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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel totally overwhelmed with my weight

198 replies

Overwhelmed10 · 15/09/2020 08:44

I weighed in at 180lbs / 12.8 stone yesterday Sad

I’m 5’6” so this gives me a bmi of around 29. I have a small frame so do not carry extra weight well.

My weight has yo-yo’d throughout my adult life - my best size where I feel healthiest is around 135lbs / 9.6stone - but this is so far away, I’m struggling to even get started with tackling my weight.

AIBU to feel really overwhelmed and hopeless? Does anyone have any words of wisdom on this? I’ve gained a significant amount of this weight over the past 12 months - I had a cancer scare which involved hospitalisation, surgery, and medication with a side effect of weight gain (but tbh I take full responsibility for the poor food choices I’ve been making!)

I’m feeling quite low and depressed about it today. I’ve purged the house of junk food this morning but that’s about it.

OP posts:
doadeer · 15/09/2020 11:26

@lazylinguist

Not tosh at all, doadeer. I'm sure it makes sense psychologically to re-frame a diet as eating good food to nourish your body, rather than depriving yourself of 'bad' food.
Yes I think for most of us eating is a highly emotive experience. I like to think in terms of nourishment rather than deprivation.
iswhois · 15/09/2020 11:29

I weigh the same as you OP but my height puts me in the obese range.

I feel good about it though as a month ago I was 13st. 9.

I am doing 1200 calories a day, allowing myself a couple of treats (bottle of wine, takeaway) a week and losing about 1lb a week at the moment.

Once the weight begins to come off you feel so much better and a lot more motivated. It took about 5 months for me to gather the motivation to actually start losing weight so I know how you feel.

AgainstAllOdds1 · 15/09/2020 11:29

Tomorrow is a new day, start tomorrow and I mean really start tomorrow. Its about positivity and getting in the right mind set. Dont take your eyes of the scales, either choose daily or weekly weigh ins , remembering there can be fluctuations through the day etc. You can do this, when you see the first pound/s drop off itll make you more determined.

My story-

I was always slim but stopped weighing myself and the weight slowly went on. I kind of buried my head in the sand until I had a lightbulb moment last summer- none if my clothes fitted and those that did had stretchy waistband. My size 10s were really a size 16. I braved the scales and was shocked at what I saw- 13st 4lb at 5ft9. I said to myself this stops now, and it did. I decided to go for a low calorie diet (

unmarkedbythat · 15/09/2020 11:36

. The worse performing diets are the ‘mixed diets’ ie where you say ‘everything in moderation’. The most effective are the ones that say, only low carbs, only meat free etc.

Interesting- are they talking long or short term, because I've found exactly the opposite! If I want to crash diet and lose a shedload fast then yes, the cut out diets work best, but if I want to achieve a weight and stick with it long term, the moderation one is the way to go for me.

Porcupineinwaiting · 15/09/2020 11:41

Moderation is the only one that works for me too. The more extreme ones are great for losing weight fast but it just doesn't last. After years of trying this and that I'm now in the process of breaking the cycle and trying to find something I can live with, as effortlessly as possible, long term.

Bbang · 15/09/2020 11:42

Calorie counting is the only thing that realistically I could do that was sustainable and easy for me, not only easy to do but easy to understand also.

I stick to 1500 calories a day and do 15k steps and the weight fell off me. I eased myself into it and did 5k steps per day at first then worked my way up to 15k.

I mainly weigh things but I’m not super critical with it so I won’t bother weighing salad it I’ll weigh the salmon fillet etc. Also I don’t do cheat days as I find they derail my whole week I prefer to just have a leaner breakfast and lunch and work a takeaway or meal out into my calories.

hamstersarse · 15/09/2020 11:43

@unmarkedbythat

. The worse performing diets are the ‘mixed diets’ ie where you say ‘everything in moderation’. The most effective are the ones that say, only low carbs, only meat free etc.

Interesting- are they talking long or short term, because I've found exactly the opposite! If I want to crash diet and lose a shedload fast then yes, the cut out diets work best, but if I want to achieve a weight and stick with it long term, the moderation one is the way to go for me.

My view on this is that if you follow a 'rule' then it becomes your lifestyle and so will work long term, whereas 'everything in moderation' has the opportunity to be flexed as and when we feel like it

My rule is no ultra processed high carbohydrate food. That's it. I don't find this restrictive because I know it is bad for my health and overall lifestyle. It's easy and has very clear boundaries that can't be subjected to an 'in the moment' decision to have just one biscuit. I don't eat biscuits. Like an alcoholic doesn't have 'one drink'

TeaAndHobnob · 15/09/2020 11:47

Portion size is the one thing that really made a difference to me.

I binned our big dinner plates and bought smaller ones and started weighing out the right amount of rice etc for dinner. After a while you can do it by eye but initially scales are really useful to get you used to how a normal portion of anything looks.

Also get used to being a bit hungry. Like PP upthread that's something you have to work on. It's doesn't have to be scary, you're not going to die if you don't eat immediately but I had a big emotional reaction to that peckish feeling that made it hard to resist food.

Viviennemary · 15/09/2020 11:49

I hate the eat less move more brigade. Not eating after evening meal works for me too. Also cutting right down on bread.

