Wow, I really wasnt expecting such a strong response to this post. Thank you to everyone who has posted. I think reading some of your messages has actually dragged the wool from eyes a little bit.
My parents know of our age gap, of his ex wife and his 2 youngest children. They was not happy at the beginning but they are happy now. They can see how happy we make each other and they want to be involved with the younger children knowing how involved I am. I do not have the heart to tell them about the 'secret twins' yet as I know they will 1000% tell me to Run.
Just to update my previous updates. I found out 4 months ago about the secret twins. They have only messaged recently (well Sunday evening!). He told me because he got an email from the mother that 1 of them was ill and needed to know if he had any heart conditions in the family. His face went pale and I instantly knew something was wrong. Once he told me we talked through it, I was debating leaving then.
That was when he showed me everything he knew of them, all of the courts paperwork, the messages between him and the mother. The DNA test. Basically the mother was another man (the step father) she cheated on the step father with my OH, she got pregnant. My OH never spoke to her again. She stayed with the step father, they went through the whole process of having the twins. He looked after them theyre entire young life. They split up when the twins were 11, the step dad went for custoday (he thought he was the real dad, his name is on the birth certifcate) the mother turned around and said they werent his, it went to the courts. My OH had to have a blood test along with 3 other people. He found out he was the father. His whole world was flipped on its head 8 years ago. He did not decide to abbondon said twins despite what people think. They went to court he wanted access, she did not, the step father didnt want him to either. My OH the mother and the step father all met and decided it was best that the twins not know who my OH was. The Step Father wanted to remain the Dad and carry on being the Dad for them. My OH hadnt been apart of their lives for 11 years, he did not want to crash and burn and ruin 2, 11 year olds lives for the sake of an hours supervised visit a week. He was getting married he was going to start his own family. No one can say he is a bad person for that.
When I say 'found out they were 18' he obviously knew when they were 18, I just meant when he realised they were 18 he wanted to get in contact. He messaged the mother first ( I have read these messages) she still said she didnt think it was a good idea. The twins still did not know of his existence.
1 of the twins fell ill in January and had to have a series of blood tests, she found out she was not the same blood type as her mum or her 'Dad' this sparked an awkward conversation where the mum had to tell her the truth. She refused to tell the twin of my OH name and would only tell her his first name and told her he was still friends with one the mums friends.
She found him on fb from searching through her mums friend friends list on his first name. Saw a number say 5 people with his first name and messaged the one she thought looked like her. They have been constantly messaging one another since sunday evening.
Yes I work, my OH works too. Luckily we WFH most of the week and work are flexible with our hours, my OH works his hours around picking up the youngest children. (He goes and picks them up and takes them to school ect) I am heavily involved in their life but my life does not revolve solely around them. I try to go out with my friends on the weekends he has the girls so that they still have Daddy time without me, they do not need me here constantly as I am not their mother and no I have not just taken on the mother/wife role in our house. It is split very evenly if not swayed more towards him because they are his children ect.
He wants children with me because he knows how much of a good step mum I am and he knows I want children of my own. Agreed the vasectomy is far from ideal in our relationship and I have told him if the vasectomy does not work I wont be able to stick around. He has given plenty of options, IVF, sperm donor ect, he wants to be on the birth certificate and has said that he will be the father to our child whether is it biological his or not. This was always fine for me, if that vasectomy never worked I could handle that because I know how much of a good Dad he is. But now the twins have made contact I don't think I can accept the fact that our child might biologically not be his.
I know 26 i still very young but Ive had a hard f'd up life and im more mature than most 26yo my age. My mum had a mid life crisis when she split from my dad when I was 12 and I had to look after my youngest brother, cook, clean and take him to school when I was only a child myself... so looking after someone elses children at 26 isnt a burden for me. Sorry for the rant just hoping this will clear up some peoples questions.