To feel totally overwhelmed with my weight

[Overwhelmed10]

I weighed in at 180lbs / 12.8 stone yesterday

I’m 5’6” so this gives me a bmi of around 29. I have a small frame so do not carry extra weight well.

My weight has yo-yo’d throughout my adult life - my best size where I feel healthiest is around 135lbs / 9.6stone - but this is so far away, I’m struggling to even get started with tackling my weight.

AIBU to feel really overwhelmed and hopeless? Does anyone have any words of wisdom on this? I’ve gained a significant amount of this weight over the past 12 months - I had a cancer scare which involved hospitalisation, surgery, and medication with a side effect of weight gain (but tbh I take full responsibility for the poor food choices I’ve been making!)

I’m feeling quite low and depressed about it today. I’ve purged the house of junk food this morning but that’s about it.

And on the carbs...going low carb is effective but very hard (because carbs are so delicious and comforting). My advice is pick your poison and keep it to one meal a day (preferably early in the day). I, like a pp, can’t contemplate a life without bread but can pretty much give up pasta, potatoes and rice without feeling too deprived. So I have lovely sourdough once a day.

I think that advice is fair. That’s why I tend to say pick your poison and find a Keto version

I was 18.9 at 5’3 and I’m now still unfortunately 5’3 haven’t worked out how to grow. I am 11.8 weight watchers, running and a scary neurologist. It’s achievable and it doesn’t take long for you to be in good habits. I occasionally fall off the wagon, But getting straight back on, I also like cycling. It’s just getting yourself in that I can do it frame of mind. Be stronger than the voice in your head thy says eat the extra hobnob lol

@KihoBebiluPute

I am 165cm (5'5") and back in March I was about 260lb so in the same sort of range as *@pepsicolagirl*. I am now 192lb so still a bit heavier than you *@Overwhelmed10* but still heading steadily downwards.

I totally agree with you @pepsicolagirl that being told to ELMM is a stupid piece of "advice" and anyone who tells you it deserves to be shot for the patronising attitude. That's not advice. The question is How because it is really difficult to get onto this path.

For me, the key to being able to eat less had 2 main strategies both of which were massively helped by lockdown and being furloughed.

Firstly, trying to develop positive emotional responses to the sensation of feeling a little peckish and choosing not to eat - thinking of that as the sensation of getting healthier, so feeling proud and valiant through it. Evolutionarily we are adapted to start feeling a little peckish long before we really need to eat, in order to give us the drive to go out hunting or gathering that could take a few hours to yield the food for a meal. If in a situation of affluence we sate that sensation immediately with a snack, we are over-eating.

I have had huge food issues in the past and get extremely stressed and upset (literally to the point of wanting to self-harm to relieve the mental pressure, very screwed up) in situations where I am hungry and can't eat (especially when staying with my parents as my mum would cook tiny portions and there would be no other food available for topping up if still hungry) and I associate feeling hungry with being punished, inadequate, and unloved and eating high calorie food with being valued and rewarded. Thanks mum. But I have been working on separating out "hungry" from "a bit peckish" and learned to tolerate the latter. Until I did this, I spent years where I was pretty much always "feeling full" and that was way more food than I needed.

The second strategy was to gradually reduce my body's food expectations over the course of a few weeks by only eating tiny portions, very much not a full meal's worth, but then eating again initially 2 hours later. So right at the start it might be just a small banana at 8am, but then some fry-light sauted mushrooms on a ryvita at 10am, and a mini-wrap with salad at 12noon, etc etc each item being only a few mouthfuls (tiny side-plates from Ikea helped with portion control) and has high veg content to ensure it is filling. This stage does take a lot of time, which is why lockdown and furlough really helped. So you never feel really full, but you are also never really really hungry and you never have very long to wait till you can next eat. You do not stay at this stage for long - it wouldn't be good for you (it's the complete opposite to the "fasting" strategy that others advocate). Once you are used to only eating a few mouthfuls at a time, you can gradually start to stretch out the time between eating times - move to 2h15m, then 2.5h, gradually gradually working up. With small changes, you might then up the size of the meal a little to make sure it can keep you feeling fuller for longer when the gaps between eating have stretched sufficiently, but you can get to the point then feeling OK with eating 3 times a day and feeling satisfied with those 3 times adding up to only 1200 calories or whatever target intake you decide to go for.

The other thing furlough helped with is that whenever I felt like a snack and it was still an hour before I could next eat, I went for a walk.

I'm very lucky that I had the time and space to do all this, and I am really happy that my BMI isn't in the "Covid high risk" category any more.

Good luck to you. I hope my experience is helpful to you.

Thank you for sharing, that IS actually really helpful! I am glad you aren't in the at risk category too!