NerrSnerr · 15/09/2020 11:52

I completely agree with doing what's best for you. I calorie count, it works best for me as I get stressed if I have to cut out certain things. Keto doesn't work for me, I love pasta too much and I don't want to give it up. I do have some lower carb days though. I also don't enjoy fasting.

I'm not perfect and have good days, bad days, good months and bad months but I'm trying to change my lifestyle. Eat better, exercise more and try and be sustainable long term.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 15/09/2020 11:55

You can hate "eat less, move more" people but in the end of the day, that is what works for everyone.

It's just that everyone gets there through a different method depending on their situation, emotions and mindset.

justanotherneighinparadise · 15/09/2020 11:57

@unmarkedbythat

. The worse performing diets are the ‘mixed diets’ ie where you say ‘everything in moderation’. The most effective are the ones that say, only low carbs, only meat free etc.

Interesting- are they talking long or short term, because I've found exactly the opposite! If I want to crash diet and lose a shedload fast then yes, the cut out diets work best, but if I want to achieve a weight and stick with it long term, the moderation one is the way to go for me.

I’m not sure. I guess saying short term would make sense as you are right in saying that a lot of people find sticking to more rigid diets long term unsustainable unless there’s a larger goal than weight loss. For me I can’t go back to eating a standard western diet as I have health goals that supersede weight goals. For a vegan they are mainly following the diet for moral reasons or again health reasons
hamstersarse · 15/09/2020 12:01

@SchrodingersImmigrant

You can hate "eat less, move more" people but in the end of the day, that is what works for everyone.

It's just that everyone gets there through a different method depending on their situation, emotions and mindset.

But it isn't actually true.

People do not universally lose weight by eating less. It really depends on what you are eating in your calories and your metabolic health, including things like your gut microbiome.

And as for moving more, I have run multiple marathons and put on weight each time. Exercise does not make you lose weight. It has an amazing impact on your wellbeing, but is not a weight loss tool other than it motivates you to look after your body when you realise how unfit you are!

zoemum2006 · 15/09/2020 12:03

Year ago I had a higher BMI than you and I got to goal with Weight Watchers.

I put some back on and then got back to goal with Slimming World.

Both have their plus/ minuses but slimming groups can be really helpful and supportive for some people.

Getting your half stone and 10% awards can be really motivating too (setting yourself a 3+ stone goal is demoralising).

Good luck! You can do this! You just have to find the system that works for you.

Hangingbasketofdoom · 15/09/2020 12:04

Getting my bmi to 29 is my goal Blush

zoemum2006 · 15/09/2020 12:05

Sorry that was supposed to say 'years ago'.

Just to say the trick for me was going cold turkey on processed sugar. I can't moderate: I have to say no to all of it.

Porcupineinwaiting · 15/09/2020 12:13

@hamstersarse it does work if you understand that eating less" means less calories, and "moving more" means burning more calories through exercise. At the end if the day it's a some energy budget - if you put in more than you burn then you gain weight.

nitsandwormsdodger · 15/09/2020 12:14

Get up 5 mins earlier ( or do more prep night before ie wash hair etc ) and do a 5 min u tube work out ( yes they do exist)
I don't like jumping around so do better barre or stretched
Then you have started you day off well
The slimming clubs have helped be in bits at times
Best of luck

FlamedToACrisp · 15/09/2020 12:17

@pepsicolagirl - I guess the first step is to become dietpepsicolagirl ?

dryoldparty · 15/09/2020 12:17

I feel you OP, it is overwhelming. I was 12st11 when I joined slimming world 6 weeks ago, I had my second child in the spring. I'm 12st2 now, so that is 9lbs down in 6 weeks. I haven't moved any more than I previously did, I'm eating a healthier diet but not restricting my food, and I'm feeling with every lb lost that my target is obtainable.

I know SW works - I lost 2.5 stone in a year after my DS1 was born, so I trust the plan completely.

lazylinguist · 15/09/2020 12:19

My view on this is that if you follow a 'rule' then it becomes your lifestyle and so will work long term

I wish that were true, but the stats don't bear it out at all. Over 90% of people fail to make their diet rules into a long-term lifestyle. Most women on this board (including me) have probably tried and failed at umpteen rules.

pepsicolagirl · 15/09/2020 12:22

[quote FlamedToACrisp]@pepsicolagirl - I guess the first step is to become dietpepsicolagirl ?[/quote]
I see what you did there

trilbydoll · 15/09/2020 12:24

You have to be mentally in the right place. None of my clothes fitted a month ago so it seemed to give me the kick start I needed. I'm calorie counting and avoiding carbs as they're an inefficient use of calories Wink but if I want a square of dark chocolate, fine. Anything more complicated is just too much for me to cope with.

lazylinguist · 15/09/2020 12:25

it does work if you understand that eating less" means less calories, and "moving more" means burning more calories through exercise.

Yep, everybody knows what it means. It's a supremely unhelpful instruction though. It takes an unrealistic and impractical (for most people) amount of exercise to make much difference to your weight. And if just 'eating fewer calories' were easy, then everybody would be doing it, wouldn't they?

malloryknox47 · 15/09/2020 12:25

Following with interest. I am a similar weight and and very unhappy. I got down to 10st at one point and felt so much happier in myself.

Not rtft but have you tried slimming world?