Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

Husband failed drug test-swears its wrong

169 replies

Whatwouldyoudo8988 · 19/09/2020 10:53

My husband has had a drug problem for a few years. About 3 years ago he did it in the house whilst the children were asleep and I was in the shower, he had overdosed, paramedic came out and the called SS as obviously there were children.
I threw him out
He went to doctors and got some medicine sorted for his depression and anxiety, and got completely off the drugs.
I had him back but the trust was broken so I order some drug test online which I did everyweek to know that he was staying away from them.
Hes been fine and relationship has gotten much better i haven't drug tested him this year.
Yesterday he seemed off so I asked if didnt mind doing a drug test he did it and it came back positive for drugs. He was shocked saying he hadn't touched anything, i check the date expiry on them and they are in date, i did one and it came out negative.
Hes lying isn't he?
What shall I do? He swears its wrong
How can I know the truth, I can't have that shit around my kids.
Do these tests ever come out wrong?
Please advise me

OP posts:

KarmaStar · 19/09/2020 12:04

for you op.
You know deep down the test wasn't wrong,your heart is screaming no,your head is screaming yes.....
Addicts lie.
Sadly you need to decide now what you want to do,Chuck him out or give him the chance to be honest then ensure he takes every step possible to be drug free forever.
So sorry it's come to this,drugs are the ruin of so many lives.

ladykuga · 19/09/2020 12:04

Seriously, it's not your responsibility to drug test him for your peace of mind. Why take on the stress of worrying about false positives, his insistence on being drug free and all the other yarns that can be spun. Bin him off for someone trustworthy and drug free.

GunsAndShips · 19/09/2020 12:07

DH nearly lost a job due to a false positive on a drug test. He was able to prove the false positive but it was the first time in the lab's experience that it had happened. Plenty of people had challenged it but with the opposite result.

Ime of a DH who has had a false positive, you'd expect them to be utterly stunned and determined to have further testing/explanations.

Heyahun · 19/09/2020 12:12

Loads of stuff reads as positive on drugs tests - I used to be in the military and had to have drug tests - had one read up positive before and it was because I’d had taken neurofen plus!

He is right though - his house too so you can’t just make him leave !!

But your relationship isn’t working if you’ve no trust and need the drug tests - like it’s ridiculous to have to live like that!

OhCaptain · 19/09/2020 12:15

He's still an addict, @Whatwouldyoudo8988.

When he's not using, he's just an addict who's not using. IMO there's no such thing as an ex-addict.

Remember that you only did the test because he was off. So you knew he was using again.

Aside from that, you're living a life that involves drug testing your husband. Is that the life you want? Really?? And what about your kids growing up in that environment?

You need to leave. End it before it escalates and it's no longer a safe and healthy environment for your dc. Because I hope that SS won't take kindly to them living with a using addicts for the second time when you had the opportunity to get them out.

Bluntness100 · 19/09/2020 12:15

God what a way to live. Sometimes you think you’ve read it all and then you see something like this. Drug testing your husband. And him lying like fuck to your face

What a life you’ve chosen op. Why are you even asking if he’s lying. You know he is. He’s a druggie.

Sanpro · 19/09/2020 12:17

@Whatwouldyoudo8988 tell me you don’t believe him? Of course he’s lying. He’s lying through his teeth to your face. You and your children don’t mean anything like as much to him as drugs do.

Tell him you’ll phone the police on him unless he leaves. He’s bound to have drugs in the house.

Just think about that.

OhCaptain · 19/09/2020 12:17

And yes, false positives CAN happen.

But the likelihood of an addict having a false positive is considerably less.

Besides, like I've said along with PP: you're not living a normal life here. Drug testing your husband shouldn't be a part of your routine.

Amazinggrace233 · 19/09/2020 12:19

I can't believe someone with children would stay with a drug user. Even when you first found out I would have kicked him out, how can you ever trust him again?! How can you live with the worry of is he using etc etc
No one needs that stress in their lives. In addition, once someone's tried it it's very very likely they will carry on with it. Get rid!!!!

ancientgran · 19/09/2020 12:21

I know some painkillers (ordinary OTC ones) can show on some tests. We used to have to do random tests (staff and service users) at a place I worked and we had a whole load of positives and I think it was from paracetamol in cough mixture or cold tablets, years ago so can't quite remember. Tests might be more accurate now though.

It is a tough one.

ovonel80 · 19/09/2020 12:24

Which drugs did the tests find? You would have to research whether it was possible for the specific medication he is on to cause a false positive for that specific substance. It is possible though.

However, you say he was acting strangely and I'd be more concerned about that. In what way was he acting strangely?

