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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be angry about 6th form's "shoulder's must be covered" policy

631 replies

randomname7208633 · 15/09/2020 08:45

I'm a dad of 4 (just putting that out there so there's no confusion) and this morning my dd (17) told me that yesterday, which was pretty hot here (not that that should matter,) she was told by a female member of staff that she had to either wear a coat all day or go home because her top had straps which made her shoulders visible.

Nothing else was uncovered and she was in no way indecent, she was just informed that shoulders had to be covered because otherwise (I know you can see this coming) it was "distracting to boys".

Apparently quite a few other girls were given the same warning that day (probably because it was the first really warm day since they'd been back to school and had all dressed according to the weather) and then a school wide announcement was made.

I've checked the uniform policy and there's no mention of it so I've emailed the school asking for clarification.

If this is indeed a policy that's being enforced I think it's ridiculous that female students are being made to dress in ways to suit male students. If a boy is distracted by girl's shoulders then the problem is with the boy! The messages this sends out just make me smh. It's 2020 and girls are having to think about how their clothes might make boys (and by extension, men) react. Argh!!!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
StepAwayFromGoogle · 15/09/2020 18:54

Spaghetti tops are not necessary on hot days, and not acceptable at my workplace or anywhere I've ever worked.
Parts of colleagues bodies I don't need to see at work:
Belly button/midriff
Armpit
Top of thighs/bottom of arse
Toenails
It's nothing to do with the men being distracted - I'm female and straight - I just don't think it's professional or necessary in any work/study setting.

CountFosco · 15/09/2020 18:57

I don't buy the 'not appropriate for the office' view of sleeveless dresses, as long as the straps are wide enough to cover bra straps then a sleeveless dress can be completely business appropriate. Michelle Obama seemed to regularly manage looking smart and (oval) office appropriate in sleeveless dresses.

MillyMollyFarmer · 15/09/2020 18:58

ghastly idea but the person under discussion is aged 17

And they are being discussed by adults who are sexualising their shoulders.

I’m not in the habit of sexualising teenagers at my age, why are so many here in the habit of doing it? It is disturbing.

Elsewyre · 15/09/2020 18:59

I'm imaging what a group of teenage boys in "wife beaters" would do for the schools image here

randomer · 15/09/2020 19:02

I am not sexualising teenagers. Utter nonsense, the clothing is inappropriate.

MillyMollyFarmer · 15/09/2020 19:04

It’s more likely because with how PC the world is now few teachers would dare come out with something like that as it could be career ending.

I’ve stated twice now this happened at my daughters school, at assembly by a head of year at an independent school. Complaints followed, I even spoke to the teacher on the phone about it where she repeated it several times to me. She even said it was distracting to Male teachers and unfair to the female teachers. Really. Thankfully the High mistress was not in agreement with her.

So now do you think I’m a liar as well as this man’s daughter?

And no, not career ending at all. She remained head of year until she took maternity leave. She happens to be a good teacher and quite helpful to us with my child’s autism. But she majorly messed up and was told so but was gracious and kind afterwards. I even sent her a gift for her baby, so i didn’t think it should be career ending either but that she needed to understand why it wasn’t ok.

IntermittentParps · 15/09/2020 19:04

In terms of “distracting boys” I think some posters are being disingenuous. From some of the things DD told me I can assure you that visible bra straps certainly got noticed and talked about.

Yes, but kids (girls AND boys) shouldn't learn that girls have to dress a certain way or risk getting talked about, and worse.

As ComeOnBaby says, 'Boys can and should control themselves. If they don't then there must be consequences. If It's their behaviour that is the problem, then that's what should be policed and limited.'

MillyMollyFarmer · 15/09/2020 19:04

You are. Shoulders are not sexual.

woodhill · 15/09/2020 19:04

I've been wearing a sleeveless cotton top today but would not wear spaghetti straps to work

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 15/09/2020 19:06

@Iknowthingsthatwillhappen

If I was the college/school I would be rolling my eyes at you, when schools have enough going on at the moment.................................
It's a good think you are not working at a school/college or responsible for children/young people.
disorganisedsecretsquirrel · 15/09/2020 19:06

I bloody hate the phrase 'office based wear' . I work in the civil service, perhaps the most 'conservative arena ' .. and yet we manage to get through our day with people wearing speghetti straps, .... they are being misogynistic. !!

ameliajoan · 15/09/2020 19:07

MillyMollyFarmer You can state whatever you like.

