I’m not a fucking bigot.

[FuckHim]

Name changed.

I read the post about the attached poster. As a WOMAN who had a difficult pregnancy, as a woman who considered has had an abortion, I shared this with my DP. We’ve had arguments about woman’s rights before, and he thinks I’m transphobic. I’m not. I just know that women don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. This was another example.

DP has told me how I am wrong for being upset that woman aren’t referenced (but ‘men’ and ‘people’ are) in a pregnancy poster. I am transphobic, nasty and cruel.

Am I wrong to be upset? Considering the abuse I had when abortion came up, this matters to me. It matters so much. My self worth is at an all time low. I already felt disgusted after we had sex yesterday (his pleasure, not mine), and an argument quickly escalated where he kicked me out.

The argument has escalated this time with him taking me keys, telling me to leave, but be back by morning because he has work (so do I, and much earlier than him).

Now he’s decided I’m wrong for trying to leave and actually I’m supposed to stay with DS so he can go. I’m horrible person for ‘putting him’ in that position where I leave.

I’ve been feeling shit and low about myself. All I’ve wanted is a cuddle. In terms of the above poster, I feel like my opinion matters more as a ‘person’ who carries babies. He thinks I’m a bigot. Am I?

I don’t know what I’m asking. I know I’m done with this but I can’t cope with my opinions and views being diminished into nothing.

I wonder if he actually has an opinion at all or if he just likes to find things to disagree with you on. He wants the argument to put you down.

I agree, and this is why arguing about the poster is irrelevant. There is no killer argument that will finally persuade him that the OP is right if fundamentally he is just using the issue to belittle and abuse the OP.

Trans women have really done us no favours. The word woman is now offensive. The majority of men do not want women as equals, they want us where they want us. As a man, it is in your DH's interests for you to be oppressed. It is no different to racism and other oppression.

I am a 50 year old woman and I don't care if someone thinks I am a bigot WRT not agreeing with how we are treated. I'll be professional at work, and not upset anyone or bring my views in, but once outside they can go take a running jump.

If we want an opinion on women, we should be asking other women, not a man.

I don’t understand why he does it.

Because he's a dickhead?

Really, why do you care about a dickhead's opinion on women's spaces and women's right to self definition? It's just all of a piece, isn't it? He threw you out of your own house, at night, because he is an abusive dickhead. He has women-erasing views about the trans debate because he is an abusive dickhead. He won't comfort you by giving you a cuddle or listening to your views... because he is an abusive dickhead. Stop hoping and trying to make him better. The only way he is going to have a less negative effect on your life is if you are far away from him and can't hear his stupid opinions.

He’s just using the poster as an excuse to belittle your opinions and cause an argument

Spilt from him op.

What on earth is that stupid poster even about???

What is it trying to advertise?...It is nonsensical.

Whoever made it needs a head wobble.

''Men with uteruses??'' WTH?

You are not at all unreasonable, and leave the bastard.

Really it should say “people with a uterus” as that covers everything nicely

But men (ie males, ie the humans designed to produce small gametes) don't have a uterus

@tinofshortbread no.. it does not imply that the default human is female, it implies that the word woman cannot be used to cover people with female biological functions for fear of causing offense to people with male biological functions who think they can identify as female yet do not wish to be reminded of the fact that really will never be female.

@bubblyBarbara People with uterus does not cover it nicely. Women is the word they are looking for. Women and trans men if necessary.

@FuckHim I am sorry that you have a child with someone who is so devoid of empathy that he cannot see why this is offensive, triggering and painful for you. You deserve better... as we all do. I hope this forcible change of the use of the word women stops. It is fine for others to stay back away from the trans debate as its harmful to your mental health but the whole point is women have fought for centuries for visibility and equal share of voice, money and power and now we are being told we do not have a right to speak on this subject.

He's sexist and seems quite gleeful about it. Would be a deal breaker for me. Quit now before you have children.

Where is the poster from?

How to erase half the human population. Woman - it’s not that hard to say

My DH said when he was kid he thought Woman name was because they have Wombs

@MarshaBradyo

Where is the poster from?

