I’m not a fucking bigot.

[FuckHim]

Name changed.

I read the post about the attached poster. As a WOMAN who had a difficult pregnancy, as a woman who considered has had an abortion, I shared this with my DP. We’ve had arguments about woman’s rights before, and he thinks I’m transphobic. I’m not. I just know that women don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. This was another example.

DP has told me how I am wrong for being upset that woman aren’t referenced (but ‘men’ and ‘people’ are) in a pregnancy poster. I am transphobic, nasty and cruel.

Am I wrong to be upset? Considering the abuse I had when abortion came up, this matters to me. It matters so much. My self worth is at an all time low. I already felt disgusted after we had sex yesterday (his pleasure, not mine), and an argument quickly escalated where he kicked me out.

The argument has escalated this time with him taking me keys, telling me to leave, but be back by morning because he has work (so do I, and much earlier than him).

Now he’s decided I’m wrong for trying to leave and actually I’m supposed to stay with DS so he can go. I’m horrible person for ‘putting him’ in that position where I leave.

I’ve been feeling shit and low about myself. All I’ve wanted is a cuddle. In terms of the above poster, I feel like my opinion matters more as a ‘person’ who carries babies. He thinks I’m a bigot. Am I?

I don’t know what I’m asking. I know I’m done with this but I can’t cope with my opinions and views being diminished into nothing.

@VestroPrincipiDivino

Why would "people with a wanted pregnancy" need abortion services?

In the dreadful circumstances that an anomaly is discovered at a scan that is incompatible with life. What choice do they have, where abortions are legal? the baby will not survive. Sometimes the baby has already died in utero but has not been naturally aborted, so it needs to be medically done.

Tragic.

YANBU. You're living with a misogynist. Luckily you've realised this.
Now run.

ThumbWitchesAbroad

Ah of course, thanks. I hadn't thought about that.

I can't help but think they are mentioning the men in the pregnancy poster to include them as it's the woman who is actually pregnant. Maybe I have got the wrong end of the stick but if I haven't it seems oversensitive to the extreme to me and almost like looking for things to be upset about

@Mbhatescf123

I can't help but think they are mentioning the men in the pregnancy poster to include them as it's the woman who is actually pregnant. Maybe I have got the wrong end of the stick but if I haven't it seems oversensitive to the extreme to me and almost like looking for things to be upset about

Yeah, you've got the wrong end of the stick. Here's the apology.

He’s a piece of shit. And the poster is offensive.

@VestroPrincipiDivino

Why would "people with a wanted pregnancy" need abortion services?

defects in the fetus, mothers health incompatible with pregnancy

The poster is ludicrous. But there are plenty of positive posters you could focus on instead. I’d not get hung up on one. And I don’t understand what you mean by women don’t matter, we do, I’ve never felt that way, and can’t imagine ever doing so.

I think this is about your self esteem, not about women in general and the fact your marriage is over, and the pair of you are pretending it’s about trans rights when actually it’s about you as individuals and how you feel about each other. Why were you wanting him to cuddle you when you know it’s over? Why do you repeatedly argue with him about women’s rights when you know he will just take the opposing view whatever the subject being discussed? Are you looking for validation from him for some reason? Because it’s not coming.

The pair of you need to sort yourselves out, sit down and talk about your relationship, and make some agreements, to split or to try counselling. And to deal with the real issue at hand.

Yes, you are right about the poster and you are not a bigot, but even if I agreed with him completely, I would still be saying YOUR MUCH BIGGER PROBLEM IS YOUR PARTNER!!!!! HE HAS TAKEN YOUR KEYS!!!!!!!!

Red flags:

• He is telling you to leave but still wants to control what you do
• He is blaming you for 'putting him in the position where he has to tell you to leave'
• He is physically controlling you by taking your keys
• It sounds as though this isn't the first time that you have had an argument about women's rights.

I'm not sure from your post whether or not you have already decided to leave your partner, but I agree with Bluntness on this:

"The pair of you need to sort yourselves out, sit down and talk about your relationship, and make some agreements, to split or to try counselling. And to deal with the real issue at hand."

I would say that your relationship is beyond counselling, but I have only read one post and I don't know you.

It seems a strange thing to be arguing about?

Marriage break up over trans politics? Ive heard it all now!
He does sound like an arse about the sex though.

I’m afraid I couldn’t live with such a revolting misogynist. He clearly doesn’t value you or women generally.

I'm so sorry; your partner sounds like a misogynist controlling and stupid person. I agree with you that the poster is awful, too. Get yourself a shit hot lawyer and get him gone.

Yep. Identify as a man and remind him that he is now in a homosexual relationship. See how fast he unwokes

Marriage break up over trans politics? I've heard it all now!

The marriage is not over because trans politics, it over because of his attitude towards OP.

OP I agree with you, I hate the way that Trans people use the phrase 'people who menstruate' and yet men are never describe as 'people you have sperm'.

I find the trans argument has gone very quiet since the universal condemnation of that professor who said she was black - maybe as your DP is such an expert on trans rights, he could explain to us all why that’s not ok, but saying you are a woman is?

Misogyny on one side, bigots on the other

Such a pathetic level of discussion

@Wandawomble

The poster is appalling and erases women. Your partner is appealing and erases your feelings. You deserve more on both counts.

^

This

He's a misogynist.

I don’t understand why he does it

Because he's a raging misogynist.

I totally disagree that the trans rights (men's rights) Vs women's rights issue is irrelevant to OP's marriage problems. It's a huge red flag (although not the only one) that shows her husband does not value women and therefore does not value her. Game over, surely? How can a woman remain married to someone who hates women?

Don't leave the house, OP. You need to very quickly get some legal advice and quietly gather important documents relating to finances, the house etc. Make sure you have you and your son's passports and identification documents.

I wonder if he actually has an opinion at all or if he just likes to find things to disagree with you on. He wants the argument to put you down.

I’m not much of a poetry fan but Maya Angelou often pops in my head Poem

Your husband has no respect for you or women.

Forget the poster. You are correct and you know you are.

Get your self and your child out of that toxic environment. Your husband is a disgusting piece of work.

Getting so upset by the trans issues stuff can seriously damage your mental health by the way. Step back. Stop getting so upset about it it won't do you any good. And leave him, he's a twat without all the political disagreements. Knowing he's going to argue with you I'm at a loss as to why you brought it up with him at all to be honest.