To feel totally overwhelmed with my weight

[Overwhelmed10]

I weighed in at 180lbs / 12.8 stone yesterday

I’m 5’6” so this gives me a bmi of around 29. I have a small frame so do not carry extra weight well.

My weight has yo-yo’d throughout my adult life - my best size where I feel healthiest is around 135lbs / 9.6stone - but this is so far away, I’m struggling to even get started with tackling my weight.

AIBU to feel really overwhelmed and hopeless? Does anyone have any words of wisdom on this? I’ve gained a significant amount of this weight over the past 12 months - I had a cancer scare which involved hospitalisation, surgery, and medication with a side effect of weight gain (but tbh I take full responsibility for the poor food choices I’ve been making!)

I’m feeling quite low and depressed about it today. I’ve purged the house of junk food this morning but that’s about it.

16:8 fasting works best for me when i stick to it. I'm half a stone heavier than you but I weighed 13st 11lbs when I started fasting. It's slowly coming off and my clothes are feeling a bit looser now. Its a good one to try as its not very restricted on what you can eat

I think feeling overwhelmed and hopeless is a stage you sometimes have to go through before tackling things head on. It doesn’t have to last long though. I’m your weight (and 5’7”) but I’ve lost 2.5 stone since February to get to this point. I did keto and then low carb and then added in intermittent fasting (using info from www.dietdoctor.com/).

You’ve been through a lot health wise so try not to be hard on yourself.

There are many group threads on here such as low carb boot camp you could join.

I’ve let things slip and so haven’t lost any for them last month or so. Have just gone back to basics to get going again.

I am 5ft6 and weigh 19st. I have no idea how to even begin - and I swear to god, any of you say "eat less move more" and I will hunt you down liam neeson style. Although that would probably burn calories...

Seriously though, the overwhelm is real. It does make me feel a bit rubbish when people at my target weight are disgusted by their size, but that's my problem not yours!

From what I can tell by watching others who clearly have their sh*t together more than me, the key is to stick at it. Whatever it is.

It can feel overwhelming but remember the only thing anyone can do is take things one day at a time. Each day you can make choices that take you towards your overall goal and even by the end of a week or a month you'll be able to say "I'm better off than I was when I started".

You will get lots of advice to follow specific diets. All diets work by restricting calories. You can work out how many calories your body needs to survive online and then manage your eating and/or so that you lose weight healthily and sustainably over time. Look up a TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) calculator online to do this.

Follow whichever way of eating you know you can commit to for most of your life in order to make it stick. No point doing keto if you are going to be desperate for bread and pasta. No point doing 16:8 if you need to be flexible with meal times. As long as you are eating less calories than you burn you will lose weight.

Best of luck!

Can you set yourself an achievable target?

No extreme diets but maybe to lose a pound every two weeks. That's 25lb a year (ignoring xmas & new year).

And then make one fundamental change to your life, like chose a walking route near your home, maybe 3 miles, and walk it every day without fail, even if you walk it before bed.

The trouble with diets is if you have a family, you're left preparing two lots of food, two lots of shopping, and it gets so dull.

I can empathize OP (although I'm both older and considerably heavier than you). All I can suggest is that you experiment and find a lifestyle (diet and exercise regime) that is suitable and sustainable for you.

I think you just have to make the decision to change then take it one day at a time.And be kind to yourself! Im the same, tried every diet known to man and nothing has worked. Until this year when i fully committed myself to it and have lost 3.5 stone since January, its okay to be overwhelmed but you've got this!

I am a similar size to you, though I have been bigger. I find breaking it down helps so you are looking at yourself thinking I have three ish stone to lose and that seems a lot and it's daunting so make your targets smaller so say

Target one: 9lbs, lose that and you are into the 11's, fantastic.

Target two, 7 lbs and you are under 11 1/2
Target three, 7lbs and you are into the 10 stone bracket etc etc, smaller targets are less daunting and achievable in a small period of time.

and I swear to god, any of you say "eat less move more" and I will hunt you down liam neeson style

😂😂 This gave me a good laugh!

My starting weight was nearly 21 stone and my GOAL weight is 12 st 11 OP, i'm half a stone away from getting there.

It's only overwhelming when you think about the overall number you want to lose. When you take it lb by lb, each lb is a victory to be celebrated.

Other ppl will have better advice for food and diet than me, but I just wanted to say please be nice to yourself. You sound like you’ve had a really tough year. You’ve been through a lot

I was similar to you but steadily loosing weight. Nothing dramatic just 1 lb a week. Switched to eating bulgar wheat and quinoa instead of pasta, rice and potato. Rye crispbread instead of bread, sometimes spread with tomato puree if dry. Soya milk on cereal and black coffee now. Still having wine on the weekend though. Doing a 30 minute walk everday. It's all slow but steady and feels like a managble way to eat/live without feeling like i am on a diet.

