to be angry about 6th form's "shoulder's must be covered" policy

[randomname7208633]

I'm a dad of 4 (just putting that out there so there's no confusion) and this morning my dd (17) told me that yesterday, which was pretty hot here (not that that should matter,) she was told by a female member of staff that she had to either wear a coat all day or go home because her top had straps which made her shoulders visible.

Nothing else was uncovered and she was in no way indecent, she was just informed that shoulders had to be covered because otherwise (I know you can see this coming) it was "distracting to boys".

Apparently quite a few other girls were given the same warning that day (probably because it was the first really warm day since they'd been back to school and had all dressed according to the weather) and then a school wide announcement was made.

I've checked the uniform policy and there's no mention of it so I've emailed the school asking for clarification.

If this is indeed a policy that's being enforced I think it's ridiculous that female students are being made to dress in ways to suit male students. If a boy is distracted by girl's shoulders then the problem is with the boy! The messages this sends out just make me smh. It's 2020 and girls are having to think about how their clothes might make boys (and by extension, men) react. Argh!!!

^ a PP makes a good point re the equivalent of boys in vest tops at 6th form - wouldn't that also seem too casual and potentially distracting to girls? Is it only boys who can be distracted by girls' attire and not the other way around?

@froggygoneacourting

The most disciplined person I know, who is also by far the most professionally successful person I know, wear the same pair of ancient jeans or shorts every day, with a brightly coloured striped T-shirt or old jumper. He owns one suit which he only wears to go on Question Time or Newsnight or for high profile public events.

So he understands what appropriate clothing means and wears formal clothing when the situation requires it.

Nothing to do with boys, wear suitable professional clothing.

Distracting the boys aside, bare skin takes up more heat from exposure to the sun than covered with natural fibres.

@froggygoneacourting, its not Dom is it?

RB68 One of the reasons schools have individual distinctive colours/uniforms is to differentiate students between schools. A small blazer patch being the only differentiating factor could be easily covered, changed or mistaken. Students need to be distinguishable when representing the school outside the school and on school trips etc and it also makes them easier to spot in a crowd or describe if they needed locating. Lots of good reasons...

Am so glad my DC’s went to a school with no school uniform. They wore jeans or shorts with a T-shirt or hoodie. Never any issues and they totally understand about different clothes for different situations.

So he understands what appropriate clothing means and wears formal clothing when the situation requires it.

I suggest you read my post from this morning:

“Surely the most valuable skill (related to clothing) is teaching young people to make their own decisions and judgement calls about what kind of clothing is appropriate for a particular situation? Marshalling them with overly restrictive dress codes denies them the opportunity to do that.”

Not Dom! But he knows (and strongly dislikes) Dom. 🤮 🤢

Sorry but why should she get to wear a strapping top to school? Do the boys have that opportunity?

There is a certain level of dress code for schools 8b my eyes, and straps tops doesn’t cut it

This thread is frustrating and amusing in equal measure.

Frustrating because the misogyny which the OP identifies in his post is so clearly supported by a number of other posters on here.

Amusing because of how many posters seems completely incapable of reading and comprehending the opening post! There are two main facts - (a) bare shoulders are not mentioned in the school's uniform policy and (b) a member of staff told the girl that bare shoulders were distracting to boys. The number of posters that struggled to extract even that much basic information before firing off their response!

As an aside the UK is one of the few countries in the world to send its children to school in uniform. It doesn't have any benefits - the much trumpeted "but they all look the same" is nonsense. Kids know whose parents are loaded and who's struggling.
It's all about control rather than development.

Everyone knows bare shoulders on boys or girls are not appropriate in school or other formal setting and in church etc. It is a rule equally applied to boys.

@Xenia

Everyone knows bare shoulders on boys or girls are not appropriate in school or other formal setting and in church etc. It is a rule equally applied to boys.

Exactly. OP is just wanting validation for his daughter not wanting to conform.

My DCs sixth forms both had 'business attire' dress policies.

I work in very traditional financial services. Time has moved on, that business dress is a little less formal (suits for women and ties for men no longer mandatory) but strappy tops are still a no in my circles - shoulders are fine though.

As an example, something similar to the shape of the picture below would be fine if worn with a smart skirt or trousers.

The second would not - it would be considered 'showing too much flesh' / too casual.

Dress codes exist mainly to control what women wear They are far more restrictive than they are for men, especially those which define jewellery, make up, shoe types etc.

I am not sure this is true at all. Most dress codes are more prescriptive for men than for women. And very few dress codes in practice insist on makeup, jewelry or high heeled shoes.

There are two main facts - (a) bare shoulders are not mentioned in the school's uniform policy and (b) a member of staff told the girl that bare shoulders were distracting to boys

Yes, got that.

a) How can the dress code possibly be expected to detail every permutation of dress in existence? It probably doesn’t say “no budgie smugglers” either.

b) It’s a completely rubbish justification and someone more senior needs to have a word with that member of staff.

Carry on love, let it all hang out. Maybe a thong and low slung trews while you're at it and flip flops.

At my all girls school 25 years ago we were told it was distracting to male teachers if a bra was visible through clothing. The uniform was a white shirt!

Are both of these appropriate school/work wear? If not what is the difference?

@SerenDippitty

Are both of these appropriate school/work wear? If not what is the difference?

Neither are in my opinion.

It probably doesn’t say “no budgie smugglers” either.

I was thinking about Linfords lunch box earlier. They probably aren't appropriate workwear either🤣🤣

@SerenDippitty

Are both of these appropriate school/work wear? If not what is the difference?

Neither of those options would be business attire for my workplace.

@VinylDetective

Sweatshirts and polo shirts are appropriate clothing

In your opinion.

It's appropriate clothing in a school, which is what we are discussing here. No questions about bare shoulders, and wearing the same clothing as everyone else. And far more practical than blazers.

@MulticolourMophead, do you always have such difficulty in differentiating between opinion and fact?