To think it's totally normal to love and like your best female friend more than your husband?

[mimblefish]

What the title says, really. I am in constant contact with my best female friend. I adore her, she is the other half of me. My husband has never been remotely bothered about this, I love him and he's a nice man and I find him very funny and he is my best friend after her. We have never had any problems.

A bisexual friend of mine said recently that if she was married to me, she'd feel really threatened by my relationship with my best friend. Now, I am not sexually attracted to best friend at all. If it was between her and husband I'd probably pick her to pull out of a burning building, but that doesn't mean it's a romantic attraction. I get that things might be more complicated if you're not straight, but, eh. What do you think, mumsnet? AIBU to think lots of women love their best friends more than anyone but their children?

My boyfriend IS my best friend. My other friends are lovely but they don't come close!

I have some awesome friends and very women orientated generally but...nope.

All sounds a bit childish. Do adults have 'best' friends?!
Is something lacking in your marriage?

If dh said seriously he’d pull his mate out of a burning building before me - his wife, his life partner, mother of his children - I think that would spell the end of our marriage to be honest.

Really sorry to say this but I'm gay, and this a doesn't sound terribly straight. There are many types of partner attachment - one is sexual. Certainly sounds like you might be romantically attached to you friend. Sorry!!!

All that said; if you are happy, if your husband is happy, if your friend is happy, and if your friend has a partner and they are also happy, then why over think any of this?

To echo a few other posters I would pick my sister out of a burning building for my own sake as she truly is my best friend and I couldn't ever ever live without her. But I'd choose my husband out of a burning building for my children's sake (I'm getting very into the hypothetical burning building situation here...)

I agree with you OP. But that's probably because my H doesn't show any interest in me, either sexually or otherwise, and has no clue who I really am. Been married for 20 years and my bestie makes me laugh more than he does, I go on holiday with her (we also have a family holiday), days out with her. He really couldn't give a shit about what I like

Sorry. This does not sound normal to me. My husband comes before any friend.

Lol people who find this weird .. what if your husband gets up one day and says he doesn’t love you any more?! 😂 or has an affair ? Or is so bad MN say LTB ?!

Best friend for me too 🥰

@GeekyGirl42

Really sorry to say this but I'm gay, and this a doesn't sound terribly straight. There are many types of partner attachment - one is sexual. Certainly sounds like you might be romantically attached to you friend. Sorry!!!

All that said; if you are happy, if your husband is happy, if your friend is happy, and if your friend has a partner and they are also happy, then why over think any of this?

Have you not heard of platonic love ? Friend love?

Not everything is about sex or sexual attraction

@Mooballs

All sounds a bit childish. Do adults have 'best' friends?! Is something lacking in your marriage?

Of course adults have best friends ( I have a wonderful one who I met in my 30's) But ultimately your spouse, your chosen life partner should take priority

You sound incredibly lucky op to have 2 such wonderful people in your life. If you’ve been friends since you were 14 that sounds like one of those amazing movie friendships and your Dh sounds wonderful (and very understanding) too.

I’m not that close with anybody really.

Well done and good luck to you.

OP’s friend love is over the top. Even Laverne and Shirley parted ways when Shirley got married. In life, the spouse should be the best friend, the go-to. It’s nice to have friends, but the OP is gushing over hers-save that attention for your hubby.

To be fair, I would say ylu have a wife, and a housemate with benefits. which is fine if you’re all ok with that.

There are many types of partner attachment - one is sexual.

Sorry, what?!

How can you say there are ‘many types of partner attached - one is sexual’...

And then go on to say:

Certainly sounds like you might be romantically attached to you friend. Sorry!!!

If there are many types of partner attachment and just one is sexual, then surely the OP has the sexual attachment with her DH and one of the ‘many other types’ with her friend?

@Harvestsquirrel1

OP’s friend love is over the top. Even Laverne and Shirley parted ways when Shirley got married. In life, the spouse should be the best friend, the go-to. It’s nice to have friends, but the OP is gushing over hers-save that attention for your hubby.

Seriously? You think people should retire or downgrade their friendships when one of them gets married, because ‘hubby’ should get all your attention?

My bestie has been in my life since we were babies

I love her but I still love my husband more and I a totally different way

If both were in a burning building I’d have to choose husband but I’d find that very difficult and it would be a very close call

No, that’s not normal. The love is different, so it’s not even be comparable.

Do you have children? Because if you chose your mate to pull out of a burning building over your children’s father, that would just be wrong.

I think you’re married to the wrong man.

I'm jealous, my oh isn't my best friend and I don't have any true female friends let alone a best friend 😒.

I agree. I knew my friend way before I met my husband, they've been there through thick and thin and multiple previous relationships. We went to school together... I know she would be there for me if relationship fell apart..

Do you have children? Because if you chose your mate to pull out of a burning building over your children’s father, that would just be wrong.

I'd choose my partner because of the kids.

I'd also rather save my grandma from a burning building than my spouse, but I'd probably have to choose him for the kids again

@anonacatchat

Lol people who find this weird .. what if your husband gets up one day and says he doesn’t love you any more?! 😂 or has an affair ? Or is so bad MN say LTB ?!

Best friend for me too 🥰

What if your best friend finds another best friend?

I think some people may not be married to the right person.