Take a look at intermittent fasting 16/8 or 18/6. I was also feeling very low in May when I weighed 84 kg, at 162cm this gave me a Bmi of 32.

Today I weighed in at 70kg. Still 5kg to reach a healthy Bmi but I'm on track.

I really recommend fasting. I eat normally between 12-6. Lots of salad, veg, pulses, eggs, not too much pasta, bread etc. I still eat sweet things but just not everyday.....As someone else has said, the minute you ban a food, you crave it. You have to look at what your individual calorie allowance is and try to aim a little under. If you can try and reach 10,000 steps a day it also really helps. I bought a Fitbit and I find this really motivates me. Good luck!

I am 165cm (5'5") and back in March I was about 260lb so in the same sort of range as @pepsicolagirl. I am now 192lb so still a bit heavier than you @Overwhelmed10 but still heading steadily downwards.

I totally agree with you @pepsicolagirl that being told to ELMM is a stupid piece of "advice" and anyone who tells you it deserves to be shot for the patronising attitude. That's not advice. The question is How because it is really difficult to get onto this path.

For me, the key to being able to eat less had 2 main strategies both of which were massively helped by lockdown and being furloughed.

Firstly, trying to develop positive emotional responses to the sensation of feeling a little peckish and choosing not to eat - thinking of that as the sensation of getting healthier, so feeling proud and valiant through it. Evolutionarily we are adapted to start feeling a little peckish long before we really need to eat, in order to give us the drive to go out hunting or gathering that could take a few hours to yield the food for a meal. If in a situation of affluence we sate that sensation immediately with a snack, we are over-eating.

I have had huge food issues in the past and get extremely stressed and upset (literally to the point of wanting to self-harm to relieve the mental pressure, very screwed up) in situations where I am hungry and can't eat (especially when staying with my parents as my mum would cook tiny portions and there would be no other food available for topping up if still hungry) and I associate feeling hungry with being punished, inadequate, and unloved and eating high calorie food with being valued and rewarded. Thanks mum. But I have been working on separating out "hungry" from "a bit peckish" and learned to tolerate the latter. Until I did this, I spent years where I was pretty much always "feeling full" and that was way more food than I needed.

The second strategy was to gradually reduce my body's food expectations over the course of a few weeks by only eating tiny portions, very much not a full meal's worth, but then eating again initially 2 hours later. So right at the start it might be just a small banana at 8am, but then some fry-light sauted mushrooms on a ryvita at 10am, and a mini-wrap with salad at 12noon, etc etc each item being only a few mouthfuls (tiny side-plates from Ikea helped with portion control) and has high veg content to ensure it is filling. This stage does take a lot of time, which is why lockdown and furlough really helped. So you never feel really full, but you are also never really really hungry and you never have very long to wait till you can next eat. You do not stay at this stage for long - it wouldn't be good for you (it's the complete opposite to the "fasting" strategy that others advocate). Once you are used to only eating a few mouthfuls at a time, you can gradually start to stretch out the time between eating times - move to 2h15m, then 2.5h, gradually gradually working up. With small changes, you might then up the size of the meal a little to make sure it can keep you feeling fuller for longer when the gaps between eating have stretched sufficiently, but you can get to the point then feeling OK with eating 3 times a day and feeling satisfied with those 3 times adding up to only 1200 calories or whatever target intake you decide to go for.

The other thing furlough helped with is that whenever I felt like a snack and it was still an hour before I could next eat, I went for a walk.

I'm very lucky that I had the time and space to do all this, and I am really happy that my BMI isn't in the "Covid high risk" category any more.

Good luck to you. I hope my experience is helpful to you.

I count with My Fitness Pal and lost over 3 stone since April. I still drink, eat pizza etc 1 day a week. I don't say no to anything, because if I do, I will WANT WANT NEED it. It's not even the junk in my case. I got fat on healthy food, because I eat enough of it for 2! Portions are often the problem for people.

If you don't want to diet diet, you could start by making your portions smaller. If you take quarter of what you eat away, you already make deficit and it will not feel too overwhelming. Then you also start making some healthier choices and it will all translate into loss and feeling better.

Good luck!

@pepsicolagirl

I am 5ft6 and weigh 19st. I have no idea how to even begin - and I swear to god, any of you say "eat less move more" and I will hunt you down liam neeson style. Although that would probably burn calories...

Seriously though, the overwhelm is real. It does make me feel a bit rubbish when people at my target weight are disgusted by their size, but that's my problem not yours!

From what I can tell by watching others who clearly have their sh*t together more than me, the key is to stick at it. Whatever it is.

