Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband failed drug test-swears its wrong

169 replies

Whatwouldyoudo8988 · 19/09/2020 10:53

My husband has had a drug problem for a few years. About 3 years ago he did it in the house whilst the children were asleep and I was in the shower, he had overdosed, paramedic came out and the called SS as obviously there were children.
I threw him out
He went to doctors and got some medicine sorted for his depression and anxiety, and got completely off the drugs.
I had him back but the trust was broken so I order some drug test online which I did everyweek to know that he was staying away from them.
Hes been fine and relationship has gotten much better i haven't drug tested him this year.
Yesterday he seemed off so I asked if didnt mind doing a drug test he did it and it came back positive for drugs. He was shocked saying he hadn't touched anything, i check the date expiry on them and they are in date, i did one and it came out negative.
Hes lying isn't he?
What shall I do? He swears its wrong
How can I know the truth, I can't have that shit around my kids.
Do these tests ever come out wrong?
Please advise me

OP posts:
BBCONEANDTWO · 19/09/2020 12:45

If you think it might be a false positive because of the anti histamines - can you take one and see if that shows as positive- then you would know it was the anti histamine?

Whatwouldyoudo8988 · 19/09/2020 12:49

I'm desperate so I have, i will check in a few hours

OP posts:
Kartdoh · 19/09/2020 12:49

@Stripesgalore
Because someone who is taking drugs and also a liar should not be considered fit enough to be a husband or father. He has let his family down!

Seasuns · 19/09/2020 12:49

I came up positive for opiates during pregnancy when I've never touched them. They were testing me because during my 1st I came back positive for cannabis. It could have been a medication I'd taken when I had a headache and tummy ache, I don't know what they were, my relative just offered me them to help with the pain. Or, it could have apparently been poppy seeds used in takeaway curry I had eaten. Either way, I know I've never touched anything like heroin. They kept testing me and I never showed a positive again so...

There can be things that show positive when you haven't taken it. Some prescribed meds do this. But you would be aware surely...

As he has had issues with this drug (is it the same one he tested positive for?) I think you know he's lying!!

emptyshelvesagain · 19/09/2020 12:49

I can't imagine being in a relationship where I had to actually drug test my own partner every week Confused

Honestly, put yourself first. End this and move on with your life.

Quietlyloud · 19/09/2020 12:50

Sounds like what he’s taking might have made the test show up positive? I can’t imagine he would willingly take one if he knows he’s been using but then stranger things have happened. The bigger issue is the fact you can’t trust him and get him to take a drug test fs. Either trust he isn’t using or end it because what’s the point really? It’s not exactly and equal relationship now.

NotCommuting · 19/09/2020 12:52

If you sensed he was 'off' to begin with it suggests something wasn't right.

But that you need to drug test him to begin with would be a dealbreaker for me anyway, is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?

Elieza · 19/09/2020 12:53

I’m a bit confused. On the first post it seemed to say one positive and one negative test were taken.

Then in a later post there were two positive tests.

So is that one negative and two positives taken roughly at the same time on the same day?

If so I’d suggest that there is something wrong with the tests as they should all be the same result surely?

Can you ask the social worker you spoke to before about your concerns?

Redwinestillfine · 19/09/2020 12:53

If he won't leave can you call the police? They may be interested to know where the drugs came from.....

Eryouwhat · 19/09/2020 12:53

So sorry op

Whatwouldyoudo8988 · 19/09/2020 12:55

He did one it was positive, then did another and it was also positive, I thought maybe they were faulty so I did one and it was negative

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 19/09/2020 12:56

@Redwinestillfine

If he won't leave can you call the police? They may be interested to know where the drugs came from.....
Call the police for what?! I'm sure he's not toting bags of coke around the house with him.
userxx · 19/09/2020 12:57

Are you my friend? If I even had to go down the road of drug testing then the relationship would be over. It's no way to live.

MadeForThis · 19/09/2020 12:58

Don't make excuses for him. If he was genuinely innocent he would be asking to be retested, trying to prove he hadn't taken anything, outraged.

