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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this woman was very selfish

392 replies

littlemsattitude · 19/09/2020 17:28

This morning at the petrol station she was in the shop with her husband, they walked round several of the aisles without buying anything and then she went with him to pay for the petrol, he was wearing a mask and she didn't. He paid for the petrol and they didn't buy anything else.

She should have waited in the car, there was no reason for them both to be in the shop Angry

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 20/09/2020 08:31

Ah, I’m sorry about the bereavement.

People were just reacting to your initial post then the arguing. I’m sure if you step back and think about it, you can see that starting a thread about a woman walking round a petrol station without a mask and how she’s selfish and putting your health at risk is excessive, but it would seem it’s due to your anxiety causing you to behave in a way others find unacceptable.

Good luck with the anxiety, I hope you recover soon, and in the mean time try to remember that when you see others behaving in ways like this, that they too may have a reason for it, and it’s not due to their selfishness, or anything bad about them, just as you starting this thread was not about your pettiness.

MsTSwift · 20/09/2020 08:32

Maybe the lady had anxiety and a bereavement too?

Bluntness100 · 20/09/2020 08:39

I do think though that op if you’d started this thread with the caveat that you have mental illness, clinically diagnosed anxiety and are in treatment for it, then the thread would have went a very different way.

Flittingaboutagain · 20/09/2020 08:45

Having a bereavement isn't seriously a reason to get out of the car to browse the petrol station aisles with her masked partner. Come off it.

HugeAckmansWife · 20/09/2020 08:48

OP you would have done much better if you'd asked a generic hypothetical question about people who simply choose not to wear a mask and go in shops. There will always be some. By making it about a specific case, you can't get beyond the reasons why she was doing what she was doing and you open yourself to accusations of busybody etc. Yes the name calling you've had is OTT but many people are far more anxious about this kind of judgement and possible snitching etc than they are about a v v low risk issue of an unmasked person walking around with their mouth closed.

lazylinguist · 20/09/2020 08:48

OP - some people are exempt from wearing masks. They are still allowed to go in whatever shops they like. You don't get to choose where they should go, what they should buy or whether they should stay in the car.

I'm sorry about your bereavement and your anxiety, but neither of those things entitle you to make judgements like this about someone whose situation you are unaware of. You do not know that this woman was breaking any rule at all.

Mittens030869 · 20/09/2020 09:18

Of course the OP isn’t a Nazi FGS. Non mask wearers are not being threatened with concentration camps or gas chambers, are they? At worst, they would be asked to leave the shop they’re in or possibly fined (but that’s very unlikely).

Anyway, she didn’t take down the number plate and report the woman to the police, did she? She just asked anonymously on Mumsnet whether she was unreasonable to think the said woman was selfish? Probably a lot of people would feel the same but wouldn’t ask it on the AIBU board because of the pile on that it would lead to. The name calling in this thread has been shameful (ironically from posters accusing the OP of being nasty).

I do think there are too many people not wearing masks in this country, compared to other countries. My DH has asthma and is able to wear a mask, so asthma in itself isn’t an exemption. It worries me because COVID is on the increase again. Whether that particular woman is exempt, obviously we don’t know.

PablosHoney · 20/09/2020 09:24

No no no, this post is a classic example of one of the reasons life is so shit at the moment.

Tomatoesneedtoripen · 20/09/2020 09:37

i absolutely hate those garage shops, they should restrict numbers

SoloMummy · 20/09/2020 09:38

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Is this what we are reduced to now? Complaining about a couple being in a shop together?

I am pretty ill at the minute, I'm on medication that has fucked my tastebuds (and everything else) I quite often go shopping with my dp because, at the moment I struggle lifting and pushing the trolley, but I need to eat and I really don't know what I fancy/can swallow, so i go for a look.

Is that ok with you? Hmm

Very different to being in a small petrol station kiosk type of venue to a. supermarket or even small local convenience shop.

I have to say that I find the number of people who won't wear masks shocking. There seems to be people making every excuse possible to attempt to justify. When in reality there are very few people with such extreme additional needs that this would be justifiable imo. Yet hear constantly the mantra, my anxiety, wellbeing as though justifies the do as you f ING well please.

Boobissue · 20/09/2020 09:41

@littlemsattitude use pay at pump petrol stations, you'll avoid the issue then.

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 20/09/2020 10:01

Yes she had a 'right' to go into the shop without a mask if there's a legally exempt reason she can't wear one.