I've been in your shoes OP. I've personally had no exposure to drugs or involvement in them and it came as a massive shock to me when I found out my DH was taking copious amounts and managed to keep it completely from me. I think some of the replies on this thread are unnecessarily harsh - it is difficult to walk away from the person you love when they are struggling with something which is a mental health disorder (substance abuse disorder). However, it is unusual for someone to fully come back from such an illness without outside help of some sort. And as others have said, addicts will lie and they will lie convincingly.

It's difficult to advise as every situation is so different, but I would want to know what help he had to overcome his addiction and what on-going help he was having. If he's had none, I would be more sceptical that he's managed to turn it around on his own.

If his behaviour suggests he's back on the drugs, I would suggest he joins a 12 step meeting like narcotics anonymous, and leaves the family home to get support from a rehab facility.

Buzlightyear1 · 19/09/2020 12:26

Please get him out of your home, away from your children. My ex used to use in my home and he eventually started doing it right in my face and my child face. I called the police on him in the end. But I have learned that everything he says is a lie when he’s on it. He will argue and convince you he’s not using. Even if he was clean now I would never go back, not k owing if someone is telling the truth the doubt in your mind all the time. It’s no way to live for anyone. Don’t live like this, my ex actually tried to fake a test before by getting some to give a sample of urine . No joke unfortunately for him he chose a another addict friend 🤦😂 seriously though 2 test say he’s using !

ConquestEmpireHungerPlague · 19/09/2020 12:27

If the validity of the test itself matters to you, then take one of his antihistamines yourself and then retest yourself.

But obviously, it's trust and his behaviour that are the real issues.

rorosemary · 19/09/2020 12:33

You know he's lying. You know what you need to do. Too bad he's a prick that will make it difficult though.

RobinlovesCormoran · 19/09/2020 12:34

I get drug tested at work. The tester asks us if we have had poppy seeds or other seeded foods in case it comes back as heroin. I don't think you can explain a positive cocaine test.

Somethingkindaoooo · 19/09/2020 12:34

@GoldfishParade

I think its fucked up to be putting your partner through drug tests.

If you don't trust him then dont be with him and move on.

Me too How stressful for you OP Do you want to spend the rest of your life policing your partner?

maggiecate · 19/09/2020 12:36

Drug tests soften trigger false positives, but not for cocaine. As the doctor in this article says “ cocaine is cocaine -- you don’t get many false positives or false negatives.”
Basically for cocaine the only substances known to cause false positives are coca leaf team, or cocaine-based local anaesthetics. If it was speed or opiates there are a lot more possibilities as this table shows

anotherdayanotherdinner · 19/09/2020 12:37

So if you're testing him for cocaine it's the cocaine metabolite it will detect. No over the counter meds contain this (they would be illegal as they would have to contain cocaine). Cocaine can be detected for 3-5 days. Some pain killers are opiate based so would show up if you were testing for heroin.

He's been caught out, he's in the wrong and that's a horrible place to be. He's unlikely to admit it as he is an addict and admitting it means there's a problem again. Can he try CA online, get in touch with support services? I would try and have a discussion about why he may have used, what's triggered the use? Come from a supportive angle and you're more likely to get an honest answer. You can then make a decision if you can stay with him.

OhCaptain · 19/09/2020 12:38

It's worth reiterating that you only did this test because you sensed something had changed, OP.

We don't know your husband but you do. And I think you know it's almost impossible for there to be any other reason for a change in behaviour coupled with a positive test result when it comes to an addict.

MuchTooTired · 19/09/2020 12:40

Is he on anti depressants? I’m on setraline and have read online that if I have to do a drugs test I have to declare it as it can show as a positive I’ve done drugs despite the fact I’m not a drugs user!

I’m not saying he’s telling the truth, just I had no idea till I googled the meds a couple of days ago out of curiosity and up it popped.

SunbathingDragon · 19/09/2020 12:40

So his behaviour suggested to you that he might have taken drugs and the test result was positive, so why do you think it might be faulty?

The very fact you are in a relationship where you need to do drug tests on him really isn’t healthy.

Original poster

Whatwouldyoudo8988 · 19/09/2020 12:42

I so desperately want it to be a wrong result but I know in my heart that its not. He is very selfish and not to appear big headed he is so lucky to have me and the only thing I ask of him is honesty and he won't even give me that.

OP posts:

LadyH846 · 19/09/2020 12:42

If I had to test my OH for drugs periodically, I'd want the relationship to be over. I don't understand how you can live like that.

LadyH846 · 19/09/2020 12:43

If you have no trust, you have no relationship.

Stripesgalore · 19/09/2020 12:44

I don’t understand why people think the OP can get her husband out of her home.

There’s no DV. There’s no evidence he has put the children at risk or is going to.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7