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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband has called the police on our neighbours, have we done the right thing?

177 replies

Ninjamomma · 17/09/2020 22:22

DH and I were outside collecting birthday presents from the car and heard our female neighbour from across the street screaming. I couldn't make out everything she was saying but she was historical and we definitely heard "leave me alone" and "I've done nothing wrong" and things being thrown about

I didn't know what to do but DH went straight over and knocked the door - female neighbour came to the door, cracked it open slightly, DH asked If she was OK, she she she was fine and shut the door.

We both didn't feel satisfied so DH has called the police. They are on their way and I'm sat here wondering if we have done the right thing

I'm worried we may have caused tension now with them however I couldn't live with myself If something untoward is going on and I had just turned a blind eye

Have we overstepped our mark?

OP posts:
sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 17/09/2020 22:49

OP, hopefully it's nothing too serious, but your DH did absolutely the right thing. I've never forgiven my old neighbours (who I thought of as good friends) for not doing the same for me - especially so when they told me they'd heard some of the screaming & crashing on more than one night 'but didn't want to get involved'.

If it is nothing, great. But on behalf of someone who really needed neighbours like you, thank you.

Heffalooomia · 17/09/2020 22:51

you did the right thing OP

BatShite · 17/09/2020 22:59

Don't feel bad, we would have done the same. MY best friend was 'saved' by her neighbour ringing the police one night when he got worse than most nights.

msflibble · 17/09/2020 23:00

Busybody neighbours saved my friend's life. She was about to be murdered with a knife in front of her 3 yo by her crazy coke addicted on-off boyfriend. He had said he was going to kill the child too. The police turned up in the nick of time.

Your DH did the right thing, regardless of any awkward consequences.

Original poster
Ninjamomma · 17/09/2020 23:05

@msflibble

Busybody neighbours saved my friend's life. She was about to be murdered with a knife in front of her 3 yo by her crazy coke addicted on-off boyfriend. He had said he was going to kill the child too. The police turned up in the nick of time.

Your DH did the right thing, regardless of any awkward consequences.

That's absolutely awful, your poor friend. I did have a feeling I may get some poeple who would say we should mind out own business but I'm 100% happy to take any potential backlash from the neighbours having read all the responses
OP posts:
BF2748 · 17/09/2020 23:05

you both sound like really lovely neighbours, the kind so many need. So many turn a blind eye to these things and in my opinion questioning on whether to ring the police is never the approach to take. At worst it’s a wasted call but for some their life is saved. I’m sure she will be thankful you’re looking out for her regardless of what is going on.

gruffalo28 · 17/09/2020 23:07

I clicked on this thread to say yabu as I thought you were a covid reporter but with what you describe YANBU. Ultimately a record is logged that may be useful for her in the future (if fighting for custody or whatever).

SapphireSeptember · 17/09/2020 23:09

To the 5% who voted YABU, WTF?

OP, you've done the right thing.

@sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea {flowers] I'm sorry they weren't there for you when they needed you to be. Sad

PurBal · 17/09/2020 23:10

You did the right thing. I watched a guy get beaten up in the street but I was too scared for myself to report it. I have always regretted not saying something.

Chocolate1984 · 17/09/2020 23:11

Years ago someone got into my friends close and was banging on the door. They could hear someone fighting outside their door and “didn’t want involved”. They went back to bed and shut their door. In fact the other 5 flats in the close didn’t want involved either and no one called the police. Their friend was murdered in their close. They think he ran to their flat to hide/get help.

I honestly couldn’t believe they didn’t call the police. Why wouldn’t you try and help?

AutumnSuns · 17/09/2020 23:11

You and your DH absolutely did the right thing. The person who voted YABU probably preside the wrong button.

Thisisnotnormal69 · 17/09/2020 23:13

Definitely did the right thing

WetdreamBeliever · 17/09/2020 23:16

Google Kitty Genovese. 38 people saw her being attacked and everyone assumed that someone else would have called the police. Kitty was murdered and it came to be known as the 'bystander effect'.

Original poster
Ninjamomma · 17/09/2020 23:18

@Chocolate1984

Years ago someone got into my friends close and was banging on the door. They could hear someone fighting outside their door and “didn’t want involved”. They went back to bed and shut their door. In fact the other 5 flats in the close didn’t want involved either and no one called the police. Their friend was murdered in their close. They think he ran to their flat to hide/get help.

I honestly couldn’t believe they didn’t call the police. Why wouldn’t you try and help?

See that would haunt me for the rest of forever. How do you ever come to forgive yourself for that. I didn't really quibble at all. I just knew I could live with tension but not with someone being hurt/potentially worse and knowing and I could have helped
OP posts:
Iwantacookie · 17/09/2020 23:20

OP you definitely did the right thing. Police will insist on speaking to them separately and will know what to pick up on and what to do.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 17/09/2020 23:20

Nosy neighbours save lives. You did the right thing

Bookriddle · 17/09/2020 23:24

My friend was stood outside of his block of flats having a smoke, 2 blokes walked up, my friend thought they looked suspicious, he said he had this bad feeling, called the police, unfortunately by the time the police arrived, a bloke in a flat above got stabbed in the chest, was killed, was in front of his wife and 2 kids, they was caught within 24 hours, had something to do with drugs

RealityExistsInTheHumanMind · 17/09/2020 23:28

Covid related - mind your own business
Domestic violence }
Safeguarding }
Drink Driving }

Always always always worth a call

With Covid - just remember you are pulling police from doing their real job.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 17/09/2020 23:28

Sapphire it's fine, I called the Police myself in the end. But I'll never be able to walk away when a situation worries me as a result. It just takes one person to step in or to make a call. OP's DH did absolutely the right thing here. But thank you, I do love Flowers

Original poster
Ninjamomma · 17/09/2020 23:41

We got a knock from the police which has completely thrown me off as I know the neighbours would assume it was us but now they will definitely know

They have told us that they have spoken to both parties and are happy there is no further action needed.

They have said they can't go into detail but that there are underlying probelms and that the husband is actually very supportive and they have no reason to believe there has been any violence

We have thanked them for coming out and expressed our surprise at being given feedback but apparently they were told that the couple were happy for us to be spoken to

I absolutely back the police so beleive they must be reassured everything is OK and although we evidently haven't quite read the situation right, I definitely don't regret my decision

OP posts:
EveryPlanetHasAYorkshire · 17/09/2020 23:52

@WetdreamBeliever

Google Kitty Genovese. 38 people saw her being attacked and everyone assumed that someone else would have called the police. Kitty was murdered and it came to be known as the 'bystander effect'.
I thought that had been debunked and it was confirmed that multiple witnesses did in fact contact the police?
GabsAlot · 17/09/2020 23:59

she might have mh problems and they cant divulge that

you did the right thing

PineappleUpsideDownCake · 18/09/2020 00:03

Oh has it? I uses to teach this as a case study!

Marshmallow91 · 18/09/2020 00:08

@EveryPlanetHasAYorkshire it was. Multiple people called, but most couldn't get through to the local police station. Its the crime that kickstarted the introduction of a nation wide "911" service.

One of her best friends held her as she lay dying and the police just didn't bother turning up and told people to stop calling them.

Justaboy · 18/09/2020 00:09

Well not that bad an outcome but i bet these incidentrs are rising each day with this covid busniess all manner of little frictions flaring up to bigger ones:(

Yes bystander effect worse in this situation as anyone hearing the commotion will think that someone else must have called old bill!

And quite likely no ones has:(