Did you miss the words few teachers and could in my post?

UsedUpUsername · 15/09/2020 19:18

I work in the civil service, perhaps the most 'conservative arena ' .. and yet we manage to get through our day with people wearing speghetti straps

Men don’t wear sleeveless tops in the office, but if they did 🤮 then I’m sure words would be said

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 15/09/2020 19:26

Half of the posters seem to support the rule just in case of "ugh..man(hairy) body parts " Hmm

MillyMollyFarmer · 15/09/2020 19:26

Did you miss the words few teachers and could in my post?

Which I think is BS. What do you base it on? I at least have an example to use. I think it’s just an easy way to dismiss the OP. It’s not based on reality.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 15/09/2020 19:49

I work in a school and our dress code states that shoulders must be covered.

It’s all about looking professional nothing to do with distracting boys!

Persipan · 15/09/2020 19:54

@BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou

I work in a school and our dress code states that shoulders must be covered.

It’s all about looking professional nothing to do with distracting boys!

a) why do schoolchildren need to look professional? b) what's unprofessional about shoulders?
Parker231 · 15/09/2020 20:12

“Professional “ clothes for 6th form are a waste of money. Let’s them wear jeans. If they’re off to Uni that will be their uniform for the next few years.

SerenDippitty · 15/09/2020 20:18

If shoulders are fine then boob tubes should be acceptable school wear?

OpenlyGayExOlympicFencer · 15/09/2020 20:35

@MillyMollyFarmer

Did you miss the words few teachers and could in my post?

Which I think is BS. What do you base it on? I at least have an example to use. I think it’s just an easy way to dismiss the OP. It’s not based on reality.

Yes, it's merely something that poster has pulled out of their arse, and should be interpreted as such.
randomer · 15/09/2020 20:38

Yes, but kids (girls AND boys) shouldn't learn that girls have to dress a certain way or risk getting talked about, and worse

A huge amount of talking about how people dress goes on. Personally , I think its vacuous nonsense. The best way to prevent it is to have a dress code which enables comfort and some level of conformity.

TheEC · 15/09/2020 20:43

@BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou

Can you explain to me why shoulders are unprofessional please Smile

Stinkyguineapig · 15/09/2020 20:51

I bloody hate the phrase 'office based wear' . I work in the civil service, perhaps the most 'conservative arena ' .. and yet we manage to get through our day with people wearing speghetti straps, .... they are being misogynistic. !!

What is the single biggest failing of the current government?
Allowing civil servants to wear spaghetti strap tops!
(No wonder it's such a shitshow!) 😂😂😂

Justgorgeous · 15/09/2020 20:52

6th form is business dress.

Original poster
randomname7208633 · 15/09/2020 20:58

Two updates:

I've just got in and spoken to my dd (or rather my dd has come and spoken to me). First thing to mention is that she was asked to go to the office today and was then asked why her dad had emailed in Hmm. She explained why, including the justification given by the teacher, so the school knew that I was not merely interested in the policy but rather whether the policy was based on a sexist justification. It feels a bit off of the school to try and get "inside info" on this instead of just replying to the questions I was asking. Why not just email me back when I asked why shoulders needed to be covered? Instead they asked my dd why I was emailing and then didn't reply when they found out it was because I thought it was sexist.

The second update, which may be immaterial (pardon the pun) is that this was not a spaghetti top (I wouldn't have known what one was until today) but more of what I'd call a vest top. The "straps" are about a couple of inches thick so they weren't those stringy strap things you see and her bra straps were well and truly covered. I'm sure everyone will have their own opinion on whether those tops are appropriate in a school setting but as I've said before that wasn't really my main concern, but it seems to have become a hot topic in its own right within the thread.

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