To feel totally overwhelmed with my weight

[Overwhelmed10]

I weighed in at 180lbs / 12.8 stone yesterday

I’m 5’6” so this gives me a bmi of around 29. I have a small frame so do not carry extra weight well.

My weight has yo-yo’d throughout my adult life - my best size where I feel healthiest is around 135lbs / 9.6stone - but this is so far away, I’m struggling to even get started with tackling my weight.

AIBU to feel really overwhelmed and hopeless? Does anyone have any words of wisdom on this? I’ve gained a significant amount of this weight over the past 12 months - I had a cancer scare which involved hospitalisation, surgery, and medication with a side effect of weight gain (but tbh I take full responsibility for the poor food choices I’ve been making!)

I’m feeling quite low and depressed about it today. I’ve purged the house of junk food this morning but that’s about it.

Eat less works. Smaller portions, less refined carbs. Exercise helps a bit but too much makes you hungry. I swim every day but since lockdown have lost weight when the pools were shut as I wasn't as hungry. So I'm cutting the swim time down.
Cutting out carbs completely just doesn't work for me. Eat what you like but way less of it. I have PCOS so its a pita to lose weight anyway and I get fat just by looking at lots of food.

The best thing to do is just make a start. Go for walks, have healthier snacks. I bought a Fitbit and started recording my food on MyFitnessPal. Both of those have a competitive element to them as you can add friends, and I found that the Fitbit in particular made me really want to exercise more and more.

I am actually in another rut at the moment due to lots of things but mostly covid - so I am hopefully going to drag myself out of it!

Hello OP. I've been on another weight loss thread all through lockdown, so they jump out at me. I echo the advice here about slow and sustainable weight loss through small and sustainable changes. This is what has worked for me:

1. stop drinking booze (OK, that was quite a big change for me, but it underpins everything else -better sleep, more energy for exercise and more interesting projects than thinking about food, calories saved, more efficient burning of calories consumed)
2. drink lots of water
3. 16:8 or an approximation of it works well for me. Delay your breakfast until after you've done your chores/exercise/first couple of hours of work and try and finish eating by 7.30pm. I aim for 11am - 7pm and I sort of get there.
4. Find exercise you like and that makes you feel good. For me that's walking (6k a day), undemanding cycling, lots of home ballet barre and pilates. I have to stretch and take care of my feet, hips and hamstrings, so high impact stuff doesn't work for me.
5. Preparing two lots of meals sucks. I can't do strict regimes like low-carb or 5:2 as I can't stick to them. And I won't lose weight on a regime I can't stick to. I eat the same as my family, but I've upped the veg. So I fill half the plate with broccoli, cabbage, green salad, whatever veg I've prepared, and only then add the proteins and carbs. I visit the veg dishes for seconds, not the rest of it. If you don't think you can keep away from seconds of everything, make less! Or cut out a serving for tomorrow's lunch, or to put in the freezer for another day - just get it out of your sight.
6. Find ways to treat yourself that don't involve food. Food is delicious fuel, it's not a consolation for a bad day/celebration of good news/reward for good behaviour. Change your thinking if this is how you think. I find spending time on my wardrobe is good - especially as I lose weight and my clothes fit better (or again!). I experiment with new combinations that make me feel good, and because my existing clothes aren't negging me by being too tight, I'm not tempted to buy new. In fact, I've decluttered (which also makes me feel lighter!). Or buy a new book and read it. Whatever works for you. Just don't make it food.
7. Joe Wicks says, 'Don't let a bad eating day turn into a bad week.' You've never blown it after just one day, just get back on track.

I've managed to lose 7kg like this, which has made a lot of difference to how I look and feel. I could stand to lose another couple, but I'm happy to get there slowly. Good luck!