It doesn't sound like he is innocent.

Whatwouldyoudo8988 · 19/09/2020 12:58

I feel like I'm going crazy, and reading your replies I feel even crazier

OP posts:
GallusAlice79 · 19/09/2020 12:59

Cocaine is only in urine for a short period of time, so the 3rd negative is almost certainly because its now out of his system.

Irrespective of the test, why do you want to be with someone you don't actually trust?

SonjaMorgan · 19/09/2020 13:00

You knew before he took the test OP. I wouldn't risk having him around the DC. I hope you can work something out.

UniversalAunt · 19/09/2020 13:05

If this situation has brought you to the point where you want the relationship to end, then so be it.

You’ll need to consult a solicitor (preferably specialising in family law) to determine if there are grounds of unreasonable behaviour to legally separate &/or divorce. First session can be free & is useful as a stand alone to gain good legal advice so you act from firm principles. Also as children are involved you do need good advice about how to persuade your OH to leave the family home.

BUT if you are not prepared or willing to end the relationship, then you will BOTH need to see his GP together to discuss what has happened with the behavioural changes, drug testing & what to do next. Outcome may be clinic based ultra-reliable drug testing, referral to specialist unit etc.

Your OH’s behaviour may be off for many reasons & the past few months have been challenging enough for us all, let alone those who are being treated for depression & anxiety.

Me, I’d see both the solicitor & insist on GP appointment (in person or online). The very least your OH can do is discuss this relapse with the GP (with you there).

That your OH uses around the children or in the family home is a non-starter.

You need to be on firm ground so that you can take action to live unencumbered by the dead weight of a drug dependent partner.

BTW, addicts lie & lie very well, mostly to themselves so it’s easy to lie to everyone else.

Merryoldgoat · 19/09/2020 13:05

Why are you fighting to keep him OP? You don’t and can’t trust him, you said yourself he’s very selfish. What’s the point?

MrsMariaReynolds · 19/09/2020 13:06

I'm so sorry, Op. I think this needs to be the end of the relationship. You all deserve better than this. If not for you, but certainly for your children.

UniversalAunt · 19/09/2020 13:09

@Whatwouldyoudo8988 You do not need to sort this out today. It’s an almighty tangle.

But you can take some control by contacting the solicitor & GP Firth thing on Monday morning to book the appointments.

Have you a sensible trustworthy friend you can share this with?

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 19/09/2020 13:12

He's lying.

Anordinarymum · 19/09/2020 13:16

@Whatwouldyoudo8988

My husband has had a drug problem for a few years. About 3 years ago he did it in the house whilst the children were asleep and I was in the shower, he had overdosed, paramedic came out and the called SS as obviously there were children. I threw him out He went to doctors and got some medicine sorted for his depression and anxiety, and got completely off the drugs. I had him back but the trust was broken so I order some drug test online which I did everyweek to know that he was staying away from them. Hes been fine and relationship has gotten much better i haven't drug tested him this year. Yesterday he seemed off so I asked if didnt mind doing a drug test he did it and it came back positive for drugs. He was shocked saying he hadn't touched anything, i check the date expiry on them and they are in date, i did one and it came out negative. Hes lying isn't he? What shall I do? He swears its wrong How can I know the truth, I can't have that shit around my kids. Do these tests ever come out wrong? Please advise me
We don't know you nor do we know your husband. People reply according to information given which is fine until you factor the real people in here which is you and him.

He's tested positive. How has he been behaving ? Give it some time and test again. This could have been a wake -up call for him. Don't be pushed into a knee jerk reaction because of a message forum

Bluntness100 · 19/09/2020 13:17

Honestly op, you write like it’s normal to be drug testing your husband like this. Clearly as you stopped doing them he thought it safe to get back on the drugs.

Kartdoh · 19/09/2020 13:19

I don't get why people think it's normal to stay with someone like this. there's the trust issue which will never go away, the issue of children, the fact he has lied about it etc etc !!