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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband has called the police on our neighbours, have we done the right thing?

177 replies

Ninjamomma · 17/09/2020 22:22

DH and I were outside collecting birthday presents from the car and heard our female neighbour from across the street screaming. I couldn't make out everything she was saying but she was historical and we definitely heard "leave me alone" and "I've done nothing wrong" and things being thrown about

I didn't know what to do but DH went straight over and knocked the door - female neighbour came to the door, cracked it open slightly, DH asked If she was OK, she she she was fine and shut the door.

We both didn't feel satisfied so DH has called the police. They are on their way and I'm sat here wondering if we have done the right thing

I'm worried we may have caused tension now with them however I couldn't live with myself If something untoward is going on and I had just turned a blind eye

Have we overstepped our mark?

OP posts:
EveryPlanetHasAYorkshire · 18/09/2020 00:10

@PineappleUpsideDownCake

Oh has it? I uses to teach this as a case study!
I think (and I am going from memory here) some of them did call the police but the police didn't respond fast enough so they manipulated the story to make it sound like they didn't arrive in time because nobody contacted them.
MustShowDH · 18/09/2020 00:12

Even though no action needed, you did the right thing.

PineappleUpsideDownCake · 18/09/2020 00:24

Ah thanks thats3really interesting.

Bananasinpyjamas20 · 18/09/2020 00:56

Definitely the right thing.

Even if they were ‘just arguing’ if it’s loud and intense enough to attract your attention they have crossed a line in their relationship, which makes it easier to cross another line...

Police couod be a sharp wake up call to step back from that line, or a realization for the woman that she is being abused, or the man that other people think this is not OK. It can only be a good thing.

WetdreamBeliever · 18/09/2020 01:16

Do you know what? I wish they would've taught me in school about Kitty, and Rosa Parks, and Amos Tversky, instead of Henry VIII'S wives.
That's the national curriculum for you!

BashfulClam · 18/09/2020 01:30

A woman was raped and murdered several years ago in Queens Park in Glasgow. She was dragged from the street after parking her car, several people during the trail said they heard a commotion and not one called the police or tried to investigate. One actually says to his girlfriend ‘if there is a murder reported we are probably hearing it!’ Would you not go and see what was happening? Especially if you had someone with you or at least shout ‘are you ok? Do you want us to call the police!’

FloorLamp · 18/09/2020 01:30

Sounds like she could maybe have mental health problems. Have you known them long?

crowsfeet57 · 18/09/2020 02:42

Do you know what? I wish they would've taught me in school about Kitty, and Rosa Parks, and Amos Tversky, instead of Henry VIII'S wives
That's the national curriculum for you

History is taught from the past to the present, so you would need to be taking it at A level to get to the 20th century. Whereas Henry VIII would be taught in KS3.

You did the right thing OP.

HardJustGotHarder · 18/09/2020 02:59

When i was 17, I was being strangled in the street by my then boyfriend who was alot older than me.

It was a very busy 4 lane road in London, it was rush hour so cars were crawling along, We were right near the road and i nearly passed out, We stayed there for a long time after the incident because i felt so ill, 100 cars must of past during it but not one person phoned the police....

Not one.. I could of died.
I was 17

Torvean32 · 18/09/2020 03:02

You totally did the right thing. You're a good neighbour.

RantyAnty · 18/09/2020 03:36

You're a great neighbour and 100% did the right thing.

Polkapoo · 18/09/2020 06:07

@sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea

OP, hopefully it's nothing too serious, but your DH did absolutely the right thing. I've never forgiven my old neighbours (who I thought of as good friends) for not doing the same for me - especially so when they told me they'd heard some of the screaming & crashing on more than one night 'but didn't want to get involved'.

If it is nothing, great. But on behalf of someone who really needed neighbours like you, thank you.

Me too. They said to me once I'd finally got him to leave that they nearly called the police because they thought he was killing me.

Well thanks for nearly calling them as you thought I was being murdered. Thanks a lot.

You did the right thing OP.

luckystarmaking · 18/09/2020 06:13

I've done the same thing when the neighbour screamed "call the police", but shes still living there with her abuser. I

PopsicleHustler · 18/09/2020 06:34

You might have saved someone from a long history of domestic abuse.