I agree with the pp. Intermittent fasting works. Plus get moving. It’s a myth that skipping a meal is bad for you. It’s easy to do. Just eat dinner around 6 and then next meal next day at 11am or 12. And then you can only eat in that small window. But obviously don’t binge eat. But you can eat until you are full and satisfied. Include healthy options and get moving. Aim to walk more. Do a jog. Anything that gets you moving. I’ve gained 23-25 kilos 3 times in my life (each time pregnant) and then had to lose it. I didn’t do any crazy dieting and it came off slowly. But after a year for each child the weight was gone and the main thing I did was walking. It probably helps I don’t eat Too much junk food. I don’t snack much. But I eat big portions at meal times.

And if just 'eating fewer calories' were easy, then everybody would be doing it, wouldn't they?

No one is saying it's easy, though. Because it isn't easy to break habits.

Re the exercise. You cannot outrun your fork, however exercise helps in number of ways. 1-you burn some. It's not much at all, but it's something. 2- it helps mentally and that's where it REALLY counts.

The only problem with "eat less, move more" is that people just refuse to accept that no one with half a brain is saying it's easy (simple concept and easy are NOT the same) and that no one is saying exercise itself will make you lose weight through calorie burning🤷🏻

As I said. In the end everyone arrives to it just through different paths.

lazylinguist totally agree, although I do think it is possible to change habits gradually so that you just don’t bother eating certain things and don’t even want to after a certain point. Things that don’t provide desirable nutrition and no longer feel like an treat’ or worth eating. Examples being biscuits, fizzy drinks, breakfast cereals, even meat and dairy...

Hi op I'm 5'6 and at the start of june weighed 13 stone 9, right now I weigh 12 stone 4 so I am proof that you can do this. My goal is around 10 stone 10 as that's a small size 10 for me.
One important thing for me is to remember it's not a race, I'm taking my time and really enjoying it. I joined some free calorie counting groups on Facebook where I've got loads of advice and support
If you use a tdee calculator to work out you daily cal burn then subtract 500 this will be the calorie goal for the day to lose 1lb per week. Download myfitnesspal or nutracheck and start weighing your food. You dont have to cut anything out at all just eat within your calorie goal (just reducing my carb portions has changed my life!). Track everything!
I also do 3 or 4 HIIT classes on you tube per week and target 10000 steps. After about 3 weeks the weight will be dropping off you and you will feel amazing. If you want more info message me :)

Oh and if you want to increase exercise, the Our Parks Couch to fitness programme is great.

Same concept as C25K but instead of jogging it's 3 sessions a week made up of cardio, core and Glutes. Starts with lower intensity and longer rest breaks and gets harder as you progress through the weeks.

I prefer it to c25K as I don't need to leave my living room and find trying to run in public incredibly humiliating.

I totally get the feeling of being overwhelmed by your weight. And overwhelmed by the sheer number of diets/approaches. I sometimes feel I have various diets etc swirling around in my brain constantly.

And I am so freaking tired of it. I’m 56. Have been dieting in and off for 30 years. Am bigger than I ever was. Am obese. Probably just over 16 stone at the moment.

I have tried everything. They all work. For a while. Even for quite a long time. But then I revert to normal. Eating too much bread. Drinking too much. Not exercising. I feel frustrated and a constant failure. So I say sod it and have another glass of wine. And a packet of crisps.

I’m seeing a counsellor and we have talked about it all quite a bit. She says it sounds exhausting. And it is. Totally exhausting. The guilt. The shame. The humiliation. The depression. I am so so tired of it all.

Every suggestion that has been made on here I have tried. I never last.

Part of it is I feel I need to be perfect and stick to it rigidly. Which isn’t sustainable. I set myself unrealistic targets. I feel panicky and that I need to lose so much and I need to lose it quickly.

The most successful I have been in recent years is WW about 8 years ago and calorie counting two years ago. I’ve tried WW a couple of times since but can’t get into it mentally.

I also get frustrated with menu planning for family meals as DS is quite fussy and we end up eating the same meals on repeat or cooking two different meals. But I have a plan!

DS goes to uni on Thursday so I’m going to start calorie counting again. I have every diet book known. I have Hairy Dieters, Pinch of Nom, WW, SW and more. So our plan is to pick a book a week and DH and I will each pick meals from it to cook. I’m hoping the variety will keep us interested. Having healthy tasty meals which are calorie counted and I can keep track of easily should hopefully help me stick to it. And I can still have the odd glass of wine etc.

