Partner giving no input on Christmas gifts for his family.

[bumble79]

Hi all, I know it's a little early to talk about Christmas but money is tighter I need to plan and budget for Christmas.

we've been together 8 years and every single year I ask oh for idea on what to get his own family. I don't know them as much as he does and I'd like some input. He just says 'I don't know' or 'don't bother getting them anything'. It's so frustrating.

It's not just Christmas. On his mums bday recently I bought a card and a gift. He is absolutely pants.

It's got to the point that I have to pick out my own gifts from him..

Are all men like this??

Aibu to think he can help with gifts for his family?!

Sounds trivial I know! But I like to be organised whereas he'd rather shop on Christmas Eve!!

@bookmum08

Well me and my husband manage to sort gift buying out between us. It's a shame others can't. There seems to be such a hatred towards in - laws on Mumsnet and all that "they're not MY family" stuff. Seems sad.

Have you actually read the OP.🙄 Yes " its a shame" as her husband cant be bothered!

Style my original comment was more to do with that the OP apparently doesn't know her in-laws very well or even talks to them. They are seen as 'his family'. That's what I find a bit sad.

Is they're not married she's not even related to his family.
Ridiculous scenario. If you ever want DC OP I'd move on now.

But if they have been together 8 years and live as a couple then technically her 'mother in law's isn't her mother in law but she is (I assume) more than just her one of her friends mums that she vaguely knows. If that's the case then it is sad. After 8 years it's family. Legal or not. Or at least it should be.

@bookmum08

But if they have been together 8 years and live as a couple then technically her 'mother in law's isn't her mother in law but she is (I assume) more than just her one of her friends mums that she vaguely knows. If that's the case then it is sad. After 8 years it's family. Legal or not. Or at least it should be.

tbf I don't even know what I want myself a lot of times, never mind what anyone else wants for Christmas!

I understand the points you've made in this thread but that only applies if you have a couple who both actually get involved and work together. It's unfair when it's assumed that the woman will just do all this kind "wife stuff" (Thankfully not in my marriage either though!)

I wonder how many men take on the responsibility of sourcing and buying their in laws presents as well as doing it for their own family?

It's just another role that is seen as 'wifework' plain and simple.

Don’t do it. My DW isn’t the best at this stuff so her family’s pressies and cards are often late. That’s her look out as far as I’m concerned! I already have my lot to look after and do the majority of organising pressies for kids parties that our two are invited to.

I wonder how many men take on the responsibility of sourcing and buying their in laws presents as well as doing it for their own family

The number of men who have taken it upon themselves to buy a gift for their MIL with no prompting from their wives is probably very small.

Which makes the OPs situation even more ridiculous. Why would a woman think about or be expected to buy gifts for her MIL, FIL, SIL etc etc, but a man would never be expected to, or think to do the same for his ILs?

No "all men" aren't any one thing.

He's like it because you let him. What did he do before you? Why are you even asking him? Just leave him to do it. Think about it, why would he bother doing thinking about it when he knows you'll do it for him.

Is he shit at buying you stuff too?

If he can hold down a job he can choose and organise a gift ffs.

@bookmum08

Style my original comment was more to do with that the OP apparently doesn't know her in-laws very well or even talks to them. They are seen as 'his family'. That's what I find a bit sad.

It doesnt sound like he is particularly close to them either. So why would she be? No idea why you seem to think its sad or a shame? Unless you think she should do his emotional work as well? Just to add I had a fantastic relationship with my MIL as did my DH so no need for PA shaming of me either.

I made clear to DH at the very start of the relationship that I had no interest in taking on the mental burden I’d watched my mother and older female relatives grapple with.

It’s his job to sort contact, visits, cards and presents out with his side of the family, and me mine. The one exception to that is dsd where I will happily 50/50 the effort.

It would infuriate me when my father received thanks for his generous and well thought out gifts, that actually he had no idea about, and were organised by my mother who his family hated.

The cuff round the ear was well worth it every time I cheerfully pointed that out.

Style well she has had 8 years to figure out if her partner gets on with his family. If he doesn't (and she doesn't 'know' them) then why is she bothering with thinking about gifts. He has said not too. I assume he also said that 8 years ago. Perhaps she should have listened rather than taking over and doing it and then moaning.