To not pay my parent’s bills so they can work parttime?

[SoftChewyFoods]

Basically the above.

I could afford to help them out on 1 or 2 bills so they could cut down hours at work. But I don’t want to, I was hoping to wait until they were much much older. They’re only early 50s.

I don’t want to yet because they will want more and more bills paid and they currently use emotional blackmail to try and persuade me to do it like “But Mel’s son pays her bills and she works parttime and he earns less than you so you could help me” or “You clearly don’t like me much if you won’t help me out” or my very favourite “at my time of life I should be slowing down and doing less”

For context I have a sibling who cannot work and never will, they don’t live with this parent they live with our other parent.

I have my own child to support singlehandedly as for various reason my Ex doesn’t pay maintenance.

AIBU?

Vote:
YANBU - Don't pay the bills
YABU - Pay the bills

@SoftChewyFoods
I’m sorry, I am about the age of yr parents and would not DREAM of asking anyone, much less DC to pay bills.
Why are your parents so scrounging?
I’m shocked.

Why would you parent abuse you like this ? Don't let them.

@SoftChewyFoods
I think the vote says it all 👍💯

What is wrong with them?? If they need full-time work to pay the bills then they work full-time - like everyone else in the same situation. I can't believe their cheek - early 50s!!!!!!!

I have heard of/seen this within my own working class background.

Starts with expecting anyone in the house to pay rent from age 16...for me that meant my parents being furious that I wanted to stay on at school beyond 16. They started shoving newspaper job ads under my nose with Office Junior posts circled. They were then utterly disgusted when I went to uni...and promptly moved out forever at age 19 never having paid rent.

Somewhere along the line they started behaving as though they were really old, stopped hosting Christmas in any way (about the time my sibling and I married, before there were any grandchildren) and then expectation that we existed to help them grew and grew.

Unfortunately I scunnered all their plans by having children very late (I’m 44 with DC of 9, 6 and 2) and the idea that I have the time/energy/extra cash to be helping them out (they are about 70 now, but fit and able) has fizzled out. I know it sounds mean, but there are many good reasons why I owe them little to nothing.

You have to prioritise your child. If you have spare money, you should be saving it for your child's future, eg education. Your child isn't relying entirely on you if there is no maintenance from the father.

If your mum/dad were in desperate straits and doing all they could to find work, or working and still struggling then it'd be fair enough to help out, but it isn't right to make your child miss out to fund your parent's choice to work less.

The "If you loved me you'd do it" can be turned around to "If you cared about your grandchild you wouldn't ask me to deprive her."

Sorry , your child is relying on you.

I have never heard anything so ridiculous in my life! When DH and I were at that stage we were helping DC out.

Ridiculous! Never heard anything like it, from someone only in their 50s. “At our time of life” sounds like they are in their 70s or 80s.

I’m recently retired. My DS earns a lot but I’d never dream of asking him to pay for any of my bills!!
He buys me really nice presents that I couldn’t buy myself.

What a disgraceful way to treat you!

I would just tell them that single parenting is hard enough and any extra money you have left will be going to your child, not them.

And in their early FIFTIES??!! Unbelievable.

I know they are your parents but they are taking the piss
Plus if they don't work as many hours that's up to them to budget not you

I'd be telling them no chance!

I knew there was a reason I should have had children! I'm 65 and still working.

They're CFs and their emotional blackmail is, frankly, a bit pathetic.

They are being ridiculous, tell them to give their heads a wobble.
I'm in my 50's I wouldn't want my kids paying mine and dh's bills, I would never even think to ask them.

Crikey, I'm 62 and still working like a demon, and expect to for at least another 5 years. I think they're really taking the piss here

You read my mind! I work 50-60 hours a week in my early 60s. Why would anyone want to leech off their children?

@cosmicdoughnut why should they receive benefits if they go part-time? They would have chosen to reduce their hours for no reason other than they want to work fewer hours so they should not receive benefits.

I give my mum money each month, just a couple of hundred pounds. She only ever worked in low paid jobs and has only her state pension. She's approaching 70 and had to give up work a few years ago due to health problems. She is still paying her mortgage and I can afford to help her out at the moment. (My choice, she never asked.)

Jesus.

I'm 65 and cleared all my debts so as to be able to reduce my hours at work this year. The very idea of my child supporting me is ridiculous. In fact I help her out, though she never asks me.

I’m early 50s and Dh and I are supporting our kids to go to University and paying into our pensions - we’ll support ourselves and I hope we’ve supported our dc to work towards positive independence themselves. It’s not my dc responsibility to financially support me !! I fully expect to be working for at least the next 10 years !

They are using you and are guilting you into paying more money than they want to pay.
You need to stand firm, tell them that you can't afford it/overspent and back away.
You do not owe your parents their living.

How intensely lazy of them. I’m coming up to mid-50’s, work and will do so until I am no longer capable. I couldn’t really keep going in my previous role that i had been in for decades which involved extremely long hours overall and long stretches including nights at times so I swapped to another role doing something different but related and only around 50 hours a week. Over time I will probably take the odd step back here and there decreasing responsibility and hours again. What I won’t do is not bother working at all or to my full capacity whatever that may be at the time and expect someone else to foot the bill.

No no no no no. No fucking no. No. Why?

my mum is mid 50s, my dad early 60s. No way would either of them expect i and sky siblings to pay their bills. I find the whole idea really astonishing tbh.

I do like to take my mum out for meals and treat her though. She certainly would never guilt trip anyone ever.

The mere concept of this is entirely new to me. It is a lovely idea, honestly something I would love to be able to do. But for broadly similar reasons to you, I simply could not right now. You shouldn’t feel guilty for not being able to do it. Your parent should however, feel guilty for putting you in a position where you feel guilty that you cannot.

Just fuck no.
I’m guessing there is a huge back story about why they are expecting this of you, they are not nice people.

YANBU - completely and utterly OUTRAGEOUS - who the flippin heck do they think they are? Their household bills are their responsibility - it would be fairly shocking if you were super rich, the fact you are a struggling single Mum means you should 100% prioritise yourself and your child - Onwards and upwards OP xx