I absolutely feel you. I know I'm fat, but at the same time I'm stunned by the number of mumsnetters who are a) 5 ft 10 ins; b) less than ten stone; c) of the opinion they're a bit porky. I want to kick them in the shins.

The most important thing to remember is that losing weight is a marathon, not a sprint if you want it to stick.

Same height as you got to 11.5 stone. Lost 2 stone in 4 months last autumn / winter and have kept it off

Hours cardio most days first thing
18 6 intermittent fasting worked for me. During week no breakfast early lunch then dinner then nothing until lunch. Cut crap snacks. Eat as you want at weekends. My new normal am 9.5 stone and feel and look so much better. Size 10 at 45! Was a 14

I think the key to losing weight successfully is finding the diet or way of eating that works for you. As a PP mentioned it needs to be something you can stick to.

Setting yourself mini goals makes things seem more achievable. I use the app Happy Scale to keep track of my weight and the app does this for you.

Oh and I eat my meals on breakfast plates. Hungry at first but my portion size now halved. Struggle to finish full portion in a pub now

Thank you for all the replies - I’m just having a read through now.

Hi OP,

I get it. At the start of lockdown I was 11st 13lbs at 5'4" - so about the same as you. I looked spherical. I wheezed when I bent down to tie my shoes or empty the washing machine. I felt so ugly and old and unfit and down on myself. But just couldn't diet.If I started a 'diet' I'd be bingeing by midday.

Instead, once the initial lockdown lifted in late June/July I took out 1k of savings and spent it all on four personal trainer sessions per week. Within two weeks I was feeling livelier, stronger and more mobile. After two weeks I started logging my food on MFP. After another two weeks I started avoiding food which felt like too many calories for the amount of satisfaction or enjoyment I got from it. I started swapping high cal treats for lower ones.

I've lost 9lbs so far - so very slow progress. But I look a lot slimmer due to muscle tone. I stand up straight when I walk now because my core is stronger. People have started complimenting me on my looks (which no one had done for years). I feel so much happier. And I'm not dieting. Yesterday I had home made pizza, wine and ice cream. The pizza was a bit smaller than big DH and teen DCs; it was loaded with fresh veg and the portion of ice cream was small. I've noticed recently I have a much healthier instinct about when I am full. Went out for dinner with DH the other day and my body just said, 'Stop!' a few mouthfuls into the main course. We asked for doggy bags and had it for dinner next night, instead of over eating because we'd paid for it.

I just did one thing at a time. The thing I knew I could manage. First - fitness sessions, then food logging, then some adjustment to what I ate. I'm still not ready to go on a 'diet' or to do fasting days or keto or anything restrictive. And might never be. I like reducing portions and upping exercise but not restricting anything.

Starting to reconnect with your body via targeted exercise could be a good start.

Firstly sorry to anyone I made feel shit by moaning about my weight - to be fair, I don’t think I look awful or gigantic, I felt okay before I stepped on the scales it’s also more the sharp upward spiral which I feel rubbish about - and some of my clothes no longer fitting.

That was me (although I am a bit shorter and was a bit heavier). Something clicked in my head one day and I thought, of course I can be slim again, it's not impossible at all. And once I had realised that, it all just became so simple. Do I want the cake (and crisps and half loaf of bread and packet of cheese...)? Yes, of course I do, they taste nice. Do I want to feel slightly sick and grossly ashamed and to wake up with indigestion and to struggle to do my trousers up and hate what I see in the mirror? No, of course I don't. Will cake and crisps and bread and cheese still be there for another day if I don't eat them today? Yes, obviously. So I will wait for another day.

I don't beat myself up if I have a splurge day, I don't weigh myself more than once a week and ideally not more than once a month, I have eradicated not one food from my diet, I don't follow other people's eating plans. When I feel hunger I pay attention to it, in some ways I welcome it- I've stopped thinking it of a horrible pain that needs assuaging immediately and ideally never being experienced at all, it's a message from my body that I need refuelling, that's all.

Well done @SparklingLime ! I find low carbing and intermittent fasting really effective too. It’s just getting into the new routine - fingers crossed once I see results it will get easier and easier

If you don't have savings to spare on yourself this is still easily possible. (though be honest about this. I can spend what I like on DC but when it comes to investing in myself usually spend nothing. I had to have a proper talk to myself about taking out money just to spend on me, but it's your health, for the rest of your life. It's a worthwhile investment.)

If you are short of money, though, it's still possible. Join four bootcamps or exercises classes a week - do at least this much so you really are going for it. One a week makes no difference. or buy 30 day Shred dvd and do that every day. Or buy a kettlebell for a few pounds and just stream free online kettlebell, HIIT body weight workouts and some yoga with Adriene every day.