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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay my parent’s bills so they can work parttime?

281 replies

SoftChewyFoods · 14/09/2020 18:00

Basically the above.

I could afford to help them out on 1 or 2 bills so they could cut down hours at work. But I don’t want to, I was hoping to wait until they were much much older. They’re only early 50s.

I don’t want to yet because they will want more and more bills paid and they currently use emotional blackmail to try and persuade me to do it like “But Mel’s son pays her bills and she works parttime and he earns less than you so you could help me” or “You clearly don’t like me much if you won’t help me out” or my very favourite “at my time of life I should be slowing down and doing less”

For context I have a sibling who cannot work and never will, they don’t live with this parent they live with our other parent.

I have my own child to support singlehandedly as for various reason my Ex doesn’t pay maintenance.

AIBU?

Vote:
YANBU - Don't pay the bills
YABU - Pay the bills

OP posts:
User43210 · 14/09/2020 19:17

Not a hope in hell.

I mean, I personally would offer if I could and it was needed but because my parents have given me the world. They would never accept it in a million years.

My parents are mid 50s and far more likely to be paying my bills 😂 if anyone actually asked this of me, I'd laugh in their face.

cptartapp · 14/09/2020 19:18

I would never have paid my parents' bills, at any age.
What do you think of them now, as people, for expecting that of you?

Gymntonic · 14/09/2020 19:19

Pay into your pension, save for your child, pay off/ save for a mortgage.
I'm mid fifties with three teenagers to support and squirreling away for the future. They're v cheeky

DuesToTheDirt · 14/09/2020 19:20

I don't know why you'd even consider this. It's a really weird and selfish request.

Georgyporky · 14/09/2020 19:20

Who the fuck voted yabu??

Georgyporky · 14/09/2020 19:20

Posted too soon.

Georgyporky · 14/09/2020 19:21

Probably the only poster from the same culture.

EyesOpening · 14/09/2020 19:24

Are they in good health and able bodied?
Unless they're not early 50s is no age to be saying "at my time of life I should be slowing down and doing less”
They need to cut their coat according to their cloth.
Not that it would change my answer but are they both asking you to do this (I understand they live apart)?

user1471466920 · 14/09/2020 19:24

Absolute shameful of them to ask you to pay their bills. If you have anything left over treat yourself and/or your child, do not let them guilt you! Shocking!

AdaColeman · 14/09/2020 19:24

If they are asking you to fund their lifestyle now, whilst they still have possibly fifteen or more years of their working life ahead of them, what will they be expecting from you when they retire?

Don’t give them money, they should be supporting themselves at their age. If you’ve got any spare money at the end of the month, save it for your own old age, as the state pension will probably be worthless by then.

Billben · 14/09/2020 19:25

Can they not go part time and claim benefits to top up their wage?

😱 And this is why people on benefits get a bad reputation 🙄

spacepoppers · 14/09/2020 19:25

Crikey my parents are in their 70's and have never asked for a handout. They tire more than they used to and take it a bit more easy, but they were harder working in their fifties than any other time in their lives. They wouldn't ask me unless they were in pretty dire straits.

4amWitchingHour · 14/09/2020 19:26

You keep saying you're trying to put it off for as long as possible, but you don't EVER have to pay their bills. They're an adult who is perfectly capable of looking after themselves, and if they haven't made financial provision for reducing the amount of work they do and their retirement then that's their problem.

Save and invest in your own DD.

WetdreamBeliever · 14/09/2020 19:26

Is there more to this?

Who is the parent? Has he or she been left in the lurch at 50? Does he or she have arthritis and has to work through the pain digging canals by hand? Has she said that she can help you with childcare, but this would mean reducing her hours so would need help with bills?

It can't be just the CFery that people are assuming. Or can it? Nothing surprises me nowadays.

SimpleComforts · 14/09/2020 19:26

Have we got to page 7 without realising the OP is (correctly) punctuated to refer to one parent? Grin

Is it mum or dad OP? Not relevant but interesting as part of the guessing why parent might think this is a reasonable request.

When did your parents split, which one did you stay with? What was the effect on this parent's finances? It doesn't make a difference, of course you shouldn't do it, but it might make the behaviour easier to understand.

Enough4me · 14/09/2020 19:27

Absolutely no way would I take money that I could put into my home& bills& DCs needs and give it to one of my parents. They sort their own finances out and worked and are careful with their money.

OP, say "No, I am spending my money on bills and DC" and repeat...for a billion times over the rest of your time on this planet if need be!

Gloriousgardener11 · 14/09/2020 19:28

This is a slippery slope that you certainly shouldn't be embarking on, they need to adjust their life style to suit their finances not expect you to fund it !!

Terrace58 · 14/09/2020 19:28

I’m 46. An early 50s person who is not suffering from a horrible illness or disability asking for help with basic living expenses is offensive. Many of us will still have minor children we are supporting in our 50s.

ToastyCrumpet · 14/09/2020 19:29

I'm assuming it's dad because there is a non-working sibling living with the other parent. I do wonder if this parent realises that the OP is likely to support the sibling at some point and wants to get a claim in first.

Doesn't excuse it though.

MollysMummy2010 · 14/09/2020 19:29

Ha so my now ten year old will have to get a job when the time comes and I am the grand old age of 55. Fab! I am 48 this year...

giantangryrooster · 14/09/2020 19:32

Erh why should you do that? What a weird idea.

You have dc of your own, secure their future that is your responsibility, your parents are not. If they go bankrupt or starve in the future you can help as a one off, but that's it.

Strange examples you give of the begging. Reminds me of little dc 'Xx goes to bed at 2am why can't I?? All in my class have a pony and a million pounds to buy sweets, so should I!! Confused

Remind your parent they are grown up and need to fend for themselves.

SunshineMyT1me · 14/09/2020 19:33

State retirement age is currently 66+

So they will have to work
Or
Do the have a private pension
Or
Rent out a spare room

So far they have had 50 years to plan

shiningstar2 · 14/09/2020 19:33

No way. If you start this when she's in her 50s you would be run ragged by her 70s. My mother is a widow of 89 and she wouldn't dream of having that kind of expectation. A lunch out one Sunday a month somewhere nice? fine. Hospital appointments and her shopping done ...no problem but the level of expectation of your mother here is on a whole different scale. Most people of her age are more concerned to see how they can help out the younger generation. We are 68 and very gladly give a helping hand to younger family who are very grateful. I can't understand how your mother could expect this.

morefun · 14/09/2020 19:35

Wow, if you wanted to help that's lovely. But NOT with this emotional blackmail. And when you are trying to support your own family. Did they always use emotional abuse with you?

WhereToCut · 14/09/2020 19:36

No no no no no no no no no no.

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