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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’m not a fucking bigot.

233 replies

FuckHim · 14/09/2020 23:42

Name changed.

I read the post about the attached poster. As a WOMAN who had a difficult pregnancy, as a woman who considered has had an abortion, I shared this with my DP. We’ve had arguments about woman’s rights before, and he thinks I’m transphobic. I’m not. I just know that women don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. This was another example.

DP has told me how I am wrong for being upset that woman aren’t referenced (but ‘men’ and ‘people’ are) in a pregnancy poster. I am transphobic, nasty and cruel.

Am I wrong to be upset? Considering the abuse I had when abortion came up, this matters to me. It matters so much. My self worth is at an all time low. I already felt disgusted after we had sex yesterday (his pleasure, not mine), and an argument quickly escalated where he kicked me out.

The argument has escalated this time with him taking me keys, telling me to leave, but be back by morning because he has work (so do I, and much earlier than him).

Now he’s decided I’m wrong for trying to leave and actually I’m supposed to stay with DS so he can go. I’m horrible person for ‘putting him’ in that position where I leave.

I’ve been feeling shit and low about myself. All I’ve wanted is a cuddle. In terms of the above poster, I feel like my opinion matters more as a ‘person’ who carries babies. He thinks I’m a bigot. Am I?

I don’t know what I’m asking. I know I’m done with this but I can’t cope with my opinions and views being diminished into nothing.

I’m not a fucking bigot.
OP posts:
FuckHim · 14/09/2020 23:42

Considered and has had*

OP posts:
CaptainCabinets · 14/09/2020 23:43

With respect, I don’t think the poster is the crux of the issue here.

DrDetriment · 14/09/2020 23:45

You're right. It's a horrible poster and as a woman, I find it very offensive.

gamerchick · 14/09/2020 23:47

The argument has escalated this time with him taking me keys, telling me to leave, but be back by morning because he has work (so do I, and much earlier than him)

No, he can go. You don't get to kick someone out and tell them to be back by a certain time. Hmm

Tell him you'll be sleeping separately tonight and you'll be discussing your relationship future tomorrow

BlackeyedSusan · 14/09/2020 23:49

You are not compatible clearly. .

Yanbu to be upset about the poster.

MsEllany · 14/09/2020 23:49

You’re right. Honestly if my husband had said he thought I was a bigot I would tell him he is an idiot and actually, he’s doing exactly what the poster does - tramples on your right as a woman to have an opinion.

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 14/09/2020 23:52

@MsEllany

You’re right. Honestly if my husband had said he thought I was a bigot I would tell him he is an idiot and actually, he’s doing exactly what the poster does - tramples on your right as a woman to have an opinion.
This. And yes, sounds like you have far more issues in your relationship.

What is it like generally? Does he always tell you what to do and how to think?

Tillygetsit · 14/09/2020 23:52

Your husband doesn't have any respect. Tell him to leave. He's horrible.

tinofshortbread · 14/09/2020 23:57

I like the assumption that female people are the default human.

ErrolTheDragon · 14/09/2020 23:58

YANBU - and the organisation responsible have already admitted they made a mistake with it and apologised.

But it sounds like regardless of what set off the disagreement your partner is an arse. It sounds as though he's nasty, cruel and misogynistic- not in any abstract way but towards you, the woman he's presumably supposed to care about.

BubblyBarbara · 14/09/2020 23:58

Really it should say “people with a uterus” as that covers everything nicely

TheDragQueen · 14/09/2020 23:59

He sounds like a complete arse. And, no, you’re not a bigot.

Lifeisgenerallyfun · 15/09/2020 00:00

Your husband is an emotionally Abusive cunt. Tell him to move to the town of cuntsville in the county of Fuckoff.

And wtaf is that poster? What is it actually for? Presumably it’s for woke twats to post on Facebook when they get fed up of #BLM and can’t even remember #bekind.

Please please please be kind to yourself you don’t need this from the man who is supposed to love you. You deserve more.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/09/2020 00:01

He sounds like a complete arsehole.

FuckHim · 15/09/2020 00:02

I know it’s over. It has been for a long time. We’ve had arguments about whether woman spaces should be open to men (self/certifying woman) a few times and that’s one thing. Today it seemed so clear cut - reference of ‘men’ and ‘people’ in a poster about abortion. How could I possibly be wrong for thinking ‘women’ should be referenced somewhere? Apparently I am though.

But I am hurt. I felt so cheap and shit last night and thought he would try. Instead he battled me about a game he has no skin in and I don’t understand why he does it. I think it doesn’t matter what view I present - he will always opt to be on the opposing side just for the sake of arguing with me.

OP posts:
TheDragQueen · 15/09/2020 00:06

So you have any real life support. Your marriage is clearly over.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/09/2020 00:08

The poster is a shit show and your husband is a cunt. Do not leave your home. Tell him the relationship is over because he is a manipulative, controlling misogynistic bastard.

ErrolTheDragon · 15/09/2020 00:09

And wtaf is that poster? What is it actually for?
Abortion services.

AngeloMysterioso · 15/09/2020 00:09

YANBU - and the organisation responsible have already admitted they made a mistake with it and apologised.

They have since deleted their apology.

Honestly, OP... my DH and I disagree more often than we agree on a lot of social and political issues, but if he wasn’t with me on women’s rights (particularly as it relates to the trans rights movement) I don’t think our relationship would survive. Not only is your DP not backing you up on something that is deeply important and personal to you, but he is making you feel like shit about it. Does he actually think you’re a transphobic bigot, or is he just saying that so he can attack you from a position of perceived moral superiority?

MarriedtoDaveGrohl · 15/09/2020 00:10

What the hell is a sexist pig doing arguing about trans rights? I'm sorry this smacks of having cake and eating it too.

I'd be binning him for the hypocrisy and faulty logic alone. You are far too tolerant and kind. Put your foot down and it's over your masculine power. He needs to learn a sharp lesson.

MarriedtoDaveGrohl · 15/09/2020 00:12

Discover your masculine power I mean!

Preferably with the aid of a very good solicitor.

Roguesausage · 15/09/2020 00:12

Get rid. But before you do tell him you’ve decided to identify as a man.

BF2748 · 15/09/2020 00:14

The poster is shit show and representative of how women are still the seen and not heard part of society. It’s ironic that woman/women/female is such a dirty word to be said, when the reality is for thousands of years we are the ones who’ve birthed life on the planet, so many women have died trying to have a safe abortion and yet we can’t even be labelled on a poster.

Speak to a solicitor about where you stand but don’t leave the house - he can. It’s clear that the end is in sight, don’t let anyone make you feel cheap or less than, it seems your husband doesn’t like women very much.

WildRunner · 15/09/2020 00:16

My husband and I disagree on a lot of political points, although we respect our differences. This is one are we are utterly united on. Granted, I introduced him to the debate. But when he said to me tonight, "It sounds like women's rights are going backwards, not forwards", I knew he'd got the point, indecently. I'm a huge believer in respecting each other's politics and point of view, but this issue is non-negotiable for me.

WildRunner · 15/09/2020 00:17

Indecently? I mean "independently"