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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband failed drug test-swears its wrong

169 replies

Whatwouldyoudo8988 · 19/09/2020 10:53

My husband has had a drug problem for a few years. About 3 years ago he did it in the house whilst the children were asleep and I was in the shower, he had overdosed, paramedic came out and the called SS as obviously there were children.
I threw him out
He went to doctors and got some medicine sorted for his depression and anxiety, and got completely off the drugs.
I had him back but the trust was broken so I order some drug test online which I did everyweek to know that he was staying away from them.
Hes been fine and relationship has gotten much better i haven't drug tested him this year.
Yesterday he seemed off so I asked if didnt mind doing a drug test he did it and it came back positive for drugs. He was shocked saying he hadn't touched anything, i check the date expiry on them and they are in date, i did one and it came out negative.
Hes lying isn't he?
What shall I do? He swears its wrong
How can I know the truth, I can't have that shit around my kids.
Do these tests ever come out wrong?
Please advise me

OP posts:
MadameBlobby · 19/09/2020 16:31

Of course he’s lying.

Even if he isn’t you don’t trust him anyway, you didn’t even before this hence the tests in the first place.

I’d kick him out. I have zero tolerance of drugs.

Kartdoh · 19/09/2020 17:09

@MadameBlobby ditto. It's the ultimate betrayal especially if he was lying about it to his family.

Original poster
Whatwouldyoudo8988 · 19/09/2020 17:42

Fuck me, I took a anti histamine and 2 ibuprofen earlier and my test is positive?! There is faint faint line barely can see it so if i would take more regularly then its possible it won't show up?!

OP posts:
CanofCant · 19/09/2020 17:46

If he's done his homework then won't he have taken them deliberately to cover his tracks should this happen? Like PP mentioned, using antihistamines can be a good way to blame hayfever etc for sniffles.

It must be a horrible way for you to live, I'm surprised the social worker thought regular testing was a good idea. You want to give him the benefit of the doubt, I hope he doesn't let you down again.

WilsonMilson · 19/09/2020 18:07

If you’ve got to drug test your partner, you’re really in a shit situation.

For your own sake, and not least for your kids, get rid of this man. Nothing good can come from a relationship like this.

Quietlyloud · 19/09/2020 18:16

So it could be false then.

Quietlyloud · 19/09/2020 18:16

But because you don’t trust him will you now believe he is still off them? How often will this scenario happen in the future? Do you want to be with him or would doing this often drive you mad?

Original poster
Whatwouldyoudo8988 · 19/09/2020 18:26

I definitely need to look at my relationship, but its not as urgent as it was last night and thus morning, we were supposed to be going for therapy and then lockdown happened, i haven't drug tested him this year, i was working on the trust building because I couldn't live like that but I had a feeling last night and just did it and I'm more confused than ever.
For our relationship lockdown where we were forced to be at home and with each other was a blessing and what we needed and I thought we were doing really well, but obviously there are still huge huge trust issues

OP posts:
MomToTwoBabas · 19/09/2020 18:45

He is lieing

MadameBlobby · 19/09/2020 21:21

Or equally he knows that the AHs evoke a false positive so its a good excuse/cover up

I’d go with your gut. There’s a reason you ask him to keep doing the tests and it’s because you don’t trust him. A relationship can’t function with no trust.

crunchiebabe · 19/09/2020 21:27

What tests are you using ? Did he test via hair or urine, I believe it must be hair as it sounds like a home kit. Very difficult to get false positive for cocaine.
He needs a proper test hair strand from a toxicology firm, is is the most reliable method of testing, and this can reveal how long he has been using. He shouldn't be using around the kids , he is a major safeguarding risk. I'm so sorry x

crunchiebabe · 19/09/2020 21:35

Sorry .... meant it must be urine as it's a home kit

safariboot · 19/09/2020 21:46

If you're prepared to throw more money at it, a hair test that goes off to a lab will be more accurate and can detect any drug use in the last few months.

But as many have mentioned, there is no trust in your relationship any more.

Newmum97 · 19/09/2020 22:58

As someone that's taken many drugs tests I hate to say it but your partner is lying. You don't get false positives on urine drug tests. It is possible to take a drug such as ecstasy and have it come up positive for something else as well such as cocaine as a lot drugs are mixed these days. I know certain adhd and painkiller medications can cause a positive test for amphetamines or opiates but that's about it. I have watched cocaine utterly destroy people's lives and if I were you I would take your kids and run. Social services will blame you if you do not keep your kids away from him regardless of the fact that your not the one taking drugs. Your children's livelihoods are not worth the risk.

LilyLongJohn · 20/09/2020 08:35

The problem you have op is that Ss have already been involved due to his drug taking. If anything happens that involves them again, and it's proven that he's taken drugs, they will see this as you not protecting your dc. Best case is that they'll be involved with your family for the foreseeable and you'll have to jump through hoops, worse case the kids get taken off you.

I'm not trying to scare you here but I've worked with Ss for some time and it really does depend on 'which' social worker you get as to what happens, but they will cover their arses and you will be in the firing line

SuzieQQQ · 20/09/2020 08:53

Of course he’s lying.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 20/09/2020 09:14

I'm wondering why you say you are working on trust building, he is the one who should be working on ensuring you trust him as he is the one who broke that trust in the first place. You are allowed to not trust him (and are totally justified.) Even if the test is a false positive or he's taking medication solely to cover his tracks, it doesn't matter because if he isn't the one trying to rebuild your trust in him it's never going to work.

Helmetbymidnight · 20/09/2020 09:22

yes, re trust building- there is a reason you dont trust him- and thats because he is utterly untrustworthy. its sensible not to trust him. whether its sensible to live with him, i dont think so.

Itstimetoquit · 12/01/2021 18:20

Hi I was wondering how your getting on ?

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