinea pigs, various reptiles. It was a good compromise.

All kids say how they'll do the lions share of the pet care and walks, until the novelty wears off and it's left to parents.

I wouldn't get one if I were you, they are alot of work as you already know.

It'll be a firm no from me if mine ever ask.

Your DH is being an arse fort making you the bad guy.

YANBU. A dog demands an incredible level of commitment for many years. Unless everyone is really enthusiastic about the idea it's a bad plan.

My dc2 wants a dog, has done for years and equally begs and insists i won't have to do the work...

I want a dog, I grew up with a dog and I know it was good for me and db.

However, I am still undecided because its a lot of work, commitment and practical issues need to be thought through (although dh has just been told he's going to be WFH all but 2-3 days a month and I only work mornings, so the pricing round doggy day care for the mornings no longer needs to be a factor).

A child can't get a dog, so only get a dog if you want a dog. Also factor in how long they live. If I get a dog in the New Year, I'd presume it would still be going strong for 7-8 years after my dcs are all adults.

Tell DH and DS that as you couldn't commit to looking after the dog during the day when you're at work or working from home, the dog would need to go to doggy day care in order for it not to get bored and start trashing things. We pay £15 a day for 8am-2pm and a taxi home for the dog. That's £75 a week. £337.5 a month. Either that, or we leave it at home alone, which is beyond cruel.

Strike a deal. If DS2 takes full responsibility for the cleaning, feeding and care of all non-furry pets for a year, without you ever having to remind him, then he can have a dog. If you have to remind him, the calendar rests to day 1 of the year's trial. he can have the dog he will 100% care for when he has proved that over a long period of time, he can care for another living creature.

You won't be getting a dog.

resets not rests.

YANBU Dogs are such a massive commitment and I personally feel a child is not capable of the work involved in training, maintenance and the general upkeep of one.
We got a border collie almost 2 years ago as a 14 week old rescue and he's taken over a huge chunk of my life. Dont get me wrong, I adore him but I was not prepared for the toll it took on me physically, emotionally and financially.
He came with a host of problems and im still dealing with those. I dread to think what I've spent on vet visits, trainers and behaviourists. Nevermind the cost of replacing stuff he chewed, carpets he peed on etc.
You can't guarantee you're going to get a placid, compliant puppy thats going to be a dream to train and who never behaves badly.

I know several families who gave into the kids (and, often, husbands) and got a dog the wife/mother didn't want and in each case, she was doing all the feeding, walking and scooping within three weeks, as well as all the extra cleaning. The 'devoted, dog-loving' kids decided it was a lot of work actually, and the 'helpful' husband decided that walks weren't really all that necessary, surely the dog could just go out in the back yard? Glad you won't be doing it, OP.

Ask him to demonstrate via research and evidence how he will;

Pay for training, and any behaviourist consults he may need. Puppy classes around £75 for 6 week course, several courses may be needed. Behaviourist visits £150+ again depending on how many visits..

Pay for kennelling/daycare etc. £10 to £25 a day.

Insurance? £50 a month ish.

Food? £50 - 100 a month.

Vet bills not covered by insurance (teeth, vaccines, neutering, anything under the excess). Possibly 500 a year. Specialist referrals tend to want paying up front at least for a consult so that can be another £200 to 2000K depending on the referral centre and the problem.

What his plan is for when he goes to college/uni/work?

Who is going to do all the extra housework, all the walks, feeding, taking to the vet, training?

He will find that all of these costs are not just high, but often quite unpredictable, finding suitable daycares and kennels is not easy, they need booking in advance as well, and taking a dog to Uni is nigh on impossible as the dog can't go in halls and very few landlords letting to students would allow a pet and even if they DID, most of his mates won't want to live with a pet anyway..

If he is determined to care for a dog then volunteering at a rescue, taking care of your existing pets, and doing all of the above research will not be a problem for him.

If however he thinks its all cuddles and hasn't thought beyond the next year or so, he is unlikely to do all that research or put in any effort with existing pets/rescue volunteering.

@Waspie

YANBU. If your son wants a dog he can get one when he's older and has a home of his own.

This

What is the average lifespan of a dog? 10 years?

Depends on the breed - your average family dog, medium-sized and reasonably well (healthily) bred will live at least 12 years - probably 15.

I had a westie of almost 20, and two who reached 18.

Smaller breeds tend to live longer.

@Waspie

YANBU. If your son wants a dog he can get one when he's older and has a home of his own.

Just this.

As a previous dog owner and dog lover. I miss ours hugely but am also loving the freedom from not having one. We may get another when DH and I retire...so about 20 years....

Dogs are a hell of a lot of work but totally worth it

I desperately wanted a dog as a kid, absolutely loved them and I would have definitely taken on all of the walking, feeding, poo picking. I had other animals and was completely responsible for their care.
Anyway my parents just said no and didn't budge. I didn't hassle them, I just had to accept it.

As an adult, I now have five of my own!

You simply need to be firm and say I'm sorry you're disappointed but it's a no and you can have as many as you like when you're grown up.

DD had a ‘dog campaign’ going strong for about a year. I wavered a few times, but ultimately stood firm on the NO front. Glad I did, because she is now at secondary school and seems much less committed to the idea (surprise, surprise!).

I like dogs. They’re great. But they’re a big commitment. Years and years of expense, walking, attention, picking up shit, having to find someone to look after them if you’re away etc. I just couldn’t face it.

I’d never buy a pet for my children, unless I also wanted to look after it.
Our last pet rabbit has just died and we’re all very sad about it, and DC3 has asked for a pet for their 4th birthday, they’re m getting a VERY low maintenance fish at best, as I honestly can’t be arsed with any more mess/expense/commitments.

As a family, we all wanted a dog, we discussed for months, did Borrowmydoggy, went to dog cafes etc. Kids promised to walk it, look after it, feed it, love it...

We got DDog, he is well loved and part of the family. Except...I walk him twice a day, I feed him, I play with him, I let him out, I pick up his poo in the garden etc. I love having him as he's opened up my social world. Kids love him, but do very little with him. DH will walk him if I ask, but he doesn't take the initiative to take him out. I have insisted on a weekly family walk and that's good, but all the promises we had during discussion have failed

DDog has become my third child!

This is precisely what I know will happen too.

It's too much of a gamble what personality if dog I would get to risk the levels of input it might require - I would dearly love a dog again, but I just can't summon up the energy for yet another creature dependant on me. The kids all need me.for so much already - love and food and guidance and car rides and looking after and putting to bed and helping with homework etc. Dh needs me for love input and life partnership and he requires sex. A dog never gains independence. I think until I'm retired, I just can't face dog ownership again.