But she didn't 'need' to go into the petrol shop; her partner was with her and he could pay for fuel.

At some point, we have to stop getting hung up on people's 'rights' and remember our 'responsibilities' during a pandemic that appears to be growing again because of attitudes like this.

If you can't wear a mask and you can avoid small enclosed places, you should. For everyone's sake.

Essential shopping? Of course you can.

Browsing because you're bored or lonely? No. Take it outside somewhere and find something else to do.

I'm so tired of everyone's rights trumping responsibilities while numbers are rising during a pandemic and people are unable to get tested, yet can't send their children back to school, use childcare options, work... FFS. We're trying to get through a pandemic until a vaccine is available.

Original poster
littlemsattitude · 20/09/2020 10:07

[quote Boobissue]@littlemsattitude use pay at pump petrol stations, you'll avoid the issue then.[/quote]
Unless they also had a milk pump that wouldn't have helped.

OP posts:
SquirtleSquad · 20/09/2020 10:18

But you could have gone to a larger supermarket where you could have spread out more for the milk.. you know like you suggested the other woman did.

mintyfreshh · 20/09/2020 10:45

Do you understand that people that are exempt from wearing masks are still allowed to enter shops? You know that's the case, right?

And you know it's wrong to call a person selfish when you know nothing about them?

If you would admit that you were harshly judgemental people would leave you alone OP.

yawnsvillex · 20/09/2020 10:49

@littlemsattitude if you're so worried about not being protected. Stay in and don't go out. Let the rest of us carry on!

Boobissue · 20/09/2020 10:57

Unless they also had a milk pump that wouldn't have helped.

Do online shipping? Honestly if you're that concerned and ready to pass judgement then get yourself organised and stay indoors?

Alwaysinpain · 20/09/2020 11:14

@Shaniac

Fuck me when did mumsnet move to north korea?
THIS!!!!!!!!!!
Pobblebonk · 20/09/2020 11:15

Yes she had a 'right' to go into the shop without a mask if there's a legally exempt reason she can't wear one.

But she didn't 'need' to go into the petrol shop; her partner was with her and he could pay for fuel.

None of us knows that. There may have been something she needed but she discovered on looking around that they didn't stock it.

Pobblebonk · 20/09/2020 11:18

Vilifying someone for highlighting something that made them anxious makes you as bad as you think the OP is.

No, it doesn't. Having anxiety doesn't force anyone to come onto a public forum to slag off a stranger for perfectly lawful behaviour. Using anxiety as some sort of automatic trump card does no favours to people with clinical anxiety.

Napqueen1234 · 20/09/2020 11:19

I hope this a joke op. Jesus Christ

Chestergirl39 · 20/09/2020 11:27

@ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore

Yes she had a 'right' to go into the shop without a mask if there's a legally exempt reason she can't wear one.

But she didn't 'need' to go into the petrol shop; her partner was with her and he could pay for fuel.

At some point, we have to stop getting hung up on people's 'rights' and remember our 'responsibilities' during a pandemic that appears to be growing again because of attitudes like this.

If you can't wear a mask and you can avoid small enclosed places, you should. For everyone's sake.

Essential shopping? Of course you can.

Browsing because you're bored or lonely? No. Take it outside somewhere and find something else to do.

I'm so tired of everyone's rights trumping responsibilities while numbers are rising during a pandemic and people are unable to get tested, yet can't send their children back to school, use childcare options, work... FFS. We're trying to get through a pandemic until a vaccine is available.

Completely agree with everything you have written.

Am surprised at the really strong reactions from people on here.

Respect for others and personal responsibility is sadly lacking.

Roomba · 20/09/2020 11:32

I witnessed multiple people not wearing masks whilst waiting in a mile long queue to be covid tested yesterday. No distancing either, people were almost standing on top of each other.

That I rolled my eyes at. Two people entering a shop together is the least of my worries really.

WhatifIfeellikeacat · 20/09/2020 11:41

But she didn't 'need' to go into the petrol shop; her partner was with her and he could pay for fuel.

None of us knows that. There may have been something she needed but she discovered on looking around that they didn't stock it.

Exactly. Her DH could have also bought lots of sausage rolls instead of something she had asked.

Tomatoesneedtoripen · 20/09/2020 11:54

i struggle to buy the correct sanitary products in my area for a start

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