@justanotherneighinparadise yes, but other than the wiki page on the diet developed for people with epilepsy all I can find is promotions of a particular diet- the exact thing that does not work for me! Thank you though :)

@unmarkedbythat

The best way to ease into fasting is to make sure you’re already fat adapted and in Ketosis then you naturally fast without consciously trying.

When I try to find a good explanation of 'fat adapted' all that comes up is sites promoting Keto; is there anywhere I can get a less biased summary of what it actually means?

Keto just means getting your body into a fat burning mode - ketosis.

When you don't give your body carbohydrates, it has to use stored fat for energy and ketones are what it produces to break down the fat and use it as energy.

This is a perfectly natural (desirable actually) state for the body. Fasting will help you achieve ketosis as we burn up all our glycogen stores pretty quickly (4-5 hours not exercising) and then the body has to go into ketosis.

'Keto diets' have a bad rep because they have been commercialised to a certain extent, but there is no denying that a 'keto diet' is based on science to force your body into the very natural and healthy ketosis state. Most people on a standard diet never let their body get into ketosis and that is where many health issue lie - obesity, T2 diabetes, hypertension etc. All the metabolic diseases are as a result of not having flexibility in your metabolism - being able to burn glucose AND fat for your energy (most people can only burn glucose).

It is estimated that 85% of people are not metabolically healthy. A health disaster!

Anyway, don't be put off by 'keto diets' per se. Understand the science and why you would want to achieve ketosis.

Hey lovely.

Would you consider trying a veggie or vegan diet? Even for part of the week, say weekdays no meat or dairy?

You'll drop weight easily and it will change your tastes. It also makes takeaways and fast food more tricky which is an added bonus.

Some good meal ideas are:

• Pasta with a nice homemade tomato and garlic sauce
• chickpea or lentil curry with rice
• chickpea/tofu/fake chicken fajitas (minus cheese and other dairy)
• soup with a roll
• grilled veg couscous
• jacket potatoes with beans
• potato tray bake with veggies and veggie sausages.

Have you tried unsweetened soy milk? It's lovely in tea.

You don't need to go extreme. Just cut down on meat and dairy. Dairy especially is awful for weight gain and health so reducing it will likely have a very quick effect.

There are loads of good YouTubers who show vegan meal ideas that are still very delicious. And you'll not go hungry. All the best! x

My advice to anyone in this situation is set aside some time where you don't have meals/trips booked. Concentrate on myfitness pal - record everything you eat and drink. Set it up to lose 7lbs, Drink 2 litres of water a day. Re-evaluate once you have achieved that.

justanotherneigh if you can happily stick to keto then that’s fantastic. But sustainability is key and for most people if you put them on a wagon, inevitably they will fall off sooner or later and feel like they have failed...leading to the all or nothing ‘fuck it, may as well eat the whole packet of biscuits’ mentality . Yo yo ing is not a happy state to be in. For me, allowing all foods is preferable and more empowering when you choose, multiple times a day, what to give your body, with a view to treating it well and with respect, at any size. Basically eat and exercise the way you imagine you would if you already have your perfect body (because don’t make the mistake of thinking that it suddenly takes care of itself at some magical weight )

If you want quick results to get you motivated to carry on, I find 5:2 fasting works really well. The first couple of fast days are really, really hard - I find I have to keep really busy and out of the house / no access to food as much as possible. But then you weigh yourself on the Friday (or whenever) and you've lost 4-5lb so it makes it feel SO worth it By about week 3 you don't even feel that hungry on fast days, just really energetic and focused. I was 11st 10 when I started about 6 weeks after having my youngest and by the summer I was 9st and stayed there for ageskl. I stuck roughly to slimming world on my non-fast days but had the odd takeaway or meal out, and a couple of glasses of wine at the weekend. Didn't feel like months of dieting at all. I'm now pregnant again and its all creeping back on, but at least I know how to get rid again!

@Binny36 I find I still lose weight if I have milk in tea or coffee yes. I eat my first meal around 1pm and eat dinner around normal time with family around 6ish so I guess my fasting period is longer than what you're supposed to do but my meal is always substantial so I don't feel hungry after and I work during the day so find I can easily get through till 1pm on a couple of hot drinks and distraction. I have a big lunch and then I'm OK until dinner

I totally empathise OP (and I started at a considerably heavier weight than you) I've lost four stone since lockdown started. I started honestly because I was shit scared of getting covid (my bmi was 42) and I remember that overwhelming feeling all to well but Im now in a much better position.

Being the weight you are right now would be a joy for me (and im also shorter than you) but I don't want to downplay how you feel as its all relative and if you aren't happy. Take it from me, the only way to get rid of the overwhelm and to feel like you have taken back some power is to start doing something about it

My fitness pal app is great!! I was 12st 4lb a few weeks back (I’m 5ft 7). I’ve been really being careful with what I eat, using new hairy bikers diet recipes and doing a little bit more exercise. I’ve really enjoyed the food - having to think about it means I’ve really picked things I like with the right number of calories. I’m now 11st 9lb and still going down...