I also have The Obesity Code and will read it and introduce intermittent fasting.

Exercise wise I am going to start with a walk every morning. Trying not to put too much pressure on. A couple of years ago I was walking 10 km a day. I’d like to be able to do that again but not every day. Maybe once or twice a week.

Sorry that was a bit of a stream of consciousness!

Just to say that I am too feeling very overwhelmed. I was on track with losing weight this year, and I found it easier during the lockdown. Now with life, school and work back on full throttle, I am struggling to stick to anything, and eating crap again. I don't want to undo all of my hard work from the first half of the year. I was at my best in May, but lbs are creeping back on.

OP I want to start by giving you a hug because I know that feeling of hopelessness all too well. I gained a lot of weight just before starting uni (following a car accident which caused me a lot of stress which then led to binge eating), tried to lose it by setting ridiculously unattainable goals, crash dieting and I can say the "tough love" approach really didn't work for me. Eventually lost the weight very gradually through lots of walking, and not many diet changes. However fast forward a few years and following removal of half my thyroid resulting in hypothyroidism, pregnancy and breastfeeding, and stress/boredom-related binging on sugar/refined carbs I've put weight on again.

I was walking loads during lockdown but this time the weight didn't shift, I assume because my metabolism isn't what it was 10 years ago. What has worked for me is low-carbing - I find it easy to follow and not too restrictive because I can eat whenever I'm hungry, just as long as it's low-carb. Within two weeks I noticed my stomach was much flatter and less bloated, and I generally felt lighter and more comfortable in my clothes. And it really helped regulate my appetite, I didn't feel the need to constantly snack like I did before.

Unfortunately a cheat day led to me going off track (went a bit mad with Eat Out to Help Out 😬) so I'm currently easing myself back into a low carb way of eating and considering trying IF too.

Sorry for rambling but I guess what I want to say is a) from my experience low carb works pretty well and b) be kind to yourself and whatever approach you decide to take don't beat yourself up if you have a weak moment or a bad day, we all have them.

I’ve gone from12stone 6lbs to currently 10stone 5 lbs. it’s not easy but it is possible.

Sort your diet out, fewer carbs, more veggies. Join a gym or go for a good length daily walk. You need action, not chat. It’s not easy, if it was easy everyone would be slim.

I just read an interesting book that says it’s all about nutrition. Basically, cut out bread, sugar, fruit juice and anything with trans fats in it - ie, vegetable oil/marge and anything heavily processed and artificial. Eat loads of green leafy veg, fish, seafood, meat (esp if grass-fed), full-fat dairy, olive oil, dark chocolate, root veg. Alcohol is fine but not with sugary or artificial mixers. You don’t need to count calories, just focus on cutting out wheat, sugar and trans fats. Apparently it takes a while for your body to adjust but gradually your body’s natural weight set point will decrease.

[quote Porcupineinwaiting]@hamstersarse it does work if you understand that eating less" means less calories, and "moving more" means burning more calories through exercise. At the end if the day it's a some energy budget - if you put in more than you burn then you gain weight.[/quote]
The body is not a combustion engine with a carefully balanced process for energy in and energy out. It is regulated by hormones and a basic survival mode that makes alsorts of shifts to maximise it's functions.

I'll try and give an explanation of this as it is much more like balancing your monthly budget than it is the combustion engine.

Say you have £1000 a month available, what you don't do is blow it all in the first week and have no money left over. The body does the same when it is balancing the budget of it's calories.

It has some pretty sophisticated mechanisms to deal with the energy you put in. (This is why macros matter but can save that for another time). At a very basic level, if you start to cut your calories down to say 1000 a day, it will start to be clever about how it uses those calories (using hormones) so it won't just continue with this static 'calories out' type of approach, it will start using less calories for basic functions. So it may put less energy (calories) into growing your hair, keeping you warm, powering your brain. Hence why if you go VERY low calorie, you will lose your hair, be cold and have brain fog.

