to be angry about 6th form's "shoulder's must be covered" policy

[randomname7208633]

I'm a dad of 4 (just putting that out there so there's no confusion) and this morning my dd (17) told me that yesterday, which was pretty hot here (not that that should matter,) she was told by a female member of staff that she had to either wear a coat all day or go home because her top had straps which made her shoulders visible.

Nothing else was uncovered and she was in no way indecent, she was just informed that shoulders had to be covered because otherwise (I know you can see this coming) it was "distracting to boys".

Apparently quite a few other girls were given the same warning that day (probably because it was the first really warm day since they'd been back to school and had all dressed according to the weather) and then a school wide announcement was made.

I've checked the uniform policy and there's no mention of it so I've emailed the school asking for clarification.

If this is indeed a policy that's being enforced I think it's ridiculous that female students are being made to dress in ways to suit male students. If a boy is distracted by girl's shoulders then the problem is with the boy! The messages this sends out just make me smh. It's 2020 and girls are having to think about how their clothes might make boys (and by extension, men) react. Argh!!!

They are allowed to set a dress code

And parents are allowed to discuss or challenge it. Our school tried to set the same one, parents objected and they reversed their policy around ‘shoulders’ spaghetti straps...

I didn’t give ‘2 definitions’, I disagreed with the wording and implication of the one I was responding to by saying ‘revealing‘ implies it’s of sexual interest and too much flesh exposed.

I don't see the issue here at all. The spaghetti straps things is not a suitable look for school/college/work.

If shoulders are not sexual then why all the fuss about " off the shoulder" or " Bardot top" and so on.

There are a whole heap of things more important than being indignant about vests.

It’s obviously policy in a school or workplace, ergo it applies to both sexes/genders.

Well no it isn’t always. My point was simple: are you saying there are policy’s that exist which treat men and women differently with respect to vests, OR are you saying social norms make it unacceptable. It’s not me that’s convoluted, you aren’t being clear.

Plenty of workplaces have no policy on vests, as evidenced in this thread. That applies to men and women. It also appears that most men chose not to wear them. I think that’s because there’s a social norm at play, rather than a policy that applies to either sex or both. I don’t think anyone has given an example of a place that allows vests for women, but not men.

If shoulders are not sexual then why all the fuss about " off the shoulder" or " Bardot top" and so on.

Fuss? From whom?

And parents are allowed to discuss or challenge it. Our school tried to set the same one, parents objected and they reversed their policy around ‘shoulders’ spaghetti straps...
I can't imagine being so invested in my daughter being allowed to wear spaghetti strapped tops to school.
It puts me in mind of those Daily Mail sad face mothers shoving burgers at their children through the school railings when the schools had the temerity to introduce a healthy eating plan 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you had complained at DH's school they would have told you to find another school.

I doubt any school would tell parents to go elsewhere because they complained. That’s silly. I was one of many who objected, that’s why they couldn’t enforce it.

I can't imagine being so invested in my daughter being allowed to wear spaghetti strapped tops to school.
It puts me in mind of those Daily Mail sad face mothers shoving burgers at their children through the school railings when the schools had the temerity to introduce a healthy eating plan

I can’t imagine being so conformist and so sexist as to allow my child’s shoulders to be sexualised by teachers or an institution, and ignoring them applying rules around her clothes because they say it’s distracting to males. I really can’t imagine being that poor of a parent. I also can’t imagine lacking the intelligence to understand the difference between healthy eating options at school, a great policy that is evidence based, and sexist policies that limit clothing for no reason. It’s quite a stupid comparison to make. I’m really happy I’m not like that.

@MillyMollyFarmer, why is it a thing then? Off the shoulder, its drawing attention to er....the shoulder?

How on earth have we made the leap from spahetti straps to being an unwise choice, to sexualizing children?

How on earth have we made the leap from spahetti straps to being an unwise choice, to sexualizing children?

Explain why it’s an unwise choice without sexualising the shoulders of children.

When the teacher said it was distracting to the boys, that was sexualising the OPs daughter, don’t you agree randomer?

@MillyMollyFarmer

I can't imagine being so invested in my daughter being allowed to wear spaghetti strapped tops to school. It puts me in mind of those Daily Mail sad face mothers shoving burgers at their children through the school railings when the schools had the temerity to introduce a healthy eating plan

I can’t imagine being so conformist and so sexist as to allow my child’s shoulders to be sexualised by teachers or an institution, and ignoring them applying rules around her clothes because they say it’s distracting to males. I really can’t imagine being that poor of a parent. I also can’t imagine lacking the intelligence to understand the difference between healthy eating options at school, a great policy that is evidence based, and sexist policies that limit clothing for no reason. It’s quite a stupid comparison to make. I’m really happy I’m not like that.

What a pile of self congratulatory shite 🤦‍♀️

that was to counter your pathetic insults and attempt to denigrate my parenting. It wasn’t self congratulatory, it was more a dig at you. Just in case it wasn’t clear.

a 17 year old is a young woman not a child. Its not about sexualising, thats a vile thing. Its about a little pinch of common sense and a very foolish comment made by a teacher.

A dig at me for being a poor, stupid parent? . Dig away, dear 🤷🏻‍♀️

a very foolish comment

Well I would disagree. It’s sexist. If the policy is for the sake of stopping boys behaviour, it’s really off.

I'm working from home at the moment and the last 2 days have been in vest tops (bra straps hidden as if a flash would titilate) and the other people on my calls have been dressed similarly. It's hot. I'm keeping cool.

I'm also a senior manager within an organisation.

Thisismytimetoshine No, clearly, you attacked my parenting with your ugly unintelligent comparison. Bore off

It seems that there are the spaghetti-strap teens and the polar opposites. Dd, in spite of the hot weather, sloped off this morning in full Billie Eilish giant cardigan look.

People don’t wear spaghetti straps, Bardot tops, midriff-baring tops or Daily Duke shorts because they are cool as in temperature. They are a fashion choice. Are they a sexualised look? Well, I would urge posters to look at some pop videos. Few girls there wearing a jumper.

It is actually one of my hobby horses that male pop stars appear wearing coat, boots etc yet the females (star or dancers) are scantily clad. It seems no one sees the problem (but sees the problems with every other bloody thing).

The above influences girls from an early age and it is not liberated to wear spaghetti -strap tops (save for the beach). It is manipulation in the guise of liberation.

@Twigaletta

I'm working from home at the moment and the last 2 days have been in vest tops (bra straps hidden as if a flash would titilate) and the other people on my calls have been dressed similarly. It's hot. I'm keeping cool.

I'm also a senior manager within an organisation.

I was in a vest top and shorts yesterday, but I wouldn't have worn them to the office because they would have been inappropriate. Too cold for shorts today. Jeans and T-shirt weather (and slippers )

Sexual shoulders reminds me of Victorians as sexual ankles. As if

Daily dukes???!!! daisy dukes is what I thought I typed!

Explain why it’s an unwise choice without sexualising the shoulders of children

Sun protection? I hate my DC wearing them as it just more body to put cream on

I work in financial services, vaguely serious environment and have worn a silk vest top to the office - with appropriate sun cream applied which ruined the top. Not sure I’m moving the discussion on much here.

Just send them in bikini/speedos. All necessary bits are covered, so its fine!

@IrmaFayLear,great post.

Gawd, is this one still banging on?