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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was DH being a twat or AIBU?

132 replies

oreshina · 13/09/2020 19:06

Long story short(ish) - DH had my DS out on bike this afternoon with an attachment between his bike and DS' bike.

DS asked if I would take him out with the little bike attached to my bike. DH jumped in and said it was tricky to change the attachment from one bike to another and that we could do it another day. I am not one to be put off by a bit of diy etc so suggested I would take a look at the attachment and see if I thought I could do it.
At this point DH got quite animated saying 'no don't you go out rummaging in my toolbox...I don't want you trying that as you'll never manage it and will need my help etc.' He also said in front of DS and DD ' I know this is one of your moments where you won't take no for an answer and have to prove that women can do man things...but excuse me for wanting to be traditional and say that my tools are my tools.' In my mind he was acting like a misogynistic pig but maybe he genuinely felt I would get stuck and couldn't be bothered sorting it out..AIBU to be in a huff?!

OP posts:
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 13/09/2020 19:08

I’d think he had something hidden in his tool box....

Thisisnotnormal69 · 13/09/2020 19:09

He sounds like a wanker. Especially saying that in front of your son..great message to send. Does he have form for this?

BabyLlamaZen · 13/09/2020 19:10

Yup what an arse.

PolloDePrimavera · 13/09/2020 19:10

Erm yes. I would check for his second phone.. If nothing, then he was just being a tosser.

Hunkyd0ry · 13/09/2020 19:11

Please tell me you thanked him for his concern but would like to try and so you managed it without him?

Sanitisethat · 13/09/2020 19:11

Yep, he was being a massive arsehole.

What does he have in his toolbox that he doesn’t want you to see...?

MitziK · 13/09/2020 19:12

He had a problem with you looking in the toolbox, not you changing the seat over.

Sunnydaysstillhere · 13/09/2020 19:13

Op you need to get in that tool box..

Bluntness100 · 13/09/2020 19:13

I’d also think something hidden in his toolbox.

Did he explain what “man things”were? Think we’d all like to know.

DimidDavilby · 13/09/2020 19:14

Horrendous messaging for your children. What's in the toolbox then?

slavetothenhs · 13/09/2020 19:14

I would have taken a spanner and shoved it up his arse.

user165423256322 · 13/09/2020 19:14

have to prove that women can do man things

What a dickhead.

Bubblebox · 13/09/2020 19:14

I’m assuming that you went out this afternoon and bought your own tool box and tools.
I would have been really cross about comments like that, especially in front of my children.

Timeforabiscuit · 13/09/2020 19:14

Oh I would get so much mileage out of this!

Don't go rummaging in my kitchen drawer,

Don't you dare go rummaging in the desk

What do you think your doing! That's my medicine cabinet!

But that would be after I checked toolbox..

tiktokmakeaclock · 13/09/2020 19:14

You need a tool box.

tiktokmakeaclock · 13/09/2020 19:14

Your daughter needs to see you having a tool box.

Mellonsprite · 13/09/2020 19:15

Yes I too think he didn’t want you going in the tool box.

AutumnLeavesStart · 13/09/2020 19:15

Wtf? Is this the first time he’s been such a misogynist?! Surely that doesn’t come out of nowhere.

SewingWarriorQueen76 · 13/09/2020 19:15

He's a twat. Even if you didn't succeed, you need to show your kids, that trying has merits too.
Hand him his ass on a plate for "I'm the alpha male bull shit"

Chocolateandamaretto · 13/09/2020 19:16

Agree - check the toolbox!

I would test this later. “DH I’m just getting a screwdriver out of your toolbox to change some batteries” and see if he flips again.

Florencex · 13/09/2020 19:16

I immediately thought he is hiding something in the toolbox.

Original poster
oreshina · 13/09/2020 19:17

second phone?! because that's not a massive leap is it?!

Yes in the past this has been more of his MO at times. We split up last year for 6 months due to his treatment of me and the kids. Nothing physical, just constant put downs, complaining, moaning, telling the kids they were 'awful children' etc etc etc. It became so insidious and exhausting that being on my own the only way forward. Many months of him pleading etc I agreed to give it another try. We have been back together for 8 months (that is over the whole lockdown time obviously) and we have mostly got on absolutely fine and I do find him to be a reformed guy. He seems to respect me, keep his temper in check, helps out loads with the kids and is very kind to me. Maybe I am just a bit over sensitive to this type of behaviour because it used to be a daily occurrence. Sorry to drip feed just didn't want to get into it all. Please don't say he is an awful guy etc as he has already proven he can be a loving and decent husband and father he just has some funny ideas sometimes.

OP posts:
ToastyCrumpet · 13/09/2020 19:17

I’d go through that toolbox before he had time to move whatever he’s hidden in there.

toiletpaper · 13/09/2020 19:18

Sounds like he's going back to how he was before OP Sad

wifflewafflebiscuit · 13/09/2020 19:19

He's being a tit. "my" tools? What is he, 4?