So it is not a static thing, calories out does not equate to a straight line, every day the same, it is constantly shifting according to what we are eating and when. Even with exercise it does the same which is why you will hear many cries of "I've been running for 2 months and not lost any weight". The body doesn't have a fixed amount of calories out in the way in which people imagine it, it really isn't the case that 'go for a run and burn calories' is a thing, it is much more that the body will adjust and this is why so many people say to ignore the 'calories burned' on all the exercise apps. It simply does not equate to this made up calculation of calories in : calories out, the body is readjusting and recalculating on how much energy it will use for what function all the time.

Hence why you will feel shit on a very low calorie diet in the long run - you are depriving it of energy for basic functions and it is unsustainable. Hence why 90% of diets fail as they are based around calorie counting.

Noom works for me and there's a uk Facebook support group.

I would highly recommend looking into carb addiction. If you can beat that, it is way easier to cut calories or do intermittent fasting, because you no longer crave high sugar/carby foods.
Look up Zoe Harcombe. She addresses food craving brilliantly.

@hamstersarse I’ll add to that by saying that’s its been proven that intermittent fasting
does not cause your metabolism to slow down. It’s a great tool and keeps your fires burning. Add some strength training and low carb/Keto and you’ve got a fat burning machine.

@TooExtraImmatureCheddar

I just read an interesting book that says it’s all about nutrition. Basically, cut out bread, sugar, fruit juice and anything with trans fats in it - ie, vegetable oil/marge and anything heavily processed and artificial. Eat loads of green leafy veg, fish, seafood, meat (esp if grass-fed), full-fat dairy, olive oil, dark chocolate, root veg. Alcohol is fine but not with sugary or artificial mixers. You don’t need to count calories, just focus on cutting out wheat, sugar and trans fats. Apparently it takes a while for your body to adjust but gradually your body’s natural weight set point will decrease.

What is the book @TooExtraImmatureCheddar.

Sounds interesting. I have a bit of a theory that food cravings are not necessarily for the sugary fatty things we think we are craving but the body craving nutrition.

I think the key is to find something you like. So many people join a gym and start eating tofu, with no regard to whether they actually like those things and of course it doesn’t last because it’s miserable.

Maybe you like tap dancing. Or playing squash. Or hiking. Find something you enjoy doing then it won’t feel like such a chore.

Same with food. Find what you like to eat that’s healthy, not just what’s healthy per se. Then it won’t seem so onerous.

Here's what I think: the problem is central heating! You look at any picture from the centuries before central heating and no one was fat. Their bodies burned so much fuel just to keep warm, which is actually what fuel is for.

Don't put the heating on at all in Autumn and the weight will fall off you. Obviously don't make yourself ill!

Forget diets. They just make you obsessed with food. You think about it all the time and it ruins your life.

Point to remember as well - with every single pound you lose you are healthier. You don't have to lose 2 stone to be healthier. In just a few days you could be healthier, and even healthier a few days after that. Slowly but surely you see that BMI decreasing, even in tenths of a point. Or you recalculate your TDEE and realise that it is not taking quite as many calories to heave your body around (so you eat slightly fewer calories).
I felt pretty much the same you when I realised I had gone up to 12stone12lb, quite desperate in fact.
But things which have made me happy lately:- my BMI has crept to just below 30 for the first time in a few years; I'm back in the 11s, ok that's 11st13 but I haven't seen the 11s for a long time; I am beginning to feel muscles in my thighs - who knew they were still there!!
Remember, although your overall aim may be a few stone, there are many mini-medals to collect along the way.

Do whatever you can to get over this helpless overwhelmed feeling because it can lead to feeling defeatist and then gaining even more weight. I know from experience.

@Craddle64

Do whatever you can to get over this helpless overwhelmed feeling because it can lead to feeling defeatist and then gaining even more weight. I know from experience.

Very true. But so much easier to say than to do. I don’t think I know how any more.

Another one interested in what that book's called, TooExtraImmatureCheddar.