How to erase half the human population. Woman - it’s not that hard to say

It is a stupid poster..From reading some of the PP it appears to be for an abortion clinic[?]

Men can't have abortions..only Women can.
What next?
''People who have vasectomies?''

Are you ok, @FuckHim ? It all sounds very painful. You talk about feeling disgusted, being abused after talking about abortion etc.

Have you got somewhere to go to feel safe and supported? Or has he agreed to leave?

That poster is a disgrace and your DH is a wanker. He is deliberately arguing with you for the sake of arguing, it’s not about the poster, it’s about him.

The poster is ridiculous, it's not even inclusive because woman isn't mentioned once, but man is, funny that. Women are supposed to be content and happy with being bundled in with everyone under people, I'm hoping it's just trolling at this point, but why an abortion clinic needs woke points at the expense of their actual patient base is astounding and shows how fucking ridiculous it is.

Also he sounds horrendous, not because he has a differing opinion, but the way it sounds like he talks to you.

An abortion clinic?!

Where women are must vulnerable. That is insane.

Someone should take it down.

I’m going to ignore the poster as it’s not the issue.

You say DP and also that he took your keys. Is the house his? He can ask you to leave if you’re not married and the house is his, but if it’s jointly owned or you’re married, he can’t.

The fact that he would kick you out of your home, with no warning and away from your child, but then order you to come back to care for your DS when it suits him would be for me, the real issue here.

@MarshaBradyo

An abortion clinic?!

Where women are must vulnerable. That is insane.

Someone should take it down.

Luckily they have. 👍

And issues an apology to women. It was a Marie Stopes abortion clinic poster.

Ah ok thanks Oakleaffy

BubblyBarbara

Really it should say “people with a uterus” as that covers everything nicely”

Yes, Barbara, I’m delighted that a word has finally been thought of to cover those people.

🙄

@oakleaffy you say ‘what’s next?, as if next isn’t already happening.

Information about men’s health issues, such as prostate cancer awareness campaigns, unequivocally refer to men in the boldest possible terms- quite rightly, because the language needs to be inclusive of those who lack either the language or the anatomical understanding to know that they have a prostate and it needs to be checked.

On the other hand, awareness campaigns for women’s health refer to pregnant people, uterus-havers, people with a cervix etc, so that those women who lack the language or anatomical understanding to know that they need screening get missed out, and problems are not picked up until it’s too late.

This is the language of the patriarchy- men are bold and important; women are silent, un-named and invisible, valued only in terms of the body parts which are serviceable for men. And we’d damn well best not name ourselves, because men’s feelings and fetishes are prized above all else.

@FuckHim the issue for you is that you partner clearly enjoys belittling and humiliating women, and you are his nearby target. Though you say he has no skin in the game, the wider picture is the erasure of women’s rights , and he seems totally on board with that.

It's most telling that "man" comes first on the poster, despite being the less likely option - not only are women not explicitly mentioned, in being only alluded to, we still come as an afterthought. So utterly thick and offensive.

Like your husband OP. Good luck with leaving him.

Sorry to divert from the ops situation but one thing I don't understand is if you can say "men with uteruses" why can't you say "women with uteruses". If you don't want to mention either sex/gender, then why not say "people with uteruses". Why is men allowed but women isn't?

@FuckHim

Your husband is awful. You have the right to an opinion, yet he kicks you out overnight for having one then tells you to be back in the morning! Dictator/controller and wrong. Big problem - this is the most important issue for you here!

The poster is a typical example of attempting to appease minority groups whilst forgetting that the issues in the posters are things encountered by women everyday and yet again women are sidelined. I agree with you. It is happening with more and more things that MAINLY affect women.... but women appear to seen as less important than reaching the very small majority of people who identify as male yet since have biological women's 'bits'.... or for people who identify as female that still have biological men's 'bits'. I don't really care what anyone decides to identify as 'a penguin for all I care or one of the apparently 100 other gender possibilities but don't forget me since I identify as a 'woman - biological one' not cis not someone with a fucking uterus or other such rubbish.

Have a nice day.