WhatInFreshHell · 18/09/2020 06:35

Something similar happened quite recently here.

I live in a ground floor flat and I could hear my neighbour upstairs screaming at her kids. Now, the screaming at the kids happens on a regular basis, swearing at them, and such (A number of us have already reported this via the NSPCC, and Social Services had become involved with the family)

Anyway, whilst she was screaming and stomping about, her little boy (aged 3) started to cry and scream 'Ow ouch ow!' It was heartbreaking to hear how upset and frightened he was. I then heard the mother shout 'Have I hurt your arm?! Have I?! Well, it's your own fucking fault, you stupid little cunt!' I was so so shocked that I got straight on the phone to the Police.

Long story cut short, the children were removed to live with Grandparents and my neighbour is due in Court for various offences of neglect and violence towards her children.

She obviously doesn't speak to me in the street anymore, she knows it was me who called Police, but I'm so glad I did.

I'm not a nosey person by any means, but actually hearing her hurting her children terrified me!

OP, you made the right decision!

Afibtomyboy · 18/09/2020 06:38

The people saying that they were suffering Ongoing domestic physical abuse from their partners and saying they’d wished the neighbours had called the police. Genuine question.

If the police turned up and you were arguing, maybe he’s just hurt you but no very obvious sign of injury.

What Do you envisage would have happened? Would you have spilled your guts to the police? Ok, that would have been the ideal scenario as the police would have then been able to act.

But would you not, in all likelihood, have brushed under the carpet? Presumably if you spilled your guts to the police you could have done that way before?
Would you not have been very frightened if the implications of opening up to the police right there in front of your partner, knowing in all likelihood he will Deny and having no idea re what’s going to happen. Perhaps you have children upstairs?

I think there’s a tendency to think... oh if someone had called the police on my partner, it would have solved the problem.

I would be so scared that I’d be making it worse for you. I would want to Pop over during the day, wait until partner was out, and try to speak with you first and say that I heard and that I’m worried.

Pelleas · 18/09/2020 06:39

Absolutely the right thing. Think how you'd have felt if you'd have turned a blind eye and then further on down the line, your neighbour was seriously injured.

GinWithRosie · 18/09/2020 06:47

@Afibtomyboy So you'd listen to the noise of violent domestic abuse and then wait until the abuser left before 'popping over' to check?

Out of interest...what would you then say to emergency services when you phoned up to report finding your neighbour dead?

That's a pretty shitty response to listening to a woman being beaten up!

Tomatoesneedtoripen · 18/09/2020 06:53

was there a time police didnt want to get involved in just a domestic?

Tomatoesneedtoripen · 18/09/2020 06:54

i called the police on my neighbour very many years ago,
more recently, different neighbours I didnt,
the other neighbour and I both heard, it was awful, with her apologizing. Sad
otoh they cant come round for every row

Mummydaydreams · 18/09/2020 07:09

I called the police on neighbours in a flat below us when I heard a woman screaming "please just leave me alone, please no". The police arrived and then very quickly an ambulance, he'd broken her arm Sad

whirlwindwallaby · 18/09/2020 07:15

What Do you envisage would have happened? Would you have spilled your guts to the police? Ok, that would have been the ideal scenario as the police would have then been able to act. Yes, I would have. Easier at the time in the heat of the moment than after the fact when you start thinking it wasn't so bad and not worth going to the police.

OfTheNight · 18/09/2020 07:19

Thank you for caring enough to do that. You’re a great neighbour.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/09/2020 07:25

Afibtomyboy But that action, attempted intervention gives women hope. They know someone else is aware and that knowledge becomes part of any escape plan they may be building. They know that if/when they manage to disentangle themselves, stop protecting him, his image, that someone out there will believe them!

That in itself makes it more likely that an DV victim will leave.*

Silence does nothing... except allow DV to continue.

*Or so my aunt says. She finally left after 30 years because her neighbour, a stern old man who was best known for shouting at kids playing with balls in the No Ball Games area, once whispered to her that he would be there for her when she ran. When she crept out of the house in the early hours of one Sunday morning she went to his house and he walked her to a police station. She says he saved her life. Not because he walked to the police, but that whispered sentence made her realise that others saw he DH as she did! That reaslisation quite literally changed her life.

user92837465 · 18/09/2020 07:36

Curious - that just made me well up