@hamstersarse, thank you :)

You need to analyse your eating patterns and what you are putting into your mouth.
Most grown women do not need to eat 2000 calories per day, particularly if 75% consists of "empty" calories like "snacks". You also need to look at how much water you drink, a lot of people eat when they really need to have a drink of water.
Have a look at the TDEE values for your weight and height, much better indication of what you need compared to the energy you expend.
Also look at the nutritional density of what you are eating. This means the vitamins, minerals, fibre, protein of your food.
And finally, look at how you eat.
Do you wolf down "sludge", so stuff that does not need to be chewed much? The chewing process kicks off your digestion process. The knock-on effect is that the more you need to chew food, the sooner you feel full and the better you use what you have eaten because you have already started the digestive process correctly.
You probably already know that highly-processed things like biscuits, crisps, chocolate bars etc. should not really form part of a healthy diet.

From what I can tell by watching others who clearly have their sht together more than me, the key is to stick at it. Whatever it is.*

This can't be overstated, I think! Most diets/'ways of eating'/'lifestyle changes' can make you lose weight if you can stick to them long-term. Problem is, hardly anybody actually can. So it's got to be better to make small, manageable changes and pick a method which impinges on your willpower/social life/effort threshold as little as possible.

So for me, calorie counting is out (too boring), as is cutting out whole food groups (too restrictive, itvworks but I know won't stick to it for long). I'm finding it better to focus on what I actually plan to eat, not what I plan not to eat.

Planning on a routine of unsweetened muesli or fruit for breakfast, big salad for lunch (with pulses as bulk, rather than bread etc). Whatever I want for dinner, but with lots of veg as and keeping carbs and fat to small amounts. Piece of fruit at my snack witching hour (4pm).

Do you wolf down "sludge", so stuff that does not need to be chewed much? The chewing process kicks off your digestion process. The knock-on effect is that the more you need to chew food, the sooner you feel full and the better you use what you have eaten because you have already started the digestive process correctly.

This is interesting. I'm a ridiculously fast eater!

I get you op , I lost two stone over about 8 months and at first i just didn’t know where to start , even tho I obviously did but it’s hard to break old habits ,

So I’d say just start ! Cut back a bit rather than dive straight into some hard to maintain diet .

It’s not a popular opinion but I really did just lose it by eating less . Making better decisions with what I was eating to make sure I was full but eating the right stuff .

However prior to this I was eating to much crap and drinking to much beer so it was easy for me to see where I was going wrong

I think the key is not to be too focused on the end goal. Make your aim to lose 1/2lbs (or whatever) per week, and make sure you hit that, the rest will come.
(I'm very bad at practising what I preach, as I lost 10kg recently and have put it all back on.... starting again now!).

Meant to add as well just stick with it , youl get to maybe 3-4 weeks in and start to notice a difference and once you start to lose the weight it really spurs you on . The first few weeks are the hardest when you can really see a change

I think that diet is a very individual thing. I am slightly obsessed with health and diet podcasts and I heard something very interesting yesterday. The worse performing diets are the ‘mixed diets’ ie where you say ‘everything in moderation’. The most effective are the ones that say, only low carbs, only meat free etc. I think that’s because our body craves variety which makes sense from an evolutionary stand point. If we were nomadic people we would move across the land and forage different foods as we went. We would know that only eating berries for example would make that diet potentially less advantageous nutritionally than eating berries, then hunting an animal and eating the flesh, tracking down some cruciferous plants etc. So when we are sitting in front of a buffet we are always going to eat more than if we were offered a smaller choice.

Cant* see a change I meant

You might find this a load of tosh but it helps me.

In yoga there's a concept called "sankalpa" it's a bit like setting resolutions or intentions but it encourages you to reframe them. So instead of thinking "I'm fat, I need to stop eating chocolate ." "I hate my body, I'll eat some crisps to cheer myself up"

You might think - I eat these items when I'm sad or stressed so I'll try to observe these feelings when they arise and let them pass rather than eat fatty food. Or you could think, I will honour my incredible strong body which has helped me through sickness and pain and treat it kindly.

It's all about it being an intention so you speak with more kindness yourself rather than constantly berate yourself for things you should or shouldn't do.

I put on a LOT of weight pregnant and I was so miserable. I've tried to centre my meals around goodness and vitamins rather than constantly depriving myself.

I signed up to the Second Nature programme and found it very useful. It breaks your total weight loss goal into percentage increments over three months and there are really good articles each day to help keep you going. You also get a virtual group chat and that was nice, everyone shared recipes and generally kept each other going.

The premise of the recipes is clean eating basically and I found it really easy to do. The hardest bit was kicking sugar.

Not tosh at all, doadeer. I'm sure it makes sense psychologically to re-frame a diet as eating good food to nourish your body, rather than depriving yourself of 'bad' food.